Saturday, May 28, 2005

Is This What We Call...? [fiction]

It was his laughing eyes that trapped my eyes, and later my heart.

Cliche-ish as it may be, but he brought out the best in me. Every time I am with him, it's as though the surroundings morphed into a green meadow with fragile deers, chirp-happy birds and curious rabbits. Many feelings, hidden beneath an inch of dust resurfaced, clumsy yet triumphant. He's my exhilirating roller coaster ride, as it plunges down from the heavens, my momentary lightness by floating in the air. My heart seems to grow bigger and press against every veins and nerves in my body. This heart of mine that refused orders from my analytical brain, just for this eagerly awaited skip in the heart. A single touch that sends tingles up my spine. When he looks at me, a certain warmth blooms from my innards. How can something deemed sinful feel so good?

Is this what we call 'love'? Is it enough if I say his arms are my home, my comfort blankie where a single smell brings back thousand memories? When i feel an electric current that jolts me alive when his fingertips touches mine? when he shields me with his coat as droplets fell from the sky? when he kisses me in my morning breath? With his arm draped over me now and his breath caressing my face gently, I wanted this to last forever.

Suddenly his beautiful lashes flutter and he wakes. He smiles and I melt, remembering the time when he confesses his love. Then he glances at his gold watch at the side table and says shit i'm late. The wall clock says it's eight and it is night.

It's time for him to return to his wife.

{ fiction }

Thursday, May 26, 2005

With thy betrayal...

.. woe is me! how dare thee inflict this suffering upon my fragile temperament? haven't i not paid the dues, have i not been loyal to your humble service??? every day i await thy precious presence and accost thee into the night! how could you fail me when i need thee most?!?

damn youuuuuuu, streamyx! why cannot connect to the web wan, until i have to use my college's computer instead. i got work to do wan you know! a lot of marks, want me to die is it??? Apala! i want to bite your telephone lines already!

Painting, painting and more painting.

Yay! 8000 visits to me humble blog! Doumo arigatou~~! Not that I'll receive any award or anything, but at least I know there are people comin' over here =P.

My legs ache from crossing it for a long time. I propped up my canvas against my bed and sat on the floor. Luckily my composition is horizontal... find it easier to paint than vertical. Anyway, update on my painting, getting a hang of it after painting for 4 hours ++ straight. It doesn't look like Drew Barrymore (my subject matter) but at least it looks human. Am 'following' Fragonard (Rococo)'s style of painting (we have to follow a master's style) and the way he paints, the face is detailed and careful and the rest is free stokes which is not that detailed but shows the form... So when I'm done with the face, the rest (hopefully) would be easier. Fragonard is a genius. Unlike boring boring art, his paintings and drawings mostly suggests fun, cheekiness and slight erotica.

My mom had came to check if I was alive, the perfect moment when I was mixing colours on the side of my knees (my palette ran out of space). I looked at her and she looked at me and went like, "...." then shut the door again.

I'll post my painting once I'm done with it. Now resting.

Twas 4pm when I got home from coll yesterday after a night nap of 2 hours, I ate then promptly fell asleep. Until 10pm. And I can't collect my 11R photos until Tuesday because the photo shop closed at exactly 10pm. Boo-hoo. Then I showered (yea, stink like hell), ate, then promptly went to sleep again.

Hey, I'm a teenager okay, need sleep to grow. Albeit horizontally. Same thing I suppose. Bah! My bro calling me 'Chu-pa', I think it means pork chop something.

Back to cause legs pins-and-needles. Toodles now.

Friday, May 20, 2005

it's a hard day's night, been working like a dog

when i look at my canvas, i feel like crying.

i seriously do NOT know how to paint.

*goes into depression and self-pity*

gonna drag the dumb thing over to coll tomorrow to seek major help from my lect.

i have stress from my toes to about one meter above my head. design studies project haven't been aprroved. there's an exam tomorrow. i've been sick for nearly two weeks and getting a nauseous feeling these days. and no, i'm NOT pregnant. and i hope my photography prints turn out okay... why the heck do i have to wait four days for one 11R pic??? siaoness!

smile for the day: in the lrt, a mother carrying her boisterous child while her husband tags behind. both parents had dark circles under their eyes and moved rather slowly as though v lethargic. now i could see why babies look so damn fresh, because next to their parents, the contrast 'complements' each other, lol.

off to study.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Bouncy Happy

Today is one of those days when I can't help skipping around the house in a happy mood. And I don't know why. What chemicals have my brain been cooking up? What are those neurons doing up here? or is the name 'neutrons'? Like shite I know, I didn't take biology and my general knowledge is at a dismal point. Sad really. I wish there are more people to chat nice stuff with. Because somehow my IQ seems to be dropping rapidly due to neglection of intellectual stimulation. Intelligent chats are among the things I truly enjoy, even though at times, I'm not bright enough to understand. Maybe I'm too serious? Beneath my stupidity and silliness perhaps. Am a stupid girl really. The other day someone was talking to me about handphones and to my horror, all those model names etc are alien to me. Same goes for computers. All I could do is stare blankly back at them. This coming from a former vice-president of her school's technology club. Hey, I'm under computer software la, and to be anal retentive specific, HTML and graphics. And to think I'm planning to bleach my hair blond soon XD. Nolah, maybe orange. Considering my IQ level, it's better not to fall into that stereotype...

Right, my train of thoughts taking over the mechanism in my fingers *type type*.

It's just those days when excessive adrenaline pumps through my veins... it just makes me wanna run. I get this quite often, which makes me wonder why I'm still fat XD.

Been sick for more than a week. Sore throat and slight flu. Whoever owns strepsils will love me. But after a week of avoiding sambal, curry and french fries, I dont care anymore, consuming or not consuming them makes no difference. Just hope that I won't fall -terribly- sick. My worse experience of illness was when I couldn't speak for nearly a week. Yep, that's even worse than staying overnight at the hospital for blood tranfusion, and under a charge of a nurse (actually, doctor too, XD) who couldn't locate my veins.

Not speaking for a week is a bit frustrating at times, but by the third day there was a certain peacefulness in myself. By not having a voice, I am not obligated to speak, I have a reason to stay silent. Mind you, am a sufferer of verbal diarrhoe. i can't help it. However there are certain friends of whom I can spend time with them without uttering a word (okay, maybe a 'hello' for politeness sake) and feel very comfortable. Their company is enough for me. Or maybe we just know each other too well until there's nothing to speak about.

I should be doing my assignments now. Really. Am going to be very busy totemo isogashii starting from now. And I'm still procrastinating.

3 weeks left until coll sem ends.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Pardon Me, I'm Quizzical


I don't even comb my hair
When I wake up in the morning
I've always been like that
My clothes are on the floor
And I just don't have the time to put them back

Ladida da da
Ladida da da

Is this what you truly want for a girlfriend?
Or am I just someone you find pretty cute for a good time?
Don't go breaking my heart
I think very deeply and I hold very dearly from the start
So why do you still love me
I'm so useless in the kitchen
And my cuisine is lousy
It makes you want to curl
My toes are awfully huge
And I am not just the stuff that makes a girl

Ladida da da
Ladida da da

Is this what you truly want for a girlfriend?
Or am I just someone you find pretty cute for a good time?
Don't go breaking my heart
I think very deeply and I hold very dearly from the start
So why do you still love me?

Pardon me ... I'm quizzical
Pardon me but I'm quizzical
Pardon me ... I'm quizzical

I don't even call you baby
'Cause that's what I call my dog
It would have sounded funny and so strange
Don't expect me to be crawling over you
For maybe I am just a poor unromantic
Why do you still love me?
So why do you still love me?

Monday, May 09, 2005

dedicated to my dead tortured spectacles

opticians get a tic in their eye (pun unintended) when they see me handle my glasses. no matter how many mini manuals they hand me, i still break all the rules of Spectacle-Care-101. my poor tortured glasses. i take them off with one hand, use my t-shirt to wipe the lenses, sleep with them on, occasionally tossing them onto some surface (hard & soft), sometimes fixing the bridge with my bare hands... the last time i had to change it was because i sat on them poor things. if i can't even sit on someone's lap without flattening it, what more can we expect of glasses? they broke like twigs when trodded on by elephants.

i got my new glasses today. just changed the lenses though. it took the guy, quite a young chap, 40 minutes to carefully cut the lenses to the shape i wanted and he held it like it was his baby when he gave it to me. He nearly went into a spasm when he saw me putting it on and then taking them off roughly, both done with one hand. Okay, exaggeration obviously, there was just a sudden jerking movement in his arms. Quickly, I held them with two hands. My glasses I mean, not him. Not to mention my glasses are frameless, thus more fragile than the framed ones.

Opticians are really anal when it comes to proper glasses handling, especially the two-hands-rule. i've encountered 3 so far. they should had been driving instructors instead.

but he did my lenses really nicely, i can see better now. so, even though he'll prolly never see this, doumo arigato.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

"How the hell..." day

Yes people.

It's my 'how the hell...' day. First of all, I was drinking Anglia Shandy (because my ma told me to drink smthg cooling due to my sore throat XD) and noticed blood trickling down my hand. Small, but painful thus interfering with dialy activities, a bloody 'chilli padi' and I had no idea how I got it. Kezia suggests that I eat more salt? Apparently if a body lacks salt, you could cut yourself and not feel anything until the obvious appears.
I better eat more salt or else someone will take advantage of my 'numbness'.

How the hell... no 2. : Waking up at 5am on my bed with no recollection of getting into it. My work was still undone on the table and I was hugging my bag that was thrown on bed when got home from coll. And for you dirty minded peeps, I was fully clothed, thankyouverymuch. But I think I'll avoid any future beer parties. Just to be safe =P.

Also, my dummy is in a different position. you know, those wooden dolls used by artists where one can manipulate the arms, legs, etc? Well, yesterday I had it in a sitting pose. Why the heck is it in a kungfu pose when I woke up? Two arms raised at the sides and a raised knee. How the hell...?

Feeling rather depressed today. I was speaking to my friend today about a betrayal, kind of, that happened to me. It was years, years ago, and it's not often that I think about it. but when it was formed into words, somehow my heart ached hard. I nearly cried, even though my lips was smiling. i didn't though. It's silly, really, to still feel the pain after these years.

One time, there was a very interesting forum topic i stumbled upon. describing yourself in metaphors. I was 'a porcelain vase' =)

Who am I? A weirdly shaped vase that compliments its surroundings. Random flowers in the vase are mostly still buds, yet there are a few that has bloomed. The water is blue tinted but clear and it sparkles in the sunlight. The smooth porcelain surface reflects its surroundings, light bouncing off the surface, illuminating the area. There are traces of glue on it's surface... A closer inspection will tell that this object had been broken before, more than once and had been put back together with the greatest care. There are some missing chips. It is not perfect but it's okay.

I have this weird habit. Sometimes I look into the mirror, or clasp my hands, it's a feeling of 'hello, i'm made of matter. these are my hands'. My name is Gianne. Speaking them aloud I find those words that was usually familiar to me sounding... strange. It's like meeting someone for the first time, and you study their features, but only that the stranger is yourself. It becomes a third person scenario thing. Over the body I call mine, the questions 'I' whisper, who are you? what is your purpose?

is all that you've gone through enough to be sure of your existence? this vast universe.

maybe other people don't really exist.

welcome to my melancholy world.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Watch out boys...

The “product“ is a kind of protection against rape, somewhat similar to a tampon in that it’s user carries it inserted into her vagina. The basic idea is that the woman carries the protective device in her vagina. In it there is a sharp pin which has a penetrating effect on the perpetrator’s penis in the event of a rape.

Well, they probably deserve it, but erm... OUCH??? *shudder*

Monday, May 02, 2005

Shake, Rattle and Roll

Have you ever seen the 'Shake, Rattle and Roll'? If not, join me when I'm doing a presentation! Okay, I don't do the dancing (unless if you count shaking as dancing... if yes, don't go clubbing. ever.)... it's actually a phobia.

I don't get it. If I can dance Tango or a subdued version of the CanCan Girls (Hi Puvi! *wink*) in front of the classroom full with people, why can't I do a bloody presentation without stuttering, err-ing and stumbling over words? It's times like these where I really envy those who waltz in the room, who barely practiced what they are to say, and words flow out from their mouth, amusing and entertaining the audience. Born public-speakers! GAH!!! it's just so frustrating!

well, a lot of advices has been dispensed to my directions; speak more in front of people! practice in front of the mirror! wear a very low cut blouse and a short short mini skirt! (haha, what if i'm presenting about rape about an irony) and probably one of the weirdest, drink a lot of water beforehand and hold your bladder during presentation, which supposedly makes me concentrate on the basic necessity and slide through the presentation like someone on a oil-strewn path.

But the advice I use most (though, still not effective for me...) is imagine your audience in their underwear. But in my nervousness, there are times when I possess extra-extra Superman X-Ray power and see them in their birthday suit instead. Not a pretty sight. But not counting the time when my crush was among the audience *evil laughter*. what a happy day it was XD. I'm still wondering who thought that up. There must be more variations of this advice. whatever makes you comfortable, happy and amused? e.g.: people in bunny suits (effective for male speaker in a roomfull of well-endowed girls). For nudist... maybe they should imagine people in clothes? =P

another day, another confession. (someone should really get the Christian Confession Box for non-Christians where they'd sprinkle tap water over you instead of Holy Water)