Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Late Bloomer

I have a blister on my thumb from scooping steaming rice non-stop for an hour. It's quite addictive actually.... the pure joy of a perfect half-sphere of rice plopped into a polystrene container! It was for the Soka Gakkai participants of Citawarna of something. We had to 'tapao' apparently 1200 of food, but it felt like abt 400? Everyone was speaking chinese and I was blur. I think it's 400 packets. The lauk looked so scrumptious. It's fortunate that my conscience is equipped with self-control and dignity. Or else I would had leap and gobble it all up. *smack self on head* Ohmmm... mustn't think of fatty food... fats need no more company... On the way home I was feeling a bit miffed at the little girl I was playing with there. While waiting for the food to be ready, I was chatting with this girl and playing some stuff. I also drew, surprisingly, a very nice female face. Then they announced the food is ready and I stuffed that paper in my bag, zipped it and went for my 'volunteer' work. Once done with packing, washing and all, it was missing, and I found out that the girl took it to try out the 'ring of dancing ladies' I just taught her, which involves cutting the paper to bits. I was speechless. For a conclusion, I'd say it's safe to say it's in the bin, 'RIP' as in 'Rest In Pieces'.

So for the rest of the ride, I was silent. But that's also because I was slightly pooped, because other than scooping rice/lauk, I cellotaped boxes together, washed a lot of metal containers and carried the boxed packets into a truck. And I like sleeping in the car =P. Somehow today I remembered my thoughts, even though I fell asleep just after thinking about it.

It's funny how the older I become, the humbler I am. How do I explain it? As a young kid I used to be damn arrogant about everything. I used to discriminate as well, from food to culture to people. I used to feel superior just because I had two English names, and pooh-poohed at Chinese culture and language even though I'm Chinese. I was judgemental when I haven't even tried getting to know what it is all about. But like said, I've grown humbler, no longer do I feel like I tower all of these. In reality I was just a kid and everything else is small and insignificant. But as I grew physically, I became 'smaller'. A speck of grey dust against the rainbow across the sky. Sometimes I curse myself for being so close-minded, and closing my eyes off to the wonderful world just at my feet. Appreciation is a beautiful thing to give, feel. There is just an infinite of things to try.

Now, I'm just trying to catch up on what I've been missing. The foods I used to avoid just because 'I didn't like the look of it' are now my favourite. Like fried ginger/onion, raw salmon, and salmon eggs. I regret not following through my Mandarin lessons, for at times I feel so out. I regret not having enough determination to finish what I started. My passion for things last time is like a matchstick. It sparks, it flares then it progresses towards the other end, but I always blow it out before it's done. There's still a bit of wood left. Haha, see, out of topic again.

Anyway, I bow to thee, Life. For I am thy humble student.

Other updates, went out with Mun Ling two weeks back, watched Mr & Mrs Smith and took lovely sticker pics. Will post it up once I scan it. Watched Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with Lean Chiew. Quite a humorous show... I even grew a liking for the opening song =P. Feel like borrowing the book from someone. Check the show out! I'm starting to like TGV and its Tuesday's Ladies' Day. RM8 ticket. Nyek.

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