Thursday, April 24, 2003

Depression

The day sucked. It had been a great morning, but destroyed by horrible afternoon. Currently am v. upset and distraught. basically the same thing, but shall reenact afternoon's events rather dramatically.

To start the whole thing off, will explain a bit about situation. A large flourescent sign of "D'OH", yeah, i know. So anyway, am a vice-president of this computer club in school, aka CyberBrigade. I have no reason why there's this 'drive' inside that wants to make the club... something. Better. Greater. Most-Wanted in KL. Right, stretching the last one a bit, but you get the idea. I know this sounds oh-so-very goody goody, but I am not trying to be so. When first entered school and joined clubs, use to loathe and taunt clubs that doesnt do anything hence wasting perfectly good time of those who actually stay back after school to attend these 'activities'. I mean, come on, joining a club is a chance for one to learn something new or improve on subject that interests you. Maybe I should have listened to my senior's advice... Just leave the damned club alone, and you will still get the name of "Vice-President". However, don't feel that way. Feel that if one gets a title, it is not enough, but one must earn the respect AND the name.

Today was the second time I taught HTML to some fellow students. It's pretty informal, actually. Anyway, loved the first class, everyone seems to understand. So thought could repeat same situation a week later, but things always seem to screw up. Today, it's one of a heck of a mess. There were some students who wasn't here last week and those who were not from my class, ended up joining, because their hardware leader had something to do. The photography section of club also has a leader missing in action. Seriously, am in no mood to conduct a one-man(girl) band. Am sick from sore throat, and I have to repeat the same lesson for others who weren't here for first lesson. Also, the room with all the computers was supposed to be reserved for the members of CB only, but soon, non-members inhabited all except for three. Was so fucking distracting, and not able to teach well. My fault too, accepted that fact lesson was boring today. No explaination needed as two kept on repeating "So boring, so boring." So nevermind, and since wanted to teach the newbies, put the LW's (last week) to a test, asking them to copy exactly a webpage which covers paragraph, bold, italic, alignment, etc, all must be written in HTML alone.

All cheated, stealing diskette when was not looking, and pretending it's their masterpiece. All except for one, which am very grateful for. The interest is there, you can see it. Also the bunch of monkeys (ones who cheated), attempted another HTML try. When got back to check (was teaching newbies), was greeted by a black background and huge, white words splashed across the screen "GIANNE SUCKS". Took it goodnaturedly, which I did. After then told them, try again but am greeted with the same thing. For those who do not know, my name is Gianne. Hello.

By the way, did I mention that even by doing that, their coding was wrong? Geez, if you want to insult someone, do it properly.

The taunt didn't hit me until about 15 minutes later. Am glad of that, if not, cheaters would see me cry. Was really holding it in, and scratching my cheeks and biting my inner lip to keep from doing so, but when correcting great girl's (the one who didnt cheat)... it was like flashbacks, you know? Couldn't hold in the tears any longer, like a dam waiting to burst and finally does. Managed not to release dam in front of girl, but like dripping tap's. Felix (Cat) who was watching got totally silent and including one boy from group. Well, at least most of them had gone, so they would not see how hurt I am.

If you say "kecil hati" (meaning unable to joke around with and getting offended easily)... all I can say is that you were not there. You cannot see their actions and hear their speech. You cannot put yourself in my shoes, and feel the disappointment of researching so much that when passed on, ended up with nothing. You do not know of the effort I had put in.

Should have and could have just thrown them out but am too polite to do so. Next time should just put up sign, "Those interested in HTML, please have a sit and stay, and those who just want to waste air space, do go home and fork yourself. It would be a better way for you to use your time. Thank you for reading this sign!" Why oh why, profanities that are supposed to be said then can only appear at my fingers now?

You know what? I'll keep on trying and try not to have a screwed up class like today anymore. Just extremely glad that next week is a holiday and the next there's exams, so needn't prepare. On a good note, if last week's lesson was interesting, the possibility to do so again is great. One must always see it both ways. Maybe was too flustered and boring and stupid - and yes, maybe AM too sensitive. Hmm... mood is getting better, though keyboard is a bit worn out... shouldn't had tapped so hard and now there's something wrong with the space bar. Poor innocent keyboard... lol

current obsession: cure sore throat
now adores: someone who is still not aware of adoration
height: don't ask.
weight:been eating congee/porridge for the last few days... *hopefully*

first self-centred rant this is.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Joy to the World! The school burnt down... hehe , just kidding, but am not going to school tomorrow by the way. Down with sore throat and flu, but missing the high fever, so am not having SARS. Besides, you needn't be afraid because unless you're really stupid that you might get infected by reading this blog. In school, the people around me started sniffling and sneezing and am getting nervous, if in any case it was I who infected them, they will kill me. Prolly did anyway. So, shall stay home and be a good girl. Will be an angel, like I always am (stop laughing, hobbit).

Sunday, April 20, 2003

apples, oranges and bananas

Feeling rather pissed. Was watching the Simpsons and happily amused with the dysfunctional family's antics when my father suddenly took the remote going "Hold on a sec," and turned it to an F1 race.

Well, never knew that a second changed its value to two hours. -gloomily- It was going to end anyway but the missed three minutes was highly underestimated... Bart and Lisa's fate in that episode is forever gone. Can't see the point of watching F1... watching a hamster running on its wheel is definitely more interesting, though F1's car crashes can attract me attention. I mean, how could ANYONE watch the car go round, and round and round and round. Clearly, am wrong, as have friends who are an avid audience of this particular sport. Although, not very sure whether it's the race or the drivers that they are interested in.Which brings to mind, dearly hope that NEITHER of them read this, or else shall go to school friendless.

Came back today from me cousin's house. It's very nice to have someone to talk to and to have someone to be crazy with. Also, can act as though in own home, like the saying goes "chee kee yan mou yee see" (meaning, you can act yourself when around relatives). This saying might be wrong, because my Cantonese is downright embarassing and horrible. anyway, am going there every Saturday for tuition (but not to stay overnight everytime), and meet up with my older cousin (roger), cousin (apple pie), and friend (orange). I'm banana. Love these nicknames, though it always seem silly, but the laughs we get out of it is worth every silliness. Wasn't very close to my cousin (apple pie) when younger... her mom is my mom's sis, and am three days older than her and somehow everyone expected us to be bestest of friends (or cousins), but much to their dismay, it was a total opposite. Only during the last few years, we've gotten quite chummy so now relatives would shake their heads exclaiming "Aiya, see! Talking again! Cannot stop wan! These two ah...". Well, they have gotten what they wanted, haven't they? Bloody, still complain...

So far my resolution to jog at least once a week is still holding up well. Heart shall be healthy though thighs seem to be getting bigger, which totally throws off the point of my reason to exercise. But finds evening jogs nice, the fresh air and jiggly people in skin-tight thighs (oh yeah, tongue twister) and also, not forgetting, dodging dog poos that can be found scattered on the path.

current obsession: still in first position.... chocolate doughnuts!!!
now adores: someone who is not aware of adoration
height: if only my height is equivalent to weight...
weight: ahaha, anyone who lives in Malaysia and read today's the Star newspapers, seek the "Adam" cartoon. Totally me.
insanity-level: am recharging, extremely needed tomorrow to beat Monday glooms.

oooh, I'm getting used to this. Oh joy!

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

OH HAH BLOODY HA

Damn, and to think I used to scorn ppl who used blogs (though am an avid reader of blogs, cant help being 5+3). Am a contradictor in life and the net. mind me not!

hmm...what to write, what to write... i suppose i COULD resort to usual, boring style of introduction or an interesting one? harumph. decisions, decisions. currently am doing homework, yet before, the sight of me doing homework would send Ripley's crew running to film me! Or like seeing a rare situation taking place.

I'm serious, you know.

D.H. Lawrence is definately to be blamed. if it weren't for his "Last Lesson of the Afternoon", i wouldn't had given a single fuck to actually attempt to do any school work. enthusiastic teachers are rare in life though. still, they are human. bloody, bloody. now feel extremely guilty if dont pay attention in class or when not handing up homework on time, whereas last year, i never hand up anything unless if i had to and practically snored my 6 hours in school away.

hate homework, am only in school for co-curricular activities. i'm in interact, cyberbrigade, volleyball and taekwondo. recent events: volley team went to interzone, but defeated. interact hosted a charity concert, where i got my chance to prance around like a red monkey on stage (and also causing slight earthquake in new york) and gone pretty well.

current obsession: chocolate doughnuts
now adores: alllll byyy myself...
height: still short (platform shoes and high heels does no justice)
weight: as light as a hippo
insanity-level: negative. always leaves sanity at home and i'm at home =P

ah, now i'm done, so u can wake up now.

'tis a small step for me, but a huger step towards more crappiness!