Thursday, June 24, 2004

Night Market

Extremely tiring day. If anyone have ever been to the Taman Connaught night market, and walked 3 times from one end to the other end, you'll understand =). This night market has been a source of amusement for both my cousin and me. One of them is the "dress code". No flesh-revealing or body-hugging clothes ( e.g.: tank tops, mini skirt, etc). You can forget the DC if you're with a guy (assuming you're a female). Or else risk the possibility of having some juvenile male in a hawaiian shirt stalking you.

Not that it happened to me, of course.

The 'victim' was my friend, a v pretty one at that. On that day she had on a spaghetti top and mini skirt. It's a long story, but let's just say the guy stalked her for over half an hour (stopping when she does, all the works) that resulted in my group of friends forming a circle of 'protection' around her. Even with her 'bodyguards', he somehow slipped behind her (very very close) and whispered repeatedly in Mandarin, "Be my friend!". He was pretty thick and v creepy until my friend got pissed and slapped him with a "Get lost, jerk". We grabbed her and ran. After we have cooled down and settled down with our lolos, out pops all the 'intelligent' solutions:

"If he comes again, I'll tell him you're my thiu lui (my girl)!"- this coming from a girl

"You know there was a pot of asam laksa nearby, we could had dunk his head..."

"Eh, so many of us, one trip him and the rest step on him la!"

"Could had told him you're actually a man..."

We laughed so hard, that the passing people looked at us funny. Though the whole thing was quite scary and stuff, I can't help admiring that guy for such guts. In the middle of a busy, people-stuffed market! And the end of story? We kept that friend of ours in constant reminder of that incident by mentioning the words "your hawaiian boy".

Back to the present, have gotten food (loads of it), earring, vcd and incense. They have pretty weird names for some incense, like 'Poison' and 'Cannabis'. Have gotten the Cannabis incense and joked to my couz that I'll just light that up and get high.

Another thing famous about the night market, are the beggars. They sit right smack in the middle and look very pitiful. There are some that am disgusted at; Abled-bodied people lying on their stomach. Truthfully I dislike giving money to them as in my opinion, giving food is a better choice. Thinking of carrying a bag of bread the next time I go there. But sometimes I wonder, what does this do to their self-respect? Their pride? You can justify that they are desperate, but still. There must be some way to get them a proper job. Some brought their children along; I don't know if it's to teach the child to be a future beggar or to gain sympathy. But it's NOT the way to bring up a child. You'll get money by looking woeful and pitiful? Shit, that's not how. Call me unfair, but am more saddened for these children rather than the adults. If beggars can jiggle their tupperware filled coins, they can do crafts. Or factory work, using their hands only(nearly all have deformed legs). I don't know how I can help, neither do I have the resources nor the idea how to start.

The moon is crescent tonight, and it's v bright. A lone shining star hangs forlornly above the moon. Stared up at it.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Mad conquerer

Ah, the first Monday I need not drag my butt out of bed before the sun actually rises! In fact, I woke at lunchtime. Crap, my timetable is all messed up again (Happens everything there's no activity to fulfil). My head that has been brimming with loads of ideas while was working, is now floating in an uncomfortable vacancy.

Let's see:
= clean room up (yet again, it seems to have an automatic reset button)
= go for a Toastmasters meeting (just have a look see, need to get over my damned stage fright)
= make candles for colleagues (they gave me another farewell lunch... feel so guily abt it)
= find a new darn hobby (!!!) or learn something
= stop spending so much time on the internet! (spot the irony...)
= sit in a corner going, "Goo goo, ga ga gaaa..."

Now for my weekly updates.

Went to LimKokWing last Saturday; my ma and me have to catch their bus from masjid jamek lrt station at 9am. Was rather worried, as the last time I attempted to go to Go Academy by public transport, I missed the stop by erm, 3 or 4 miles... lol. However, nearly woke up late and endured a 15-minute lecture from my ma, reached the MJ(not singer, mind you!) station at precisely 9.05am. Yet luck shines, for the bus is late! LOL. There were only four passengers (two moms, two kids) in the big school bus and the driver kept asking whether there's any more (my mom replied she didnt exactly interrogate everyone in the station). The bus was cold and I shivered.

First thing I noticed abt the place... well, huge and black and red sand surrounded the place. But they've put up some graphic design all over the walls, which is covers almost all the outside walls. And surprisingly, the nice building that they so often put in leaflets, is actually to be a shopping mall... The real building to study in is to the side, not as impressive as the shopping mall. So, we went into the office where had to sign up and all the stuff, they wanted to take a pic of us as well (for some certificate of attendance...no one did it =P. Call me unsporty, but it was kinda corny for me). then the tour of the campus(spacey, but i thought they wasted a hallway for pictures of luct graduates who made it big. And that shopping mall...*sigh*), the guide was funny and the counsellors (Abdullah and David Ho) were excellent. my mom liked the latter counsellor a lot (not THAT way, lol) as she feels he explained enough and his words made her relax her worries abt me pursuing a course in arts. Yes, Lean Chiew, I can hear you harrumphing all the way, lol. Ya, here's your name, you owe me advertising money! =P. Some things that he found out and the things I've learnt from the ppl in LUCT contradicts, but i guess sometimes when you choose a place to learn, it's not only the quality edu you look in...You would also take in the question of environment, recognition and a place to really expand other aspects in self-developement (leadership, PR, etc). Also, it's our own effort. Sorry, am a bit long winded. In fact, a lot of things unpleasant abt LUCT have reached my ears, and I was actually very against it... but then again, life's surprises. Trying for a scholarship there actually. Call me a hypocrite if you like. I suppose I have to empty my head of all the bad testimonies I've heard and judge it meself. Then when the tour was over, a student ambasador (v attractive girl of mixed parentage) was told to bring us to the lecturers or something. We walked a lot and she found out she had been told the wrong information. And there I was thinking that bloopers don't happen to these kind of people! But she was really nice. I just recalled her name started with 'K'. Or 'C'. Oh, damn my memory. Lol.

Anyhoo, the food in the cafeteria tasted funny; there's this chemical taste. The juice is nice though. Ma commented it's a bit pricey. I had to keep shooing flies away from my drinks. Speaking of which... oh, amazing, I haven't even mentioned the amount of flies till now. There are flies in the office, clasroom, cafeteria, the bus... Even the food they are selling. However, like Mom's words: Brand spanking new places usually have them around. Nevertheless I'm bringing my own food if I go there. Halfway into my fishball noodle soup, my mom, noticing the gesture of our fellow bus companion(and her son), told me to stop as the bus is leaving.

Oh, I saw someone I know there (besides LC that is), but I don't think he recognized me. I tapped (Or maybe it was 'whacked'. Hmmm.) him on the arm and greeted him. Well, I wouldn't blame him. The last time he saw me, I was red like a lobster (volleyball-freak at that time...) albeit thinner. Well. Tadaaaa! That's a wrap! (for this anyway =P. feeling all typeactive)

I apologise for the sinfully long entry, but I didn't realize it was while typing. Ah well, let it not go to waste. Right, next!

Argued with a certain superficial someone... over the net that is. Was so incensed by his opinion. Well, I have a nice big prejudice over people who judge one by the surface (perhaps, 'cause I'm not a looker myself =P). It's like, "Oh, I only speak to pretty people, I ignore the rest!". A lousy debator as well. Ended up exchanging insults, of which he kept repeating the same thing. Kinda felt like posting the msgs exchanged between us, but then again, why put his juvenile words on my blog?
You know something? Arguing like this gave me a kind of adrenaline rush. It felt like a rollercoaster ride or groping around in a steep cave with a long drop below. I was indignant, but laughing. I was shaking. It'll like a power I could control. The feeling? I guess it's delirious.
Oh dear, I sound like a mad conquerer, don't I?

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Isolated

Hmm, yet again another 'failure'. A cultural group of this faith of mine had a recruitment drive, one for choir, another orchestra and last, the artistic dance (or AD for short). Surprise, surprise, I chose the one most unsuitable for me; AD. I'm inflexible and clumsy. However, reached there feeling optimistic, but no, not nervous at all. But the moment I step into the room, all the old feelings rushed back to me.

Some explaination is needed: Few years before I had joined the backdrop team, and let me tell you, it was the period of my life when my feelings were in turmoil and had felt depressed most of the time. Although the experience had lifted my spirit up and brought a smile on my face, I will never forget the agony I had to go through due to the fact I'm a 'banana' (chinese, but more fluent in English rather than my native tongue). Even if the people spoke English, I was painfully awkward and shy. Fortunately, improvement had happened, albeit my old self pops up only occasionally.

Back to topic, I felt all awkward again... until we started warming up and learning the steps. Then I befriended Katherine (or Kathy, am horrible at remembering names) and even talked to a guy there! It was fun, we joked around and moaned about our aching limbs (mark this, it's only the warm up!). Kat is an amazing dancer. Next to her, I'm a tumbling hippo. I think I got two sections of the audition alright. Not perfect, but alright. The third section however I screwed it up; the instructor teaches you on the spot and you have to be able to pick it up quickly. Lacking that ability, I did a monkey dance instead. They say they would contact us if we get in, by next week. It's been a week and no call. I can either maintain that they are smart enough to not choose me or be in denial, claiming my email is screwed up or my handphone has a prejudice against them and absolutely refuses to take their call. Truthfully, I knew I flunked it, but like the whispery words of Arwen Undomiel (sue me for wrong spelling): "There is always hope."

Hmmm. Maybe it only works for elves.

Though the audition flucked, I'm glad I made a friend there. Like said to my friends, I'd rather get to know other people and fail the audition rather than the other way round. Oh and for the next 4 days, I couldn't walk straight. Was limping and sometimes my knees would give way and I'd fall to the ground (fell only one time on the office stairs and it seems even the fats in my ass didn't protect me! Harrumph. If my butt could walk, it would be in crutches). Furthermore, where I work, I had to walk a lot and climb shelves to get heavy files, that by the way, seems to hate me by giving me paper cuts, skin scrapes due to sharp metal edges and falling on moi (the shelf gave way). Because of this too, I realize my mom is not so concerned anymore abt her youngest daughter's misfortunes... when she found out I fell on my ass, she laughed and laughed.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

Sigh. Sometimes... actually most of the time, I become a green-eyed monster whenever I see truly outgoing people who are intelligent and fun and could hold a conversation really well that makes people come back for more and more. They never have to suffer the pain of giving a lacklustre response or sitting in an uncomfortable silence, trying to dig up something to say. My old self still resides cunningly in my soul.

------------- + -------------

{Sudden feeling of dismay. ARGH! Damn my mood swings}

Have you ever felt empty? It's like all around you, there are people, but somehow you just feel... isolated. As though your existence just functions to use up the precious oxygen.

Someone rubbing a circle in a dusty window to have a glimspe outside. The heart gives a tug, then an ache. Yearning and wishing.