Thursday, December 16, 2004


Two days hath passed since the premiere of 'The Phantom of the Opera' of which, tickets courtesy of Charlene {By the way, she now has her own blog... visit it, she's a magic carpet weaver of words}, allowed me to see a movie before it's official release to the insignificant common public (JUST KIDDING!!! heh.) and as usual, being a procrastinator...


Someone please knock my head with a blunt object, with the words "Hello, where are you been???" carved upon blunt object because my initial impression of PotO is some old fodgy mystery movie. How wrong I was. Not that I've even laid my hands on the literature, just my own brain creating a certain image at the mention of opera. Yes, Pavarotti with his Nicoletta (or smthg) mooching in the sun. Hey, my ma used to get Woman's Day, gossip central, something I vowed never to read because they are somehow related to P. Di's death. Anyway, veering off topic as usual, PotO is a must-see. I know there are some people who balk at musicals, but if you like excellent singing and kinda-tragic love story, what the hell are you waiting for? Git yer shoes and park that butt of yers in front of the ticket's line!

The initial introduction to the past is simply superb. So rich and magnificent you'd be awed... Truly beautiful.

And of course this is a musical, there's going to be a lot of singing. It's even better than 'FAME'. There's something about their voice, or perhaps the words, everytime they sing, a trickle of tiny feathers swam through my spine, then the endless branches of veins. The best actor here is the Phantom himself. The leading lady, not really an actress this one, not saying she was awful, only that it's limited. But when she sings, you can FEEL those emotions. Her expression is very good as well. And Minnie Driver is bloody EXCELLENT in this movie. What was her character? For me to know and for you to find out. =P I wish I could hurl myself into the movie and live it. On a second thought, even if that's possible, I think I'll pass, since I'm a closet William Hung.

PotO should had been given more publicity. But then again, it's good that they spend their budget on producing an excellent movie, rather than spending it on advertising and end up with a lousy movie that has everyone dazed that they actually spent their hard-earned RM10 for such crap.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Getting paid to 'goyang kaki'

Don't know what's wrong with me these days. My temper flares up so quickly it's breaking the highway speed. Or my mood would drop so fast, I could feel the G-force. Reaching 10, slow down, slow down, before it crashes in the depths of nothingness. Heh. Reminds me of my history lesson. I forgot what were they called.. starts with 'S', if my memory betray me not.The word I'm thinking is 'Sumithra', but it isn't the right one. But they believe when they die, they will be chucked into some dark cave with nothing but dust.

Which now reminds me of a quote, from Jewish I think: From dust you are borned and to dust you shall return.

We're more than just dusts. The soul(s) that resides within makes us human. But all of us are aware of that anyway.

My keyboard's space bar went to MissingLand the other day and I had to type-like-this-for-abt-four-days.

I wonder why good things come only when you don't have the time. When I had free time in November, I was feeling lethargic and did nothing much except breathing. Then towards the end of Nov and beginning of December, I've got Madie to take care of, discovered the joy of manga (NARUTO!!!), got addicted to Gundam Seed and Vandread (they are animes), I started practicing my drawing skills, gotten some books from the Dec BC meet, hung out with my cousin etc etc. Just a day after I was salivating over Gundam Seed, a call came that I've gotten a job (yea, I decided to forgo my initial job offer because the salary is too low). And I was to start the day after that.

For a week now, have been working in an office, which feels like an igloo in North Pole or Alaska or similiar, where we need refridgerators to keep things warms. I nearly got a frost bite from not wearing a jacket. Even if I had my jacket on, it's still damn cold! It's semi-heaven everytime I go for lunch. Not that the people in the mall has the sense to raise the temp over 0 degrees but when my food come, it'd real hot, with steam and all, so you'd find me hovering my frozen palm above my steaming bowl/plate of food, with a blissful look on my face.

Oh, I'm working in Great Eastern office... Next to it, it's GE mall.

My job, is quite simple. It's like this, whatever fax comes in, it won't be printed out, but it will go into a pc, where I will view it and route it to the respective departments. It's quite cool, but it has me sitting all day staring at the confounded screen. So, unless a fax come in, I'm totally free. There's a lot sometimes, but mostly not much. I tried asking my colleagues for smthg to do but mostly they don't have anything for me. And I don't want to disturb them much. If someone asks you, "Got work for me to do ah?" everyday, you'd bound to get pissed.

The boredom is killing me. Countless times, I nodded off. Coffee has since then become my saviour from blacking out. Doodling as well. A LOT of doodling. Feel kinda guilty at times, everyone else is so busy, but here I am drawing cartoon faces and chobits.

I want to learn a new language.

And Madie wants to pee right now. I'm her chauffer to her doggie toilet. Stain my carpet not!

gianne the confused

Monday, November 29, 2004

Custody Battle?

Alright, bitchin' time.

You know those days when you just sit down and think how ridiculous and childish some people can be? This is my day.

Let's just say a certain ADULT relative of mine is creating havoc just because she didn't get what she wanted even though we had apologised to her. Now a lot of my relatives are mad with my family, especially me.

During my bro's bday party where all my relatives attended, my mom told some of them that she's planning to sell Madie, but she also knew how attached I am to Madie so she added, "But see what Gianne says."

No one wanted Madie until a family friend came, Uncle, bringing Madie's older sister (Lily) who is almost an adult. He then proceeded to tell the story of when he was walking Lily, a few came up to him, offering to buy Lily and also one who wanted to 'ta-chung', meaning mate her with his dog or smthg. She's only 6 mths old! Uncle exclaimed, which prompted that man to jot down a number and press it into Uncle's hand, telling Uncle to call him when she's old enough. He'll pay him for the...service?

Only after that, a lot became interested in Madie, especially one relative of mine ("woman"). For her son it seems. We didnt even confirm that we're selling Madie to her but she began telling her son that this will be his dog. I was already getting goosebumps by then. Frankly, not matter how adorable her kids are, that kid is a major brat, although his sister is much better than him and I've seen how they handle their dogs. I'm not saying they can't be angels, but when brats argue, whatever is between them get damaged. They are simply not old enough to be responsible (although there ARE irresponsible adults, I deny not). Both kids below 8. I do not blame a child when he/she is spoilt... it's the parents' fault.

So this morning that woman called my ma, saying she want to pick the pup up today. Upon hearing that we are not selling any longer, she became real mad. Because her son (the brat) has been bugging her since Saturday. So my mom was trying to explain the situation. The woman refused to listen. She called up my brother and told him, "I want that dog! You settle it! [slam phone]". For the rest of morning, she kept calling back and bugging my mom about it. When my mom apologised to her, that woman slammed the phone down on her(not the first time).The next thing I knew, my uncle, my aunties, my cousins and my grandmother knew about this and they are mad at us. Woman was saying that her son wants the pup and he wants it NOW. She even lied that my mom specifically invited her to our house to see the puppy... we had invited her over for my brother's party, without any mention of the pup.

The things people do in their fury... imho, they make themselves into complete idiots!

My grandma actually called me up and scolded me. My chinese wasn't that good, but she insulted me a little. And some more which I prefer not to reveal. I was pissed, but the language barrier held me from justifying things. So pissed and yet half-bemused by the dramatic turn of the event (over an innocent lil' puppy!). Besides that, she was saying smthg about getting a heart attack and that she don't want to hear my or my mom voice anymore. After i put the phone down, I think my dad and bro are rather surprised over the litany of 'colourful words' that escaped my lips. Not to my grandma, mind you, but to woman.

One of the reasons they think we ought not keep the pup is due to our financial situation. But like my bro said, a single investment for 10 years of happiness... how wrong can we be, my family is feeling so down and with pets, we're happier. We have the right to be. Woman spends her money on her perfectly manicured nails and nail art, one nail for RM10, so take out your calculators and start a'countin'. Not to mention pricey massages and facials. She has her joy, why want to take ours away?

There's so many dogs that they buy/take, play and then discard. Frankly, they don't truly love dogs, in my POV, dogs are just money-makers to them. The moment they are bored with the dog, they'd sell it off. The only reason they are keeping their pedigree Great Dane is so they can breed her and get $$$. When my mom explained that I've gotten attached to the pup, she retorted, "Give any dog to Gianne and she'll get attached la... I throw my Bingo to her also she'll get attached!"

Okay, she actually offered to exchange her Jack Russell pup, Bingo, for Madie. Listen up you stupid bitch (woman, not Madie), you only had Bingo fora few months, just like every other puppy you bring in, what the fuck you think dogs are? Items to be bartered? Even I hesitate when giving any of my dogs away, but perhaps it's because you never truly care about them. Bingo is a darling! Whenever I give dogs away, I try my best to give it to the best possible owner. Just because you have money doesn't qualify you as a good owner. You need more than money to take care of a pet. And I don't think you take good care of them. If you can't even handle your own kids, what more of a dog?

Oh yea, the irony of the whole thing is that she is a kindergarden headmistress.

Because of her silly immature tantrum, she has created disharmony among us. Sometimes I just want to slap some people into obvilion.

Now that my mom had to call every single sibling of hers to explain what truly happened, so it's rather settled. And now that I look back, it's quite comical in a way. This whole situation is so yelling, "DRAMA QUEEN!!!" and it reminds me of a bloody soap opera with feather boas and fainting damsels and people waking up with their hair all neat or lipstick on perfectly and their morning breath smell like roses.

There's two options: Give her back to her original owner and help to find a suitable home. Keep her. If the former happens, I will let that little $#@%@ whiner squirm everytime she sees me. But it will solve the damage that woman bitch has caused. No friggin' way am I giving Madie to her...

If we really have to give her away, I am getting pretty good at unattaching myself emotionally. Just take every trace of her existence away from me and I could imagine she never existed. Don't let me see her go because I will cry.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Hello World, this is Madie

Absolutely did not intended to have another companion to join my family, but this one might be. Introducing, Madie (or for a fancier name, Medusa), the 'Teddy Bear'!!!

Was actually JUST supposed to be puppy-sitters, we did not intend to keep her because of Keanny, but have grown rather attached to her. Madie, my lil' alarm clock aka wakes me up at 8am AND 10am by biting my face and tugging my hair. Her breath stinks btw. It's amazing how fast a puppy can grow... Just last week when I first held her, she's palm size... now it's two palms to hold her, ppl! =P Her biting stage has just begun, and I'm keeping all of my precious things from her reach and warning my family to take a leaf out of my book as well. Currently she snuck under my bed to play and has fallen asleep there. Hope I can keep her. *cross fingers*

Twas my brother's bday party today, although technically, his bday was two days ago. It's his 21st bday, he qualifies for every damn legal age limit, so it had to be special. Happy Bday, brah!

BBQ we had, and ooooh, yummy yummy i've got love in my tummy... Chicken, mutton, lamb, pork sausages, potatoes, SecretRecipe's delicious brownie cake, jellies, bu bu cha cha, noodles, garlic... so many more... weight many more... XD

I STILL haven't figure out what to get him (hey, better late than never! =P). Wanted to get him a disco ball (RM80) but he decided he doesn't want it. Hmm... what abt a Japanese lamp? My budget is RM100 and below, GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS!

Found a job although the pay is not that attractive, but hey, weekdays only! Don't really feel like working. But when the green stuff is low in your household... erm, when do I start, ma'am? *grumble grumble* It's a data-entry, tie-up-the-loose-ends job which am pretty familiar with. Boring and monotonous. Have tried Chicken Rice Shop, Pets Wonderland, Starbucks and countless other, either they have no job opening or their wages ain't high enough. Yea, yea, so I'm picky.

Watched Vandread the anime... borrowed it off my cuzzie. Watched 13 episodes straight, with the first four episodes twice. I couldn't have enough of it. Can't wait to watch Season 2!

Supposed to improve my absymal drawing skills this holiday... whoosh! down the drain it goes!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Hold On Tight... for a Longwinded Ride!

If i knew how to dance, I'd do the hula dance to the music blaring from my Winamp. For a while anyway. 3 months of holiday sounds like heaven on earth when you're washed down with countless oncoming assignments. Currently it's like, "... Now do what??"

Oh, hibernating at home has upped my crappiness level. Must be the atmosphere. Bloody nuthouse.

Have broken a mop. yes, you read it right, a mop. there i was staring at that confounded stick, thinking, 'oh crap oh crap, another half of the house to go, and there is no bloody way that would make me finish the job like Cinderella aka get down on the floor and scrub with a cloth.

Once my mom learnt of the 'bad news', she muttered something about having a barbarian for a daughter. And that I must finish my job somehow.

On the bright side, instead of a flimsy cloth, I used the mop. I never want to look at that stupid broken mop again.

Fairytales are lucky that I'm not in it. If I were Cinderella, I'd murder my evil stepfamily in their sleep for treating me like a slave! And take all their money. *pause for the sky to darken, the storm to form and the final touch, a lightning bolt to strike menacingly across the sky* Mwahahahahahahahaa!!!!!

Right. NEXT!

Mylo is so possesive of her food that even a mop has 'THREAT' written all over it. That overgrown rat growls, bark and snap if anything get near the food she barely eats. She'd park herself,with her legs slightly splayed (to make self appear bigger. fat chance! - pun intended) in front of her biscuits and her eyes would dart maniacally at any approaching objects moving towards her bowl. I wonder why we sayang her so. Even my other dogs, Keanny and Fido never give us trouble...Perfect angels.They never retaliate with bared teeth when we smack them for misbehaviour. They wouldn't snap at us when we pat them on the head while they are munching on their food.

Speaking of Keanny... my mom and bro decided to put her to sleep. It's time I suppose, for she was partially blind and probably 99% deaf. The only reason we didn't put her down before was because she still had that spirit. She would greet us with joy when we get home. Racing from the front gate to the back gate and she'd start acting absolutely cute. Today she could barely walk. And she was whimpering. I don't know whether it was good or bad that I wasn't there, I was in Sunway Lagoon when my mom called at abt 1pm. If we don't put her down today, we have to wait till next Wednesday for the Raya holidays to pass. The decision was made. My mom chose a package, which includes the dog's burial by the vet. So when I got home, she wasn't there. It's as if she never existed. Mom was upset that she had to order our pet of a decade to death. It's really euthanasia, but in theory, it's easier than in real. Even though my mom was okay with the idea of 'mercy killing', but the idea of playing God and watching Keanny pass away in front of her was heartbreaking. I never got the chance to say goodbye, weirdly I do not miss her. Only sometimes I search for her, forgetting that she is dead.

Keanny or as I fondly call her, "Old Woman" was a gentle soul, she was calm yet at moments, oh so playful. She caught our attention at the pound with her soulful, wistful eyes. While the other dogs clambered and yapped and fought for attention, like a queen she arrived late, hopped gracefully with her front paws on the cage and just looked at us. She stole my mom's heart. And later ours. Although she DID drag me for 3 meters on the tar road as I held her on leash when I was 9 human-years and she, 21 dog-years. Only the other day I was carrying her, she 91 dog-years and me 18 human-years. She's the place to go to when you're down and she will look at you as if she understood your predicament. Maybe she really did. Terribly afraid of rain and thunderstorm and fireworks, you can give her belly rubs any day, she'd love you for it. When she is given a bath, she'd look like a goat... but when she dries, she would look like some fluffed-up lamb. RIP, Keanny. You'll always be in my heart.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

friendster: the shit hits the fan? hmmmm

taking a very quick break from mah assignments which shall make me lose sleep for two days.

after the recent upgrade from friendster it seems like certain ppl has lost all their adored testimonials. and i happen to be one of them. abt 30 testimonials if i'm not mistaken. well, it could either turn up again [friendster always screw up once in a while) or it will be gone forever. either way, the 'victims' are pretty much pissed. you can see it in the bulletin boards.

but then again i am not mourning strongly for my lost testimonials. as said, it may reappear like magic.

or else, i can get people to write me fresh spanking new testimonials. they may write extra due to 'pity' at my 'loss' if they want. bwahahhaah.

when life ( or friendster...) give you lemons, make lemonade.

got the new RM5 note...made out of some kind of plastic i presume. which i think it's pretty cool 'cause i tried tearing it and failed!!!
Cellotape will miss some of its sales. =P

Update: Am getting a real kick out of the stuff people put in the Friendster's bulletin board regarding their testimonials. E.g:
1) I want my testis back!!!
2) Where are my testis???? I can't live w/o them!
3) Friendster stole my testis!!!


Friday, November 05, 2004

i vote for buses and trains

apparently my dad wants to get me either a kancil or a kenari. which will probably end up as a decoration. because my brother claims he would rather ride a bicycle than to drive a kancil. because i havent even stepped an inch into a driving school yet.

sad, ain't it? first thing an average adolescent would do once they are legal, they'd get the license to kil-, i mean, drive. a sample of conversation with my old buddies from high school.

me : i havent gotten my driving license.
friend : *goes into an epilectic attack* serious? wah, like that your life is not worth living.
me : ... so i'm supposed to find the profound meaning of life in a steering wheel?

okay, fine, that conversation was dramatically 'enchanced'. sinfully as the matter of fact. it swerves so much, it's practically a U-turn. and i was talking more nonsense in that. sometimes i likes to portray self as someone logical and sensible. so sue me, i'm bored.

i wonder why some people would rather get a car than a education. i wonder why people still get them even though they know how bad traffic jams can get, which, on the bright side, will enchance a certain part of their vocabulary. did i mention the amount of Schumacher-wannabes who ought to be riding a three-wheel bicycle instead? maybe cars are like cigarettes,even with the rising price on tabacco, people are still willing to dish out their hard earned cash on it. i wonder if they are aware of the harm they are causing to nature.

i wonder if i'm normal to even have thoughts like these.

of course, who am i kidding, a car IS useful, especially if you have to depend on my country's oh-so-lovely public bus service. i've waited for nearly two hours just for a measly public bus. the lovely february weather did not make the waiting period any better; by the time the bus came i looked as though i've jumped into the ocean and had dunked my face in red paint. it's useful when you're all dressed up and you dont want your dress to look all crinkled before you arrived to the destination. and yea, my mom picked me up in her car nearly everyday at the LRT station. because am too impatient to wait for the damned bus. therefore, no doubt it helps.

only i dont see it as an absolute necessity.

i believe in buses, trains and car-pooling.*nods head*

...and am going end this rather lamely here. Two more assignments to go. The approaching holiday injects a sense of laziness in my veins. and am confused yet again by choices. but that's another blog entry =).

truly madly deeply,
gianne the lover of life.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Run Gianne Run

have you ever had something you truly fear? a glimpse of it is enough to make your heart skip a beat. but somehow, you face it head on and fought. at first you are brought down to your knees, in defeat you bow. yet it gave you courage to rebel. sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. but with experience, you begin to win more than losing. finally at the last 'battle' it seemed that you have triumphed over its retreating shadow. for months, its claws remain unseen.

and suddenly it reappears. despite the fact you had conquered it before, a greater fear sweeps over you and you are freaked. a minor slip, and it manifests in pure view. instead of facing it, you run. and then you keep running. running till every breath in you is spent. then you stop to gasp some air; whenever it appear, it drowns your soul. in solitude, you walk to the still pond, to wash your face, to wash away your fear. as you kneel and cupped some water in your palms, bringing it to your face, your burning eyes stared back from the reflective surface. and it finally dawned that you've been running away from something that is right there with you all the time, in the depths of your eyes.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Just Something to Share

{ Feel good read of the day? Brought some funny sort of warm fuzzy feeling. }
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas,your dreams,before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To Love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot learn, feel,change,grow,love or live.
Only a person who risks is free.

Life is too short. Risk it. Carpe diem. Cliche-ish I know, but they are bound to have at least some basis of truth.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head

Ah, the rainy season. Drops of water, a collection, travelling down the sky and hits whatever solid with a nice mini 'SPLAT!'. It's nature's way to play water balloons with Earth, or perhaps being cheeky, childish. Nature's lullaby.[ Or perhaps the sky is going through a depression]? Still, refreshing plants and refilling lakes, ponds and such... If you have ever stood under a drizzle, it's one of the nicest, simplest pleasure in the world (although, try to avoid acid rain will you? ;P). However, as much as I love rainy days, how rain fuel life, I just wish that, instead of providing breeding places for mosquitos, they would just drown those little buggers.

For a week now, these buzzing bloodsuckers have been feeding on me. They've bitten my eyebrow area, my ears, side of face, my arms, my legs and the bottom of my feet (the last being the most irritatingly itchy). DO I LOOK LIKE A BUFFET TABLE HUH??!!??

And yes, they just gotten The Spray. Bwahahaha, am a certified Mass Mozzie Murderer(MMM)!!!

Ought to get together with my cousins... mozzie hunting are their hobby XD.

In abt 3 weeks, I'll be reverting back to my Oxygen-Wasting phase! But for now, there are 3 final projects left to complete and more hair to pull out. Do wish me luck, I need truckloads of 'em!

Gianne the mozzie-bitten sleep-deprived panda

Friday, October 08, 2004

Malaysian Idol: Is it just me?

     Ah, the end is here [for Malaysian idol that is,lol]. to be anal retentive specific, the results will be announced in abt 24 hours, after all these weeks! One thing abt these long running competitions, you start to identify or at least, feel 'close' to the contestants. After Nikki dropped out, started to feel slightly sad. With American Idol, it wasn't so much, although had felt absolutely furious at the exit of the realllly good singers and those who weren't so good remained, but MI is closer to home =P.

     Now. Is it just me, getting this 'BAMMM!' dejavu feeling for the finals? Physically, Jac is like Fantasia and Dina is like Degarmo. Even the voice... that husky, grainy voice of Fantasia/Jac and the powerful clear singing of Degarmo/Dina.
      Dina sang the first two songs absolutely fabfab, but blew it with her last song.
      Jac did an absolutely great finish, and like LC says, the final song 'Gemilang' was a bit like 'I Believe' by Fantasia Barrino. All judges's opinions keep pointing to Jac, that she'll be the Malaysian Idol.
       Even as I type this, I keep messing up the MI and AI finalist names. THIS is how simliar it is.

      Dina looks and sounds sad at the duet... I don't blame her. I mean, after all this months! i think she has a feeling that her friend will win, not her. I feel kind of sorry for her... if Jac wasn't in, she would be the 1stwinner. There's a bit of unfairness here, because Jac is semi professional and Dina got off on an even footing with the rest of the contestants. And she improved a LOT. However, I'm voting for Jac. Cuz she can do some butt kickin' in World Idol and can prolly rival Fantasia... As for Dina? If she has an album out, I'll definitely go get it. mind you, not pirated! =P

     Will the outcome be similiar as AI? The wait (and voting) begins. Have more stuff to blog abt, but currently,uh, have some stuff to settle. Streamyx is acting all sucky again for the past two days. The connection is all broken up like fallen glass.

     near the end of Nov this year, I'll be getting a 2-3 months break...oh God,am soooo gonna die of boredom. But the initial rest would be good. and will complete my website. GAH!

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Holiday Spent!

finally moved pc into room! had to neaten my room up again though... after encountering several problems and a lot of dust bunnies, me and my dad found a small ickle space to put my pc, so basically there's not free space for anything else in my room...besides me that is XD. now my parents are getting real worried, 'cause they think i might not sleep with this pc in my room, due to the fact am an addict! erm, i think they may be right, lol. furthermore, my bro helped me buy the sims 2 (mental note: owe him 20 bucks... ouch, my wallet...) and am afraid install it, may end up permanently stuck to the pc and shall turn into a panda-looking funny-smelling geek.

my holiday has gone to a waste. a lot of my assignments remain under the calling "unfinished". very very horrified now.

been to my old high school recently. the moment i step into school, am reminded of the times i was dragged upstage for being late. *bows head in shame with the rest of late-comers* then the memories of all the joys and sorrows that befell in my 5 years there. oh speaking of late, was NEARLY late to meet felix (the cat!) XD. ahh, good ol' days!

me buddies were there, it just feel bloody fantastic seeing them again after sch a long period of time. chatted with loads of them but not for long... they have obligations as responsible students to attend their classes =P. met some of my juniors as well and one of them went through a transformation - got me real surprised for a moment, thinking; is this her? *blink blink* the last time i saw her, she was this mousy shy f1 kid. now? v extrovert, confident, talkative f2 prefect. then there's this subtle change of the expression on her i used to know, yet what difference it made!

there was only two of my teachers that i wanted to meet (and give a packet of keropok! 'cause the last time i visited one, he says, "no buah tangan?" [no gifts?] heheh).

first stop, LK teacher... ended up talking to him for 1 hour ++ and somehow it turned into politics. both of us dont like samyvellu and he tells this joke "in Thailand, there are a lot of sami (monks) but no toll. In Malaysia there's just one Samy, but a helluva number of tolls."

5mins before school ends, i went to see my Add Maths teacher - one of the teachers i respect most. he has always been strict but observant; one of the classes i actually paid attention to.

after that, me, Felix, Stacy and Yuet Lee ate at McD's... Stacy is with her usual fai-fai talks, being hilarious, having Felix as the butt of the joke. don't normally mix with them, but i do sometimes. and hell, i miss this. life moves on though and let's leave it at that. =) dearly hope we will still be in touch in the years to come. won't be hard to do anyway, since friendster's existence

yesterday, went gallivating (as my mom puts it) with Pui Yee and Lean Chiew in Midvalley. LC was trying to buy some clothes, but most of the time we were just walking around trying to find a place to sit and chat. anyway, let the pictures speak! have some videos as well, but have not found a place to upload it... bloody funny imho.

that's all, folks! *tap dances out (with cane and top hat and all)*


Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Oldies and Random Thoughts

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

- Look What You've Done JET

Everytime a song like this comes on air, all these oldies sounding, melancholy songs, from a happy mood, I may drowned in the blues. Okay, that's extremely dramatic, it's the song's fault =P. I just get...sad. Call it a mood swing, hormones, the aliens residing in my head.... I'm sure there are a lot of things to blame for it. Yet, there's this fulfilling feeling when I do listen to oldies. Not only sadness it provokes but somehow it puts me in a mood to think, be philosophical. It's rather relaxing actually.

It don't matter to me
If you really feel that
You need sometime to be free
Time to go out searching for yourself
Hoping to find time to go to find
And it don't matter to me
If you take up with someone
Who's better than me
'Cause your happiness is all I want
For you to find peace your piece of mind

- It Doesnt Matter to Me BREAD

Man, love these fellas, got hooked the moment 'Make It With You' seeped into my flesh, my bones and sent a jitter up my spine. [Sue me, I love oldies...]

Hey have you ever tried,
Really reaching out for the other side?
I maybe climbing on rainbows
But, baby here goes.
Dreams there for those who sleep,
Life is for us to keep,

And if you're wond'ring
What this song is leading to
I want to make it with you

- Make It With You BREAD

Havent dissected lyrics since my Moffatt days... Am pretty out in the sense of the current music actually. No longer do I worship one band, instead if it's nice, my ears will be eager. More often than not, unless if they are popular, wouldn't know their names, but would recognize the style and their signature beauty of tunes and voice.

Was doing my Moral project, decided on the topic homosexuality. Finding it oh-so-hard to write formally. A lot of my assignments are undone, even though before the holidays I vowed to finish all of them AND practice on my skills. One of the reasons am here; escaping from the torturous world of formal reports! One glance at my pile at this moment and I think, "Screw it!". At least for now. Will wake from slumber later, very horrified.

A certain friend of mine just converted me into a crazed fan of the Japanese anime called Chobits. You know who you are =P. have been dling songs and wallpapers since. Now i recommend it to anyone with eyes and ears to watch it! also, was always wondering why a lot of manga/anime fans wants to learn Japanese... i need not wonder no longer, i understand now for am... am joining 'em [ @_@"]. LOL. Picked up some words as well, like:

Baka - Idiot/Stupid [Used v frequently... heheh]
Kawaii - Cute [I bet you know this, right??]
Dakishimetai no ni - I just want to hold you [as useless as 'Voulez vouche avec moi?'... lol]
Wakaranai - I don't know [Umm, that IS the meaning, hahah]

The last time I learnt Dutch... well, snippets. Used to frequent this fiction website, Squashed Elephants, and I got into a v brief friendship with the webmistress:

Ik wil je - I want you [the reply would be 'Ik jou ook']
Nee - No
Klootzak - Asshole
Lekker Ding - Sexy thing [used this a lot during my high school days, for a certain infatuation =P]
Rot een eind op, stomme idioot - Go fuck yourself, you dipshit!

Oh the fun days! She actually taught me "Your place or mine?" and "Does your body tastes as good as you look?", but my old old email account has been deleted, along with her emails. Memories down the drain... *sigh*

Cheers to the oldies and the past. Goodnight.

Friday, September 17, 2004

The Right Choice

TGIF!!! Never felt so glad to reach the weekend at last, the whole week consisted of the growing bags under my eyes. It's the endless rush to finish my assignments and only the other day, my beauty sleep was 2 hours due to lovely lovely assignments. Abt 8 hours of endless colour mixing and careful painting. Then in class (Design Studies), lovely lovely lect decided he'd collect that particular assignment AFTER the holidays. I was torn between laughter, disbelief and the intense need to hang that lecturer upside-down and hit him like a pinata. Preferably a club with spikes. With a bucket of salt nearby.

     Next week we're given an assignment-laden one week holiday. Will be spending my hols travelling from the TV to my fridge. P'raps desk to toilet. Fascinating, no? *roll eyes*

     I wonder if the path my feet thread upon is the one for me. Doing what I'm doing now. Muns tells me she's surprised that I didn't take up journalism. Others reckon veterinarian, marine biologist, IT, so on and so forth. The former: It's only in my opinion that writers/authors are under-appreciated, under-paid, and all sorts of other 'unders'. Nor will it be a easy road to take, it's very competitive. And I don't even trust my life in my own hands, how will I save lives? And the guilt will kill me even though death is inevitable.
     At times, I miss the 'thinking' subjects. Add Maths, Philosophy, History, Politics... keeps brain active =P. Certain parts of history interests me, especially if it involves bloody wars =). But then again, love to read, hate to memorize. Once one starts memorizing, the beauty of the past will be gone. It's something you can discuss. Skills on the other hand, it's basically the other side of the moon. When frustrated with my sketch that just isn't good enough, I doubt. Then I don't. Then I do. 'tis hard to be a Libran, ppl!
     It's hard to ascertain what the outcome will be. Sometimes I feel, this whole thing is like a bloody Russian Roulette [no pun intended]. I will find out what was the right choice, a milisecond before dying.

     Feel like going for an adventure. Like PY's idea, backpacking through the Silk Road. Just think it'd be a great experience, to be thrown into unknown places, see how we'd get out of sticky situations. I wonder it'll ever get it out of our thoughts and turn into something tangible. A nice little adventure before our lives goes in a rut. But then again, there's a question of the moolah and if my family would EVER allow me to do so. Sometimes I just feel like getting the hell out of this place, but I know that in the end, I'll return right where I started. Details abt the Silk Road is vague for me, all I know is it involves China and there's Gobi Desert too. Don't think it passes through Istanbul, though would love to go there! We'll see I suppose, have to start fattening my piggy bank, in contrary to what I usually fatten: self.

     Oh, am in my coll's Multimedia Lab. A nice little discovery... better if compared to the ones in the library, wasn't aware that we can use 'em if there's no class going on. The mouse is much much 200% better! So is the net connection, LOL. Still, despite all it's faults and crashability, it's Windows that I prefer, the ones here are all Macs. I can't even edit the HTML here! Bugger...

{Updated} Font / Links

# Missing Calliope|Callie. That canine latched on my heart and it will not leave, even though i gave her away for a better home. Just hope she's doing alrite.

01 - Slightly retarded, I love her still.

02 - You ought to see when she pounces - yep, that pose. Kung fu dog!

03 - I bet Mylo misses her too. =)

Thursday, September 09, 2004


Seems like someone kicked Tiger Woods off his comfy seat as the world number one in golf, and someone is this guy called Vijay. A day after his winnings, it came out in the localnews that Vijay had once applied for citizenship in good ol' M'sia, two decades back but it wasn't granted. Newspapers lament the fact that if he had been granted citizenship here, he would bring up the name of Malaysia, where he'd be plastered with the Jalur Gemilang and 'Malaysian Spirit'.

Somehow this news irked me. No, not because I'm miffed at the man's success, but how the media love to do the what-ifs. Also, by bringing this history up, Vijay would be reading the paper (if he do, that is), thinking, "Ahahahhh, now regret leh!"

It reminded me of Guy Sebastian's over-coverage in here. Btw, he's the Australian Idol, for those who watch no TV... insane... Anyway, the thing with Sebastian is that he was a Malaysian, but migrated to Down Under while he's still little tyke (okay, fine, 6 years old). He grew up in Australia, yet he was only in the local spotlight when he won the Aust Idol. In fact, I don't recall him being in the news before his win in AI. The local media blew up the fact, in every interview, article etc, that he was born here. I didn't minded much, but it got to a point where it got nauseating. I wonder if Guy ever get that dejavu feeling in every interview, every TV appearances that he did in M'sia?

I just wish that this country would stop looking back, and thinking what-ifs because these things are over and gone, there are plenty (barrels and barrels!) of talent right here. They are just waiting for the right soil to bloom. If we keep throwing them cheap fertilizers and give them water that leaves them barely alive, they will grow, yes, but not to their full potential.

By saying cheap fertilizer, I do not mean we give them a lot of shit (well, in a way, we do...a little...), but by the facilities, the coaches etc etc. Citing the sports as an example la. In school, PE teachers are often those not trained in sports. How could they lead, guide the students if they themselves are not qualified coaches? The sport facilities in schools have gotten way better, I must admit, but the thing is... it's just not utilized properly I suppose, to cut a long story short. There are a lot of coaches who need jobs, the Government ought to hire them to coach in schools, say twice a month. When students hear that it's a qualified coach, they're bound to be more interested.

As for the water, am actually referring to the moolah, the dough. Our national players... well, their pay is not enough? Despite all the "Malaysian Spirit", "Malaysia Boleh", "Make Malaysia Proud", it's undeniable that money will play a part in it. It IS important, besides craving their name, they need it to survive. In Western countries, there are so many talented atheletes clamouring to get into the national teams and usually the cream of the crop, they can survive by having a job as a sportsman whereas here, it's not advisable to take that path.

Slightly related, don't even get me started on the Govenrment's plan to lure back Malaysians who had migrated overseas.

Ranted enough I suppose =P.

Now off to my poor neglected assignments.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Oh Dear Me

Getting all poetic lately. Good god, I must be depressed.
it's in my face
yet ungraspable
for it's not mine
to claim.

i reach out
but skies are untouchable
so shall i wait
for the cotton clouds
to kiss the tip of my nose
or sprout wings to meet them?
in that same clear sky
skydivers are liberated
for a moment too short
they'd leap again and again
just for that sugar rush
even when pain may meet them.

hurting is no longer pitch black
but a hybrid of colours
weaving out and in.

upon the dewy grass
under the sapphire sky
i am still.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

A Certain Russian Incident

Imagine this : It's your first day at school. You're terrified at the prospect of meeting new friends, new environment etc. Your parents assure you that everything will be alright, you'll love it, it's a new chapter in your life! The next thing you know you're in the middle of the school's gym, surrounded by terrified children and adults, not to mention the bombs and armed men. While on the way to the gym, a few bodies lay scattered on the floor.

You might have guessed it by now, am talking abt the Russian hostage incident.

When I first heard this news, a feeling of great injustice bubbled. For crying out loud, the hostages are CHILDREN! Deers against cheetahs with genetically enhanced speed. The terrorists are really sad creatures, major losers as you might say. Take away their bombs and their friends! Alone they cower and shiver. It's just so sick the way some people have absolutely no conscience. When they sleep, so they hear their victim's final screams? Do they not see the frozen look of the dead? Are they not brothers, fathers, how could they not feel the pain of the relatives who are left hanging outside? Blood were splashed most inside while the tears reign outside. Two days without water and food. The first thing the survivors did when they got out of the hell hole was drink and eat. Too traumatised to talk.

It's over now, the death count is 322, 155 of them are children. Parents will be missing the patter of tiny feets, that music. The silence, a room devoid of laughter. Due to the confusion however, a lot of relatives have yet to know whether their loved one is okay, injured or dead. The ones who survived may be part dead. The trauma they had gone through, newspapers had even compared their experience to the Vietnam veterans, who until this day are still scarred.

The vulnerable, the innocents always die/suffer first. My heart goes out to all of them involved in the ordeal (obviously on the victim's side, i applaud the deaths of the terrorists and cursed those who escaped). In a world, a time like this, barbarians still exist. Sad bastards. Hope they rest in pieces down at burning raging hell on a satay stick.

Now I kiss the ground of Malaysia.


Was reading manga comics (borrowed them off Lean Chiew), just to see the different styles and in a way, to understand what the heck my collmates are so crazy abt. so when my aunt peered over my shoulder and asked me what i'm doing, i went, gleefully, "May Yang, I'm studying!". Ah the pros of doing animation! =P

I used to religiously read Doraemon and my mom would get mad over it. Oh the irony! Anyway, currently reading Yuyu Hakusho... like it so far, devoured 6 of them in 24 hours. Certain parts is really funny, or make me go, "BODOH!!!" *laughs*. Drawings = pretty good. Love their expressions. However, I do find that most of the characters look alike, if not for the hair and clothing. Hmm... have one more series to enjoy, but gonna flip through it again for my 'instant-noodle' course for manga characters. Starting to enjoy them, and this coming from someone who used to scorned manga for their 'perfect' characters.

Ah, pride swallowing moment *gulp*.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

"Yada yada, Ye Crap Too Much!!" here's a short one =P.

Currently am in BookCrossing, went to the July Meetup [ 25.07.04 ] at A&W, opposite Amcorp mall and wowwee, it's book galore, people! Released 3 books and took back 4. So far have read 3 1/2 of them. They are *drumroll*

Tuesdays With Morrie = V touching and feel good book, abt life, truly a must to read.
Katherine = quite nice, half fiction, half fact, a lot of injustice in it, after Communist China.
Welcome To The World, Baby Girl! = longish book, groaned at the font size, but it's worth it. love this book!
Four Sisters of Hofei = half read, can be rather draggy, but it's okay i suppose.

Dragged Charlene along, lol, but she's a bookworm too so didn't think she minded much.  Oh, she's in too... There's meetup next week if nothing goes wrong! Before I forget, in Amcorp, there are two shops selling books cheap, one is Pay Less Books and the other, can't recall. Bookworm haven! *faint out of joy* haha. Anyway, related, doing a trade with
WittySquirrel, havent sent my part (Wild Swans & She's Come Undone) due to busy-ness or whenever am free, the post office would be close (harrumph), but have received his books! Here they are:


Thanks Andy!

Hmm, haven't met many booklovers in college, well, they read a lot of comics whereas have read mostly Doraemon and Shin Chan. The rest i know nada abt. Boohoo. Gonna crash someone's comic bookshelf someday (yes, this is a warning for all comic book collectors. Beware! Thou hath been warned. Bwahahahhaa!)

Other news, yesterday, a family came to see my house (yep, sellin' it, interested anyone? leave a msg here =P). They came up the stairs and as usual, am on pc, so I swivelled my chair 'round to greet them and found myself staring into a vaguely familiar face... Turns out she was in the same secondary school AND club with me, though she's my senior. Sch a coincidence (said this so many times yesterday, lol). But it's nice to meet someone who had a connection with the 'past'. Am the type who goes gaga over reunions, though preferably 10 years later where everyone will exclaim "Wah, you're so thin/tall/unblur already!" or "You're famous! Can I get your autograph??". Yep, dream on...

Yap, OUT! (Chuh, no wonder the Chinese can't do the "Seacrest, out!" thing - American Idol fans will know what am talking abt =P)

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Battle of the Bands

General wellbeing... Oh God, the assignments. Am nicely procrastinating. Bad bad choice. Shouldn't be on the pc at all. But it's simply too tantalizing!

Battle of the Bands {21.08.04}
Ho hum. After along time, met up with Muns for BOB (which was held at Taylor's college carpark) and hung out with her and her friend Jak Tim. Oh, and I met a lot of my old schoolmates there, like Christina, Jacinth, etc etc. Such a pleasure seeing them again! Ah, think am getting addicted to blogging... during the break, typed the bands' names to remind self later on, lol. Anyway, in this order, here are the ones who competed: Limestone, Pyling Section, MadFish, Versatile, Ternterhooks, FunkyDogs, Trash Bugs, Beat The System, Virtuoso and Larva Eve II. To keep a longwinded story short, the standard has dropped since 2002's BOB. Actually me stayed until the 7th band (TrashBugs) then left. All I can say abt the band's main singer is that, if her voice is any higher, the dogs will hear her. If that's not a good enough explaination, how abt "single nail scratching a blackboard in some long continuous line?"? Anyway, the standard has dropped, why? Only Ternterhooks sung their own composition, which is good, better than unoriginal cover songs. Theirs is the only band that deserves the calling of musicians, the others? Instrument players and singer. Have to admit the bands played real well, but more often than not, the lead singer ruins it. BAH! Unoriginality sucks big time.

But it quite fun, although at some point, Muns and me, being such dwarfs, couldn't see the bands onstage. Hard to breathe (first part of the show we're in the mini 'mosh pit') and bloody hot. But the crowd was hilarious! Beach balls that were thrown by the organizers were 'kidnapped' and the air is let out. The organizers, who are on the roof, free from the sweat and lack of oxygen, could only look on helplessly at the disappearing balls. Near me, there's this clown (expression, not literally) who kept making jokes abt the bands, albeit some are rather jerk-ish. Had a great time with Muns and JT, the latter can give 'expert' opinion as he's in a band himself, not competing though.

Later on, after the show, had a glass of Coke+Chivas. The result? Ever seen a human lobster? You've got your answer =)

Malaysian Idol
GAH! Rydee is out!!! I voted for her... so bangang la... Oh, missed MI (again) on Friday, totally forgot abt it. The worse thing was that I was surfing the net and I came across some blogs talking abt MI with me feeling something was 'amiss'. Grrr. Caught the repeat a bit, so again voted for Jaclyn and Rydee. Then at night, absolutely made sure that I watch the repeat show (while scrambling to finish my assignments). The only highlight of that show (at least, IMHO) was when one of the hosts asked Roslan's (one of the judges) opinion on who will be voted out. One particular comment from him abt the three Chinese contestants (Vick, Victor, Andrew), smthg abt them will be getting in due to the Chinese voters. At first I felt it was a real insult, was getting offended because he was judging the votes by the races, singling out the Chinese. Then suddenly, it hit me that it's true.

It's always hard to have contests like these without any prejudice. Somehow someway, despite the whole "no-prejudice" attitude, deep down it still exist. Perhaps the amount varies. Go on, defend thyself, it's undeniable.

Conversation "SMS session 01"
[Location: College, Lunch Hour]
MOM: U forgot 2 take your money you silly goat heee..hee!!
ME: where got? if i m a silly goat, what are you?

Lastly, seen a lot of blogs doing this, so am jumping in the wagon!
Where I blog from:

half of my life spent HERE!

Yep, my lovely pc, and that chair! Spent so much time on the pc, it's a wonder the cushion doesn't have my butt imprinted on it

To keep the ball rolling, here's a place where you would usually find me praying in front of a stack of unfinished assignments.

Messy, ain't it? Well, this is AFTER my room is cleaned. Heh.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Busy Busy Bee... as if

Hmmm... this was in my draft for ages, totally forgot abt it! only the quizzes though! =P. You know some quizzes can be quite accurate [imho], not by questions but by your name only... I kinda think the first one below is rather on the spot. What dya think?

How to make a gianne
5 parts friendliness
1 part ambition
5 parts
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add wisdom to taste! Do not overindulge!



Orange: You are the happy-go-lucky type. Your
radiant energy and happy attitude shine like no
other. People love you because of your quirky
and fun antics. You love to have fun, and
you're a very opptimistic person. And I can
imagine that you are also very playful. You
have a child-like attitude, and always make
people laugh. You shine as bright as the sun!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!What colour is your spirit?(with great pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

The Sun Card

You are the Sun card. The light of the Sun reveals
all. The Sun is joyful and bright, without fear
or reservation. The childish nature of the Sun
allows you to play and feel free. Exploration
can truly take place in the light of day when
nothing is hidden. The Sun's rays fill you with
energy so that you may live life to its
fullest, milking pleasure out of each day. Such
joy and energy can bring wealth and physical
pleasure. To shine in the light of day is to
have confidence, to soak up its rays is to feel
the freedom of a child. Image from: Stevee

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

currently am busy busy as a bee...well, am supposed to be anyway, but the PC has a magnetic field that is too tantalizing to ignore! may have an addiction. any anonymous support group here in M'sia? where it's possible to slink in wearing a paper bag over one's head and go, "hi, my name is *beep - ala Kill Bill* and i like long walks down the beach together with my desktop...". you know, internet can be real creepy at times though. few years back, i stumbled on a website by someone [was searching for harry potter fiction], a year later, a friend of mine got to know the owner of that particular website through BRATs, and she visited my blog before,and now am in the same college as her..weird, isn't it?

so far still enjoying coll/uni life, very much actually, but sometimes a feeling of helplessness or sadness rushes over, drowning my heart. it resurfaces, clinging on a vein, on a hope. sometimes it so easy, yet so hard to love life.

then somehow, something will happen and it would be over. SNAP! like that.

off to do my assignments now!

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Growing Up

It marvels me these days, the amount of youths trying so very hard to 'grow up', like dressing as though they are thirty or talking to you in this jaded way as if they have gone through all the stages in life when they have not. Or sniffing in clear disapproval when some people are enjoying themselves in ways they deem childish when in fact, their maturity level is still at the age 16 (or less), and they're prolly itching to join in. Joy is really just a simple thing to gain. You don't need PS2 or that fast sports car. (Not saying that material things can't buy happiness, just not all the time =) )

One time I caught an Oprah episode where this girl, a mere 15 year old, having sex just to show she's 'grown up'. That's not the way. I'm not saying that maturity doesn't exist in youths, they do. In fact, there's adults out there who are making wrong and bad decisions/actions all the time, hurting those around them. Like that girl as an example, maturity is when she does not succumb to peer pressure, when she love and respect herself, when she believe in her own values and stick to it. Maturity is when you have the wisdom and not just looking as though you're an adult. Maturity isn't what you have achieved in the material world. I suppose acting that way does make you cool and desirable, but if I were them, I'll be suffering in silence.

The worse thing that could happen to anyone is being jaded, or world-weary as we would say. Why the sullenness just because you want to be someone who is against the world? The only thing you'll be against is yourself. Yes, you might have gone through all the hard knocks in life, in fact, we all have. The only difference is how you cope with it. I've known friends who rage just because they don't get that very expensive item that their parents refuse to get them and friends who plough on, smiling despite having a far-from-perfect life. In my humble opinion, those who lost their enthusiasm, misses out on life; dead. They're rigid and have no spontaniety.

I don't get this race. Why the rush? You will have your whole life to grow up. Don't run so fast, stop and smell the roses, stop and enjoy the moment because when you're so far away, it's harder to step back than to go on forward.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Malaysian Idol - Ouchies

Whoa, I slept for more than 12 hours. Was so poofed, yet I had trouble sleeping! It's like half-asleep, a mere sound wakes you up and to go back to that uncertain sleep stage is hard. So bangang, I tell you...

Anyway, I managed to catch Malaysian Idol... I'm so very disappointed, a lot of them sounded worse than me in a RedBox session (it's karaoke, my dears), and that's saying something! Even Sufiah was way better (the only thing i can't stand abt her is the expression on her face when she sings). Jaclyn is the lifeline of the show, the rest fades in comparison, but then again she's somewhat professional, being experienced and all. Quite witty as well. Rydee, Vick and Dina were good... I still can't believe this, a lot of the performances were really painful to watch, it's like, they are too relaxed and don't put an effort in their singing 'cause I mean they're already in the Top 12. And call me analytical or smthg but I noticed that Rydee ("C'mon everybody!") and Dina ("I'll take that!") were copying Diana Degarmo a bit!! GAH! Vick seems rather over confident? As for Victor... I just remember thinking, "O-u-c-h." Then the guy who the judges dubbed "Elvis" was bad as well. Ergh, could go on and on abt that disastrous episode, but am starting to sound like a disgruntled grandma, lol. I voted for Jac, Rydee and Dina. Sigh, there goes my cellphone credit! Oh, I don't think Vick needs my vote =P.

People out there, if you want any critic for something, I'm the one for it =P.

Job-hunting: Munz tells me there's a job in Bangsar - bartender. On Friday and Saturday nights. A coincidence because I want to try mixing drinks and see people dance like monkeys on hot coals. Am up for it, the pay is quite good as well and the only problem is how I'm gonna get back (8pm-3am). Can exercise my people skills (not as GRO, durrr!). But then again, my mom strongly oppose this; she thinks that it's a bad environment to be in. With all the second-hand smoke and the drunken peeps... Dang it. She says to offer website services, work from HOME. The thing is, am so sick of staying at home all the time and my website skills is limited to HTML and graphics, no Flash. Sometimes she keeps me under her wings too much, but I know she does that for v good reasons =). Am the only daughter and my bro's the only son. Hmmm, now have to do the whole searching thing again. Or maybe I won't... Dunno if i can cope with a job and college assignments. Speaking of which, haven't even started on my assignments =S...

After communication studies ended yesterday, had to wait for the LUCT bus for 2 1/2 hours. So me and my friend, Kezia ended up talking to William, this Indonesian guy in my class. Somewhere in the conversation the topic turned to the currency in his hometown and here. He took out cash worth 20,000 rupiah and he says it's only RM8 when converted. Then he proceeds to ask smthg like, "What would you do if this is actually in ringgits?" and I went, "I'd date you."

Too bad he didn't hear it. Boohoo *licks lolly*. Anyway, we decided he could buy a second-hand kancil and RM4000 to spare.

Ah, I met two of my old shcoolmates in the good ol' LRT! Been sch a long while. First it was Hui Ling; will always remember her telling me seriously, "If you laugh a lot, you'll get wrinkles and fat!" LOL. Always nice to talk to her. Then it's Sarah, who's starting to remind of Lindsay Lohan. This girl and I have a lot of memories together, we were friends, then enemies, then friends again =). We've known each other for more than a decade, back to the days when we were only 1 meter tall, lol.

Argh, gotta get started on my analytical drawing assignments. Drawing shapes in one/two point perspective and a design of our own. Sounds easy, but it takes a long time to finish. Good God, my heart is starting to race just thinking abt it.

That's all folks! *drags self to room*

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Word association! College->stuck->real bored

     People! Currently am goddamn bored and rather miffed. Guess what, am at college, and it's now 6.30pm. And here's another guess what, am stuck here till 7.30! ARGGGHHH!!! Enough of waiting! NOW I wish I have a car. Wait, scratch that, I need a dang license first! Loads of my friends deem it ridiculous to not have the power at the steering wheel (Actually, more like the ability to be v colourful in your words. e.g: "OI! You *bleep* *bleep*, your grandfather's road ah???!!??? *BLEEP*!!").The pc in the lab are Macs but somehow still prefer Windows. Ah well, comfort is home. I mean, windows is so compatible with so many things (not to mention viruses as well...) and it's pretty much user friendly. I can't even edit the HTML in this blog now! BTW the mouse sucks big time... Nearly lost my temper. Aiyo, still got 40 minutes.... *complain moan* Am done.

     Thoughts racing in my head like nobody's business (well technically it IS nobody's business). Ah, something made me smile on v early Monday morn as I was commuting to Masjid Jamek to catch the LUCT bus. Have to wake around 5am (so early, it's sinful), and naturally, you'd be grumpy. Well. it was the Star LRT driver who made that smile. Over the speaker, you'd noticed that he has a cheery voice and he was trying to imitate the Putra announcement. First he said his welcome to Star LRT in both BM and English. Then at every station, he pretended to be the lady anouncer in Putra. Then when the train was stalled for a moment, he said sorry WITH specific reasons why. God, it sounds stupid here, but it did made me smile. Alrite, NEXT!

     Finally got a social life (hurrah!) which basically makes life less boring and I think I ought to stop crapping so much (in real life, not here! This is crap central!). Even at coll, not much events that's worth mentioning. Hmmm... wait, there's one, for life drawing class, we went to Times Square. Quite bangang because I travelled all the way from KL to Cyberjaya THEN I was brought back. $%^%$$%!! Anyway, paint some mural - colour in the lines for some KL August Merdeka Fest. Free labour I suppose? Lol. Ah, did a bit of shopping as well. I got a snow cap! Or a beanie as some might call it.

     When I got home, I wore it around the house for fun. My mom was eyeing me/snow cap for quite some time. Finally, after 15 minutes, she asks in this very careful voice: "Girl, why are you wearing a tea cosy on your head?"

Was caught between humour, incredulousness and rather insulted if I might add!

After the explaination, my mom took to calling me "Tea Pot" for the next two hours. Harrumph!

Will post a pic of me and my 'tea cosy' when I get back home. Eh, it's already 7.15!!! Yay! Well, see ya later, alligator!


Update: Am back home, reached at 9.30! *phew* lol. Anyway, changed the fonts and here's me wearing the snow cap or tea cosy or whatever you want to call it...

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

"There's a butterfly on your back!"

Me : Say whatttt???
Zila: Butterfly butterfly!!
Me: Awww, really, isn't that sweet??
Zila: It's a squashed butterfly! You killed it!
Me: ...shit....

[In Analytical Drawing class]

No wonder in the cafeteria, flies swarmed our place. I killed someone from their species.

Stupid butterfly.

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Where have all the free time gone???

As I was abt to write this, it's Friday and it's 10.20pm and a sudden memory came to me with a startling WHOOSH; "GAH!!! *bleep* I forgot abt MI!!!!" *runs to TV*
Just in the nick of time for Jaclyn's performance (was only interested in hers) and surprise, surprise, Karen is back in (Chinese girl who speaks with a rather erm fake accent) but I think she's okay. Not my taste though.

Phew! It has been a week. Am a bit lost in time. Now for the nice little story; do sit comfyly on pillows and bring popcorn or longans. It was a dark and stormy night... Just kidding =P. It all started on Monday, when was rudely awakened at 10.45am, feeling rather disgruntled (slept at abt 5am the night before), to be told that I have to go to LimKokWing NOW, and to dress smart for my interview.
I think I've never jumped that high from my bed until that moment.
Had to find transport, and someone was kind enough to drive me ALL the way from Ampang to Cyberjaya. I didn't have anything ready! Two hours later, was in LUCT, tottering in my heels; heels that absolutely made walking a living hell. High heels can KILL. TRUST me! Anyway, my interview went rather well IMHO. It must have or else I wouldn't had gotten the full scholarship =)
Yep, when am nervous I realized I can talk a lot. Crap, morelike. What's the word? Ah! Verbal diarhhoe! And a surge of confidence that I rarely exude. Like when my interviewer, this really nice guy, asks, "Why should we give you this scholarship?" and somewhere in my long reply (I digressed for a moment), I said something like, "Trust me, you won't regret giving me this scholarship." Am rather surprised myself. Then he went on to ask questions like, why did you choose this line of work (ans: make ppl happy, can't imagine self in any other line of work in the future) and a few more that I can't recall.

Anyway, made some new friends, though some it's just "Hello, Bye bye" ; Veenu, Sailoo, Kezia, Chinn Yin, Audrey, Joanne, Jenny, Taryn, Mar, Hun etc. Some I know by face and talked to them a LOT, but their name fails to stay in my brain cells. On Wednesday, it's the real Orientation. We were all in the hall, and student ambassadors (SA)stuck paper on our backs wiht our group name (Bumble bees, Fairy, Phoenix, Parrot etc). And we're only allowed to get our friends to gesture or give hints on what it is and we have to guess it ourselves. And of all the names I could be stuck with, I had the words 'CHICKEN' on my back. Lovely. Chinese for prostitute and English for cowards. LOL, but it was okay. The SA for my group was Amanda, and she's real petite but extremely outgoing. Did a bit of introducing, but the whole thing was rather awkward. Am afraid I might seem too eager and enthusiatic, but then again better than nothing at all. Then we had a hairstyling competition. It was fun, though my suggestions wasnt taken in. Boohoo *licks lolly*. Lol. One girl and boy and they had to model it in front of the stage. Later, we were given abt 3 hours to come up with a dance routine. Ours: Boogie-ing to Punjabi MC. Am horrible at dancing, but gave it a shot. There was a few sexy moves in it, but you oughta see some other groups, the competition should be renamed 'Pole Dancing Competition". But I loved that feeling of being onstage, it's a confidence booster.
We didn't win though, was a shame!
That's all worth mentioning I suppose. Oh oh, before I end this, would like to thank the peeps in LUCT who helped my application get throught at last minute. I just realized how tiring it is to go to and fro to CyberJaya. Have to catch their bus at Masjid Jamek at around 7 and it's abt an hour trip. To and fro, nearly 2 1/2 hours wasted (on sleeping, hahah). Maybe it's tiring because have been a beached whale in front of the telly and pc for too long.

I can't believe it's already Friday. One moment I am watching telly, playing the net and the next, BAM! Where have all the free time gone? I havent even started thinking abt the real feeling of using my brain again. Or getting more clothes for coll (Some people dressed real fashionable there, but I think too much is unnecessary). Oh while I was waiting for the bus in LUCT, I checked out their library to get some drawing tips. Some of the figure drawing books, well, I can't even look at them without blushing! If it's a drawing okay, but stark naked real people? Frontal, back and everywhere imaginable. Kezia tells me that I'm going to be an artist and I should be okay with it, but she can't look at it without blushing either. LOL. NOW I know how Lat feels. He was packed off to the US and in Life Drawing class, there was a naked lady posing; he said he couldn't concentrate, his palms were sweating like mad.
I guess in theory, I'm v openminded. But if the real thing comes, I'm v shy.

And I bet you just read the first paragraph and skip till here! LOL. That's all folks!





Sunday, July 25, 2004

Into The Night

Whenever I have a change of clothes, I'd start picking up flaws here and there. I wish I was taller. Thinner. Stretch-markless. An owner of slender hands. Without flat feet. Double-chin-less. Then I realize I ought to be thinking these stuff when I'm 30, not 18. All attempts to slim down produced unclear results. Am not fat, but am in the middle. Not too fat, not too thin. But I guess all those magazines influenced me somehow. Gorgeous friends. Relatives who pinch my arm to get an update on my fats (LOL). People who would tell me, you're not ugly, but you have to slim down.

But I realize whenever I'm all dolled up, my IQ goes down to the appearance of an egg. It's like too conscious or smthg. However, that may just be me. Me like looking just nice, jeans and maybe a spag-top. And lipgloss/balm. It's nice to doll up once awhile though.... hey, am a female!

The weird thing is that, all the worrying happens when I'm awake. In my bed, as sleep is abt to engulf me in its comforting darkness, these thoughts of limbless people come. What if I have become an artist, yet one day I'll lose my hand? Some in the world don't even have the luxury of these useful limbs. Then I knew, my hands are perfect. My big toes too. Beautiful and works good. Perfect.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Wish Me Luck

Snatch thieves - the current pet peeve of Malaysians... There's news today in The Star abt this girl, who is quite chubby, who managed to bring down a ST and sat on him till the police arrive. She even kneed him and whack his face. Yea, it's half YOU-GO-GIRL! and half guffawing. Here, in M'sia, we have seasons of crime. Last time it was rapists, then murderers, now snatch thieves. However, this year the newspaper went absolutely ballistic, covering a crime so deep, it makes me cringe. Starting to remind me of Women's Day or New Idea or similiar.

Diana Spencer's upcoming anniversary of her death reminds me of the time I felt disgusted at both Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles... the former for leaving such a pretty wife for a less-lookable person. Soon after, as I matured (was 11 at her time of death), I actually started to respect PC for loving Camilla not because of her looks.

Apologise for the uncertainty of the fixed theme in this entry, my mind's racing so fast now, am just typing what flits through it. Guess what happened? Remember my long entry when I went for LUCT's Open Day? Well, two days ago, found out that my application wasnt even submitted! And orientation is on Monday! The guy who was supposed to follow up on this is in Indonesia until next week. My mom's rather miffed at the fact that everytime she or I call to ask for updates, he's like "Don't worry!" etc etc. So after a mth of anxious waiting, it boils down to nothing. Anyway, went to LUCT yesterday to re-submit everything - photo, copy of IC, a diskette of my amatuer digital art, etc. The people who helped us were really nice, and this time I know that my application WILL be submitted.
But I don't have the results of my scholarship, obviously. And I just found out abt 10 minutes ago, that I have to go through an interview (with the rest of applicants, durrr). I know some people who just submitted their form, and BAM! they get it. When it reached my turn, I had to write essays and go for interviews. It's like, "WHY, oh, WHYY ME!". I might get nervous and become confused. Oh dear, oh my. But like someone said, the only way out is through. Must be outspoken and confident. Ohmmmm....

Other than that, just had a haircut, because someone commented I looked like an auntie when I have long hair. Everytime I decide to let my hair grow, different ppl will tell me I look aunty-ish. Especially if am carrying a plastic bag or something. Ai, caramba! *snip snip*. Besides, am seeing a lot of college-going girls with long hair, all pretty and stuff, and I think short hair looks spunkier. Not to mention easier to maintain.

Recently joined BookCrossing! Interesting concept. I have some of my books up as well. One more thing, there's a Malaysian BookCrossing group, for the KL/Selangor peeps, there's a meet this Sunday at A&W opposite Amcorp Mall from 12noon-4pm if you're interested. Might go.

Am typing this real fast 'cause Malaysian Idol is starting. I won't even start on how disappointed I am with the stage, the set-ups, the awkward moments and the dull predictable comments of the judges. But I'm watching it anyway. My early faves are Syima, Jaclyn (Indian girl with amazing voice), Vick and Dina. The first three I liked them from auditions and the last, from the first workshop.

That's all, folks!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Wasting-Oxygen Phase

Seem to have a nice little habit of reporting things a week (plus plus) later after the actual event. Lazy Libran to the excuse! *plays theme song*

Ever had spontaneous decisions? Well, it's something like when I opened my eyes from a REM today, I wanted to eat macaroni for lunch tomorrow. Approximately three weeks ago, I woke up and decided to get my navel pierced. So I did. Shoot me, am an exhibitionist.

I like it. However, am ready for the definite infections. Ack. Couldn't sit/lie down/bend properly for two days. Muns accompanied me to the parlor in Sg Wang. The people there were funny, they kept singing Doraemon's theme song and made lotsa jokes. The girl who pierced me looked v cartoony ala Powerpuff girl, though with piercings and tattoos. Blonde hair in ponytails, electric blue eyeshadow, tube top and pink trackpants. While she was poking a needle in my flesh, the two other guys tried to convince Muns to get a tatt, lol.

Saw Harry Potter 3 before that. Well, the acting is definitely wayyy better... And I felt this version is nicer than Chris Columbus's style, though everything is v abrupt. Like my friends said, those who had read the books will know what is going on. but somehow HP movie series always fails to stay put in my mind. It does not have that 'pulling' effect to make me want to watch it again and again. Unlike LOTR. Which I watched nearly three times and NOT for the reason of the guys. Well, maybe Aragorn IS rather handsome... But mostly it's the movie, the storyline I love.

I haven't even watched Shrek 2. Sad, isn't it? Watched Around the World In 80 Days though, and though it has some dumb jokes, but mostly of the movie, was laughing my guts out. A lot of diff actors in there! Jackie Chan (D'oh), Karen Mok, Macy Gray, Sammo Hung, the Owen Brothers (acting as the Wright Brothers) and loads more. It's like throughout the show, it's "Eh! Macy Gray!" and "Oooh! Daniel Wu!! *swoon*" . Lol. Not a really serious movie, but some good fight scenes and hilarious accidents.

And yes, they cut a kissing scene. Geez, we're not that sheltered, hello! Censorship board treat us all like we're five years old or something. Ah, and as usual, the subtitles are jokes themselves. I can't remember any for this movie, but one translation will always stay in my mind... "Frodo dari kampung."

Can practically feel my fats having a grand welcome party to new fat cells now 'cause am not working no more. Mental and physical exercise currently does not exist in my life now. Envying my college-going friends' hectic life while they envy my wasting-oxygen phase. Lol.

Other than that, I won some stuff from Cleo. Maybelline hamper. I didnt do much to get it, but feel excited all the same. Not that I use make-up either... so the whole thing will go to my Ma. Why can't they have contests where winners get nice little vouchers for Kinokuniya or smthg? Yeah, well, am a geek. So stab me with a blunt satay stick.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Night Market

Extremely tiring day. If anyone have ever been to the Taman Connaught night market, and walked 3 times from one end to the other end, you'll understand =). This night market has been a source of amusement for both my cousin and me. One of them is the "dress code". No flesh-revealing or body-hugging clothes ( e.g.: tank tops, mini skirt, etc). You can forget the DC if you're with a guy (assuming you're a female). Or else risk the possibility of having some juvenile male in a hawaiian shirt stalking you.

Not that it happened to me, of course.

The 'victim' was my friend, a v pretty one at that. On that day she had on a spaghetti top and mini skirt. It's a long story, but let's just say the guy stalked her for over half an hour (stopping when she does, all the works) that resulted in my group of friends forming a circle of 'protection' around her. Even with her 'bodyguards', he somehow slipped behind her (very very close) and whispered repeatedly in Mandarin, "Be my friend!". He was pretty thick and v creepy until my friend got pissed and slapped him with a "Get lost, jerk". We grabbed her and ran. After we have cooled down and settled down with our lolos, out pops all the 'intelligent' solutions:

"If he comes again, I'll tell him you're my thiu lui (my girl)!"- this coming from a girl

"You know there was a pot of asam laksa nearby, we could had dunk his head..."

"Eh, so many of us, one trip him and the rest step on him la!"

"Could had told him you're actually a man..."

We laughed so hard, that the passing people looked at us funny. Though the whole thing was quite scary and stuff, I can't help admiring that guy for such guts. In the middle of a busy, people-stuffed market! And the end of story? We kept that friend of ours in constant reminder of that incident by mentioning the words "your hawaiian boy".

Back to the present, have gotten food (loads of it), earring, vcd and incense. They have pretty weird names for some incense, like 'Poison' and 'Cannabis'. Have gotten the Cannabis incense and joked to my couz that I'll just light that up and get high.

Another thing famous about the night market, are the beggars. They sit right smack in the middle and look very pitiful. There are some that am disgusted at; Abled-bodied people lying on their stomach. Truthfully I dislike giving money to them as in my opinion, giving food is a better choice. Thinking of carrying a bag of bread the next time I go there. But sometimes I wonder, what does this do to their self-respect? Their pride? You can justify that they are desperate, but still. There must be some way to get them a proper job. Some brought their children along; I don't know if it's to teach the child to be a future beggar or to gain sympathy. But it's NOT the way to bring up a child. You'll get money by looking woeful and pitiful? Shit, that's not how. Call me unfair, but am more saddened for these children rather than the adults. If beggars can jiggle their tupperware filled coins, they can do crafts. Or factory work, using their hands only(nearly all have deformed legs). I don't know how I can help, neither do I have the resources nor the idea how to start.

The moon is crescent tonight, and it's v bright. A lone shining star hangs forlornly above the moon. Stared up at it.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Mad conquerer

Ah, the first Monday I need not drag my butt out of bed before the sun actually rises! In fact, I woke at lunchtime. Crap, my timetable is all messed up again (Happens everything there's no activity to fulfil). My head that has been brimming with loads of ideas while was working, is now floating in an uncomfortable vacancy.

Let's see:
= clean room up (yet again, it seems to have an automatic reset button)
= go for a Toastmasters meeting (just have a look see, need to get over my damned stage fright)
= make candles for colleagues (they gave me another farewell lunch... feel so guily abt it)
= find a new darn hobby (!!!) or learn something
= stop spending so much time on the internet! (spot the irony...)
= sit in a corner going, "Goo goo, ga ga gaaa..."

Now for my weekly updates.

Went to LimKokWing last Saturday; my ma and me have to catch their bus from masjid jamek lrt station at 9am. Was rather worried, as the last time I attempted to go to Go Academy by public transport, I missed the stop by erm, 3 or 4 miles... lol. However, nearly woke up late and endured a 15-minute lecture from my ma, reached the MJ(not singer, mind you!) station at precisely 9.05am. Yet luck shines, for the bus is late! LOL. There were only four passengers (two moms, two kids) in the big school bus and the driver kept asking whether there's any more (my mom replied she didnt exactly interrogate everyone in the station). The bus was cold and I shivered.

First thing I noticed abt the place... well, huge and black and red sand surrounded the place. But they've put up some graphic design all over the walls, which is covers almost all the outside walls. And surprisingly, the nice building that they so often put in leaflets, is actually to be a shopping mall... The real building to study in is to the side, not as impressive as the shopping mall. So, we went into the office where had to sign up and all the stuff, they wanted to take a pic of us as well (for some certificate of one did it =P. Call me unsporty, but it was kinda corny for me). then the tour of the campus(spacey, but i thought they wasted a hallway for pictures of luct graduates who made it big. And that shopping mall...*sigh*), the guide was funny and the counsellors (Abdullah and David Ho) were excellent. my mom liked the latter counsellor a lot (not THAT way, lol) as she feels he explained enough and his words made her relax her worries abt me pursuing a course in arts. Yes, Lean Chiew, I can hear you harrumphing all the way, lol. Ya, here's your name, you owe me advertising money! =P. Some things that he found out and the things I've learnt from the ppl in LUCT contradicts, but i guess sometimes when you choose a place to learn, it's not only the quality edu you look in...You would also take in the question of environment, recognition and a place to really expand other aspects in self-developement (leadership, PR, etc). Also, it's our own effort. Sorry, am a bit long winded. In fact, a lot of things unpleasant abt LUCT have reached my ears, and I was actually very against it... but then again, life's surprises. Trying for a scholarship there actually. Call me a hypocrite if you like. I suppose I have to empty my head of all the bad testimonies I've heard and judge it meself. Then when the tour was over, a student ambasador (v attractive girl of mixed parentage) was told to bring us to the lecturers or something. We walked a lot and she found out she had been told the wrong information. And there I was thinking that bloopers don't happen to these kind of people! But she was really nice. I just recalled her name started with 'K'. Or 'C'. Oh, damn my memory. Lol.

Anyhoo, the food in the cafeteria tasted funny; there's this chemical taste. The juice is nice though. Ma commented it's a bit pricey. I had to keep shooing flies away from my drinks. Speaking of which... oh, amazing, I haven't even mentioned the amount of flies till now. There are flies in the office, clasroom, cafeteria, the bus... Even the food they are selling. However, like Mom's words: Brand spanking new places usually have them around. Nevertheless I'm bringing my own food if I go there. Halfway into my fishball noodle soup, my mom, noticing the gesture of our fellow bus companion(and her son), told me to stop as the bus is leaving.

Oh, I saw someone I know there (besides LC that is), but I don't think he recognized me. I tapped (Or maybe it was 'whacked'. Hmmm.) him on the arm and greeted him. Well, I wouldn't blame him. The last time he saw me, I was red like a lobster (volleyball-freak at that time...) albeit thinner. Well. Tadaaaa! That's a wrap! (for this anyway =P. feeling all typeactive)

I apologise for the sinfully long entry, but I didn't realize it was while typing. Ah well, let it not go to waste. Right, next!

Argued with a certain superficial someone... over the net that is. Was so incensed by his opinion. Well, I have a nice big prejudice over people who judge one by the surface (perhaps, 'cause I'm not a looker myself =P). It's like, "Oh, I only speak to pretty people, I ignore the rest!". A lousy debator as well. Ended up exchanging insults, of which he kept repeating the same thing. Kinda felt like posting the msgs exchanged between us, but then again, why put his juvenile words on my blog?
You know something? Arguing like this gave me a kind of adrenaline rush. It felt like a rollercoaster ride or groping around in a steep cave with a long drop below. I was indignant, but laughing. I was shaking. It'll like a power I could control. The feeling? I guess it's delirious.
Oh dear, I sound like a mad conquerer, don't I?

Sunday, June 13, 2004


Hmm, yet again another 'failure'. A cultural group of this faith of mine had a recruitment drive, one for choir, another orchestra and last, the artistic dance (or AD for short). Surprise, surprise, I chose the one most unsuitable for me; AD. I'm inflexible and clumsy. However, reached there feeling optimistic, but no, not nervous at all. But the moment I step into the room, all the old feelings rushed back to me.

Some explaination is needed: Few years before I had joined the backdrop team, and let me tell you, it was the period of my life when my feelings were in turmoil and had felt depressed most of the time. Although the experience had lifted my spirit up and brought a smile on my face, I will never forget the agony I had to go through due to the fact I'm a 'banana' (chinese, but more fluent in English rather than my native tongue). Even if the people spoke English, I was painfully awkward and shy. Fortunately, improvement had happened, albeit my old self pops up only occasionally.

Back to topic, I felt all awkward again... until we started warming up and learning the steps. Then I befriended Katherine (or Kathy, am horrible at remembering names) and even talked to a guy there! It was fun, we joked around and moaned about our aching limbs (mark this, it's only the warm up!). Kat is an amazing dancer. Next to her, I'm a tumbling hippo. I think I got two sections of the audition alright. Not perfect, but alright. The third section however I screwed it up; the instructor teaches you on the spot and you have to be able to pick it up quickly. Lacking that ability, I did a monkey dance instead. They say they would contact us if we get in, by next week. It's been a week and no call. I can either maintain that they are smart enough to not choose me or be in denial, claiming my email is screwed up or my handphone has a prejudice against them and absolutely refuses to take their call. Truthfully, I knew I flunked it, but like the whispery words of Arwen Undomiel (sue me for wrong spelling): "There is always hope."

Hmmm. Maybe it only works for elves.

Though the audition flucked, I'm glad I made a friend there. Like said to my friends, I'd rather get to know other people and fail the audition rather than the other way round. Oh and for the next 4 days, I couldn't walk straight. Was limping and sometimes my knees would give way and I'd fall to the ground (fell only one time on the office stairs and it seems even the fats in my ass didn't protect me! Harrumph. If my butt could walk, it would be in crutches). Furthermore, where I work, I had to walk a lot and climb shelves to get heavy files, that by the way, seems to hate me by giving me paper cuts, skin scrapes due to sharp metal edges and falling on moi (the shelf gave way). Because of this too, I realize my mom is not so concerned anymore abt her youngest daughter's misfortunes... when she found out I fell on my ass, she laughed and laughed.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

Sigh. Sometimes... actually most of the time, I become a green-eyed monster whenever I see truly outgoing people who are intelligent and fun and could hold a conversation really well that makes people come back for more and more. They never have to suffer the pain of giving a lacklustre response or sitting in an uncomfortable silence, trying to dig up something to say. My old self still resides cunningly in my soul.

------------- + -------------

{Sudden feeling of dismay. ARGH! Damn my mood swings}

Have you ever felt empty? It's like all around you, there are people, but somehow you just feel... isolated. As though your existence just functions to use up the precious oxygen.

Someone rubbing a circle in a dusty window to have a glimspe outside. The heart gives a tug, then an ache. Yearning and wishing.