Thursday, April 24, 2003

Depression

The day sucked. It had been a great morning, but destroyed by horrible afternoon. Currently am v. upset and distraught. basically the same thing, but shall reenact afternoon's events rather dramatically.

To start the whole thing off, will explain a bit about situation. A large flourescent sign of "D'OH", yeah, i know. So anyway, am a vice-president of this computer club in school, aka CyberBrigade. I have no reason why there's this 'drive' inside that wants to make the club... something. Better. Greater. Most-Wanted in KL. Right, stretching the last one a bit, but you get the idea. I know this sounds oh-so-very goody goody, but I am not trying to be so. When first entered school and joined clubs, use to loathe and taunt clubs that doesnt do anything hence wasting perfectly good time of those who actually stay back after school to attend these 'activities'. I mean, come on, joining a club is a chance for one to learn something new or improve on subject that interests you. Maybe I should have listened to my senior's advice... Just leave the damned club alone, and you will still get the name of "Vice-President". However, don't feel that way. Feel that if one gets a title, it is not enough, but one must earn the respect AND the name.

Today was the second time I taught HTML to some fellow students. It's pretty informal, actually. Anyway, loved the first class, everyone seems to understand. So thought could repeat same situation a week later, but things always seem to screw up. Today, it's one of a heck of a mess. There were some students who wasn't here last week and those who were not from my class, ended up joining, because their hardware leader had something to do. The photography section of club also has a leader missing in action. Seriously, am in no mood to conduct a one-man(girl) band. Am sick from sore throat, and I have to repeat the same lesson for others who weren't here for first lesson. Also, the room with all the computers was supposed to be reserved for the members of CB only, but soon, non-members inhabited all except for three. Was so fucking distracting, and not able to teach well. My fault too, accepted that fact lesson was boring today. No explaination needed as two kept on repeating "So boring, so boring." So nevermind, and since wanted to teach the newbies, put the LW's (last week) to a test, asking them to copy exactly a webpage which covers paragraph, bold, italic, alignment, etc, all must be written in HTML alone.

All cheated, stealing diskette when was not looking, and pretending it's their masterpiece. All except for one, which am very grateful for. The interest is there, you can see it. Also the bunch of monkeys (ones who cheated), attempted another HTML try. When got back to check (was teaching newbies), was greeted by a black background and huge, white words splashed across the screen "GIANNE SUCKS". Took it goodnaturedly, which I did. After then told them, try again but am greeted with the same thing. For those who do not know, my name is Gianne. Hello.

By the way, did I mention that even by doing that, their coding was wrong? Geez, if you want to insult someone, do it properly.

The taunt didn't hit me until about 15 minutes later. Am glad of that, if not, cheaters would see me cry. Was really holding it in, and scratching my cheeks and biting my inner lip to keep from doing so, but when correcting great girl's (the one who didnt cheat)... it was like flashbacks, you know? Couldn't hold in the tears any longer, like a dam waiting to burst and finally does. Managed not to release dam in front of girl, but like dripping tap's. Felix (Cat) who was watching got totally silent and including one boy from group. Well, at least most of them had gone, so they would not see how hurt I am.

If you say "kecil hati" (meaning unable to joke around with and getting offended easily)... all I can say is that you were not there. You cannot see their actions and hear their speech. You cannot put yourself in my shoes, and feel the disappointment of researching so much that when passed on, ended up with nothing. You do not know of the effort I had put in.

Should have and could have just thrown them out but am too polite to do so. Next time should just put up sign, "Those interested in HTML, please have a sit and stay, and those who just want to waste air space, do go home and fork yourself. It would be a better way for you to use your time. Thank you for reading this sign!" Why oh why, profanities that are supposed to be said then can only appear at my fingers now?

You know what? I'll keep on trying and try not to have a screwed up class like today anymore. Just extremely glad that next week is a holiday and the next there's exams, so needn't prepare. On a good note, if last week's lesson was interesting, the possibility to do so again is great. One must always see it both ways. Maybe was too flustered and boring and stupid - and yes, maybe AM too sensitive. Hmm... mood is getting better, though keyboard is a bit worn out... shouldn't had tapped so hard and now there's something wrong with the space bar. Poor innocent keyboard... lol

current obsession: cure sore throat
now adores: someone who is still not aware of adoration
height: don't ask.
weight:been eating congee/porridge for the last few days... *hopefully*

first self-centred rant this is.

1 comment:

gianne said...

FROM BLOG-CITY~!

1. a reader left...
Friday, 25 April 2003 11:37 am

Boy do I know what you mean. I can't teach. I had to teach Visual Basic 6.0 basics to a class. Some got it straight away while others weren't that fast. Most were peddling me to go faster. My club mate had to repeat what I said since I didn't exactly have confidence to say anything loud enough.

I even tried teaching C to a small group, but that was rather hard since the initial learning curve was steep.

I also bored a colleague with HTML. She said she already knew so I thought I was refreshing her memory. :(

From then on I had respect for teachers who could command attention.

Albert Ng [albnok@hotmail.com]

2. jackson yeoh left...
Friday, 25 April 2003 9:59 pm

gee i do understand how you feel man.

remember last last year when CB did this powerpoint class? i was the teacher and i taught the teachers in our school. needn't need to know it only lasted 1 week. its not because the teacher is naughty or mischieveous like your students, but i believe its because lack of comprehension in their part. its frustrating having to repeat the same thing and some things are so darn simple. needless to say i got really angry at those teachers that i gave up teaching them. hahahaa.

maybe u should do the same?
and are you refering to me when u say that some senior advice you to ignore the club and at least get the name of "Vice-President"? hmm... :P

3. a reader left...
Friday, 25 April 2003 10:21 pm

it's not that they are naughty or mischievous, but i was thinking of the efforts i had gone through to make it work. i do not mind them being n or m, but am v. sad with the fact that all my research had gone to waste. hope i can do better next time, and make faizal lock that fucking b.bestari door. i really want to get something into their mind

me, myself and gianne