Friday, September 30, 2005

to turn the sands of time

when i was young, everything was bigger than life. the christmas tree, the (now) tiny lane in our old backyard, bank counters and light switches. then those irritating, curious questions that a child would ask. why is drinking pool water bad? why can't i pee in the pool/bath/standing up? why why why...??

now that i've grown, and everything else had shrunk. i don't have to stand on a chair to put that fairy on the top of the tree, nor do i have the need to jump like a monkey to turn the lights on and off. It's alright ma'am I'm capable of doing just that myself, thankyouverymuch. smiling awkwardly, we part, probably to meet again in the many years to come.

then why do i like those days?

those days. everything delights me. tremendously. like washing dishes or turning keys in the locks or a new mechanical pencil my friend had gotten. tadpoles caught in homemade nets. floating origami boats carrying messages down the longkang of my old house, hoping for someone to reply, more preferably the shy gnomes and fairies that Enid Blython writes about. we weren't embarassed by our own bodies, and its 'bloopers'. that quality of not giving a rat's ass to what people think of you. unmolded by society. like how uplifting it was to help someone in need, without doubts or hesitation.
[now, sometimes, in buses or trains, i don't know how to specifically give someone my seat. what i do is i stand up, rather than to bear the guilt of sitting comfortably when many are on their feet.]


sometimes i look at my parents. just looking. just wondering.

they were young once too. Or still are.


the cheeky glint in her eyes when with friends, reminising old times, teasing, or complaining about boring old men.

the glazed look when he remembers his heydays of kungfu, lion-dancing and flourescent bellbottoms. The happy raucous jokes when yumcha-ing with friends, chugging beers by the cartons.

there has to be regrets deep in their hearts, something that would never be told to their children. a juicy secret kept like exquisite expired chocolates in a hidden box. at the height of emotional distress, we'd may be allowed a tiny glimpse of that secret, but it's usually garbled or too short and vague to be pieced together into a tangible story. then when they are quiet. radiating invisible ladened aura, swelling up a certain discomforted feeling of acknowledging a presense you shouldn't.

an aftermath of a bittersweet memory?

i'm growing older. my parents are no longer mom and dad. instead they are morphing into something more complex, more disturbing yet beautiful. at least, in my eyes.
is it normal to start identifying that they are human beings?
or was i late again to realise that?


another weird thought from a sleepy hippo.


good night,
sleep tight,
bite them bed bugs right?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Slamming Doors and Being Vain

It usually fades in. But this time someone whacked the drums of heaven and the sudden impact made the pregnant clouds burst. An interesting way to introduce itself. Talking about the rain by the way. I treat it like a game of pinatas, showering colourfully wrapped sweets. But remember, too much brings diabetes while too little of it contributes to depression.


My neighbours must be thinking that this house has a very bad-tempered girl living in it as I keep slamming the door, in varying strengths. It went on for like, five minutes, actually. But the tremors are quite obvious la. The doorframe shudders everytime I pull the door back for another go. My left arm must be slightly bigger from the whole slamming thing. Lucky I ain't a guy, sure salah faham wan. Hmm. Dearly hope that no cracks will appear.

And the reason for slamming doors is not because of a hissy whiny PMS-caused fit. I'm doing 'Foley' aka sound effects. It's for my video animatics (and haven't finished it if I might add, tomorrow must let Lecturer see! Haven't even started on animation animatics...Dig grave, dig grave). Other sound effects I recorded with my trusted headphone punya microphone, are door knocks (used my table) and alarm ringing. Not much la. I had to do a one man show of dialogs and narrations as well. Felt damn stupid doing that... lol.

Heh. But foley... I kinda always wanted to do that ever since I visited Universal Studios in LA. They showed us how they made the squelshy-sound of marsh footsteps... it's for this hairy monster called Harry if I recall right... I took a Kodak moment with him, where he draped one of his leg around the back of my shoulder.

... yes, I'm both horizontally and vertically challenged. But that time I was only the latter as I was a healthy 9 year old. (then everything went downhill from there, XD)



Damn, lucky I live by the digital artist's motto of 'Thou must save thy work'. The lights and every single electrical appliance went *poop!* and was left staring incredulously at the blank screen, engulfed by the darkness. I DID lose some stuff, like a bit of this blog entry and one or two really anal adjustment on my animatics on Adobe Premiere. And at moments like this, my father and I reach a mutual understanding. Oh, he works at home, and uses 5 computers. Anyway, you'd hear two absolutely synchronised utter of 'SHIT!'. A perfect score!!! *clap clap* Such a Hallmark moment, ain't it? *sniffle*




Is it possible to wear make-up all the time until when you don't, your own mother can't recognise you?

Nolah, I don't do make-up, with very valid reasons.

About once or twice a year, I get the itch to try some make up (MU). It's not that I hate my face or something, I prefer it au naturel FYI, but have you ever seen those celebrity laydees when they have a nekkid-face? Erm, not that pretty la. Eye shadow, foundation, mascara and what-not REALLY transformed them.

Furthermore I'm a closet vainpot. Haha.


But so far, have been refraining from reaching into the dusty MU compartment. Then what happened?

XiaXue's blog. There's an entry where she posted pics up on how to put make-up (her style anyway). My eyes scanned with interest and my hands started a'itchin'.


So I try.

Anddddd T A D A!!!! The result is..... *twirls, put glasses on and gaze into the mirror*

WTF. I look like someone who has gone through Woman Abuse Prevention Hotline. If mirror could crack it would.
(sorry, no camera, thank gawd)

Hobbit tells me that MU ain't for me. He was showing his durian hairstyle over his webcam. Quite tall, that gelled hair. Compensating for height, I jest. Sigh. Anyway, the last time, I looked like a gawdy opera singer. And before that, a clown. I just never learn you know?

I give up.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Ostriches are stupid...

...And so am I, getting, because I had to look up the bloody dict. to spell it.

Okay, picture this. Pretend you're a chicken or a bird or any other egg-laying creature mommy. Someone takes your eggs. What do you do? Dive bomb the little prick like a thousand kamikaze pilots? Draw a mental Bull's Eye on their head, and shit on them everyday until you die? Or eat the baby-snatcher slowly all the way down the Amazon river, blood like acrylic disolving in tainted water (imagine this ONLY if you're an alligator or crocodile, no hummingbird or platypus can't do the menacing-job). Well, whatever your method is, you just won't let them get away so easily isn't it? Let alone fry your eggs (not males', okay!) right in front of you!

Well, it's actually a cooking show. Astro's Travel and Living. Yeap.

The chef actually whipped up a whole ostrich cruisine surrounded by 25++ ostriches, in the field. Aiseh, not scared meh?!? That takes some balls. I thought it'll be like whacking a guy in front of his 100 yakuza tattoed brothers. If you want to know, ostriches pack a mean peck and rivals Bruce Lee in the kicking department (VERY powerful legs). So I watched in wide-eyed anticipation as he cracks the huge egg slowly and nicely, breaking the yolk. Sadly, no torrents of flying beaks appeared. Instead, they are like so 'tidak-apa'. And the guy happily cooking. Quite fai. That's just so, haha-I've-got-your-babies-and-they-taste-greattttt!!!! *pause* NyehhhhHhh(uh, you'll only understand this if you've watched Kung-Pow)Hhhh.


Does it stop here? NoOoOo. The fella went off and the ostriches basically thrashed the area; spilling the oils, tasting the leftover ingredients, shaking the flour out of the bag etc. And I think, ahhh, maybe they are not so dumb after all...

They just had to prove me wrong you know.

Just then, they put their beaks into the cracked shell halves, to taste it! Actually there's leftovers of the egg in the bowl nearby and they tried that as well. Another three took the cover off the pot which contains stewing ostrich meat, and well, u know what happened! It was steaming hot, so only one managed to.


*smack head* I'm speechless.

Bah, cannibals. But then again, what do I expect from creatures whose eye is bigger than its brain? Any stupid-er, they'd be laying their eggs standing up.

Or right into a pot of boiling water for that matter.

Okay, the meat I can understand, it's all chopped up so you wouldn't know it's your kins right, stupid big birds? I mean, if a human is chopped up and it looks like regular chicken meat, you might unsuspectingly eat it and go, MmMmmm! Yummy in my tummy!

Erm. Eww. Not gonna be eating chicken rice for a while. Sorry if had disgusted anyone (gianne, gomen gomen!<-- yea disgusted myself. just replace 'gianne' with your name if yer insulted). *plonk* Just got hit by a memory. Skip this if you've fainted or having wobbly knees. It, apparently, tastes like pork. Testimony of a human cannibal before getting electrocuted to death. What a nice little irony. He's cooked.


Whole entry ranting about ostriches. I wonder who is more stupid.
Why am I acting so free? Two animatics to finish in two days, and half of it is gone. Completed none.
Bye-bye sleep.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Snippets from Thoughts

An ant moving jerkily across my wrist. Quite jumpy than usual actually. On drugs?

A little girl in the train who reminded me of the women Fragonard paints. Rococo era btw.

==============

Malaysia, practice what you preach. Religious freedom? Let Lina Joy fully embrace her new belief/path officially and not "cease to be Malay". What a ridiculous statement, it's a race la. So if I renounce Buddhism (or Taoism), would I be shunned aside and cease to be Chinese? Tis' impossible for this blood is streaming in my veins.

====================

In Malaysian Idol 2 finals, Nita sung the 3 songs damn well, loved her 2nd funky retro song 'Big Spender', while Daniel only hit it on his last one. The song written for them, 'Mimpi' sucks big time. Rivals the big black hole in space. Currently wondering to vote or not to vote. [Nita btw, durrrr] Have only truly watched the final, and I used to hate at-the-end-only-voters (<--this when was a big HUMONGOUS fan of AI 3 and MI 1).

Hmm.

Faizul/KampungBoy was wearing some penguin-low carrot-cut pants. Looks weird and I laughed but got 'rocker' look la. Xerra dyed her hair blue. Niceeee. *thumbs up*

Loved the duet though, it was VERY nice. Phil Collins' You'll Be in My Heart, in Malay. When they're signing face-to-face, I noticed -> Nita so tall, Daniel so short, so cute, hahaha. Latter was wearing a suit with those smart shiny shoes. And the weird thing is? I felt strangely attracted to him. Never in the past weeks. Only this time. Why?!? Is it the grin? Is it the 'clam' hair colour? Chigau!!! (<-- that's 'wrong' in Japanese)

Then it hit me. Has been something my brain was mulling over recently. What is it?? *drumroll and thunderstorms* It's just that... well, there's something incredibly sexy about a suit-clad man. Coat, tie and all. Yea, including those shiny shoes. Whenever I see a guy who fits this criteria and has a lovely face and body to match, preferably with broad shoulders and moderate muscles, the little thermometer in my head rises fast and goes, "Ding ding ding ding!!!! Your maggee mee is ready!" Hahah, jk. Abt the Maggee mee. Anyway, they look so good. Put it this way. They're like solemnly wrapped Christmas presents that are just dying to be opened. Hold on, I'll have to use a bowl to collect my drool.

Maybe the suit makes them look intelligent or smthg. But then my taste is very versatile. Like Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a singlet would do just fineeeee.

Sorry, hormones raging. and typing. and drooling.

Must be the tonnes of Korean fried ikan bilis(es?) I had just consumed.


Gianne, out!!!! (Damn, I miss those AI-addicted days)

Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Hippo complains

Neigghhhhh. Whiney time. As usual, presentation for video and sound class is perfect screw-up. Sucks to the high heavens. Again, a harsh blow to my spirit. It's not that I don't know every single scenes I wrote , it's just my stage fright that produces shaking, rattling, VERY bad english grammar, incoherent speech, the detachment of my brain to my body and... oh, painful to relive it and go on. I don't think anyone has any clue on what I'm babbling about. [Actually they weren't paying attention. Haha.] This stage fright... It's gone too far without any improvement, that it's just isn't funny anymore. All I wanted to do after that is wanting to bury my head under the ground. Maybe the rest of my body as well, because a butt sticking out is just a glaring invite to park one's bicycle between butt-cracks. Floor is cement though. Need a hammer. And with that hammer too, I want to whack the lousy little f*cker who stuck their gum on the side of the table into oblivion. Yes, its saliva-covered stickiness stuck to my black pants, the gum was white so it was obvious. Idiots, unless a dustbin is attached to your skin, you will litter and stick gums in strategic places. Actually, you'd still 'snow' the ground with your litter. Not the surroundings but your perfect ignorance of environmental care/cleanliness that is the problem. If you want to stick oso, stick UNDER the bloody table la. Uneducated piece of shit. If I am to be mean, I'd wrap that up, take the saliva to some bomoh and hex you. For male, ED. For female, bad cramp pains. For the unsure, 7 generations of constant diarrhoe. And since we're on the subject... Stop littering la. Little by little add up wan you know? Always complain how dirty Malaysia is when you yourself is a culprit. I don't know how the hell you could mistake a longkang as a trash can which is a step away. Or perhaps you don't bloody care. Next time when you die, I'll just toss you into a drain, and you'll clog drain up, and you're now a bloody nuisance to society. I seem to have the dark cloud of Satan following my every move today. Who won't accept bribes either (No, I will not sell my soul for ten measley years of good luck). Class is still on. Gum incident happened before presentation. Kezia and Seiji are sitting next to me, but I rather reserve my grumpiness to something else. Somehow I don't do whiny noisy tantrums. Silently, underneath composed face, I'm rolling around on the floor like an overturned turtle and screaming red-faced, like a toddler. Grrrr.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Confusing Week

Well, Shakespearean as in Hamlet's dilemma I supposed. Apologise if it all sounds rather melodramatic. It's a spur of the moment thing, an instant extraction from demented mind.

Do you realise that advices we receive, from Aunt Agony to inspirational quotes, sometimes end up contradicting each other. Like when dealing with an unhappy marriage; either get the hell out, or try to work it out in order to keep the sanctity of marriage, sacredness of vows? Afraid of society's frowns? Staying together for the sake of the children? Is that really the best solution? It works for some, but another portion may be growing up, resenting this tie that binds you to a person you hate. Making marriage into Engagement Ring -> Wedding Ring -> Suffering? Hahaha.

Or for what I'm dealing here, they always say what is a life without dreams! Without dreams, life is but a stone, unable to change the situation. No, no, it isn't me. But am just left alone, brooding with the idea of forcefully knocking the nails of reality into this certain person's head. Trampling on someone's dreams. I do not particularly adore to do such a thing, if you want to know, for I too am a dreamer. But when all they have are visions and unrealistic expectations, and everything around them crumbles except this so-called great dreams. It kills not only this person, but us, watching as well. What is there for a girl to do? I mean, I COULD go huddle into some comfy hole and eat the remaining white chocolate macadamia nut cake in the fridge (argh, noooo, fat fat...). But no, I have a wake-up call to complete. Sigh. Why can't I be blissfully ignorant?

It's just weird. This person (erm, let's just call 'this person' as 'C' shall we?), along with me, have learnt the hard way of being blinded by dreams, visions. Well, apparently only one of us learnt and that's me btw. Anyway, we had watched another drag down those who care about him/her/it into the depths of failure. Helplessly clinging onto whatever support in sight. We held out our arms, though reluctantly, to help this stubborn person get up again. Reluctantly because basically he's done so many things that it's so hard for us to forgive, even before the fall. Until now, even though his person has turned much better, this hatred comes back at times, a dagger surprising everyone.

But I'm digging into the wrong subject yet again. So C and I were aware of this danger to this. C condemned this person, putting a very heavy blame upon as well. I was amazed by the maturity C had, by the words. Yet now, I'm seeing C walking the very same path of the person he condemned. Even the footprints almost match. Along with a hard head to match. *siren wails* WARNING WARNING! But C has already stepped into that realm, and our cowboy ropes can't reach him. (my god, pretending C is a bull or something).

On the subject of bulls, so how now brown cow? How can I tell that what I see are shades of dark murky green and grey when all C sees is an array of rainbows, lollipops and gold? Perhaps I should give C my eyes, but I think C thinks of me as all books and no sense of 'vision'.

But then there's also the little poke that this dream might work. But while waiting, we're dying. Basically, dreams is like business. Some are good at executing the job while others lack the needed ability. Some have Lady Luck smiling on them as frequent as the sun shines in the Sahara and as frequent as under the canopy of trees in the Amazon. Or maybe in an underground tunnel.


It's been a confusing week for me. Just the other day, it's some communication problem. I meant one thing and he assumes another. I wasn't implementing that I was looking down upon him, it's only he feels inferior. He's just angry with everyone and the world, because maybe, it didn't turn out the way he wanted it to be. And I can't escape either because we were in a moving vehicle on the highway and I ain't no stuntgirl. It's so scary talking to a person like that, because it's like playing the Russian Roulette.

Aimed at someone's head, but the thing is, whose?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Tastebud Treats for a 'Smart' Girl

Woke up from a slumber yesterday and wondering whether I had really woken up at all.

You see, amidst non-logical dreams, I thought I heard me mam tell me that there's more cake, courtesy from Papua New Guinea Independence Day mini celebration (She works with 'em). Upon discovering it's not me mind playing tricks on me, I headed to the fridge, ignoring dinner and Yowza! Three different flavours! Being me, the chocolate one had a red glaring BullsEye on it (<-imagination).


Look! The top is actually shining~! Wahhhh.... And if the chocolate cake wasn't stomach-melting enough, my mom chided me for tasting chocolate first before the white chocolate macadamia nuts. She went harrumph, I should had known you'd go for the chocolate. Eh, you haven't eat dinner?



Too late, have already cut a slice for self and was going to take a mouthful.

After a few bites, I suspected I have died and gone to heaven.

It's so so so so so so so so supercallifragelisticespially-delicious! Oishii! Sedap sedap! Hoe hoe sek ah!!!
*dies from diabetes*

Soft and creamy, and at the same time, you'd get the whole macadamia nut...

I'll never love white chocolate the same way again. BTW, it's a new one from Secret Recipe apparently. Someone please worship the creator of this cake.

The last one was Blueberry Cheese cake. A let down after the previous taste.


Have I ever mentioned before that I'm a VERY smart girl? So smart, sometimes am so totally marvelled at own fast thinking abilities.

Like for example, after lunch yesterday [nihon no tabemono (?)/ japanese food... soft-shell crab, mmMmMmm], just as I was leaving a shopping mall, saw an incoming bus and I prompted boarded it. I mean, knowing my country's public bus schedule, the next may arrive the next century.

Then it took me about 3 seconds to realise that this bus stops like 1km from my house and it was drizzling heavily.

I should had stayed in the mall longer shouldn't it? So the punishment for being a very smart girl, I walked 40 minutes under the rain, with a few stops of course. Also, at the bus stop approximately 3/4 of my journey, aka rest spot, there JUST had to be a crazy guy sitting there talking nonsense. He spoke to me for about a minute and I was being polite. Then I said, "ah, kena pergi la, basah, nak balik mandi. bye bye." (ah it's wet, want to go home to shower), waved and beat it. Along the way I took some pictures. Drenched from top to toe by the time I rung the bell. I read the newspapers then fell asleep, wet hair and clothes and all.

So far no sign yet of Ah Moi's sister, Ah Choo.

Okay, I admit it, that's a really bad joke.

Here's some shots on the way home whenever I could get some shade. (Digi cam courtesy of Kezia's kindness, heheh)


me, at first shelter. 3 minutes into the walk.
multiply the wetness 14 times = how i looked at my doorstep




Hey, borrow me your bike~~! (Am a ride-beggar, haha jk, i did NOT say that)



N0 mangoes? Nvm, nice operator-couple. Let me rest under their umbrella.


whattt? i like roof tiles.




(abv 2)pretty? colour was dull, so had enchanced it. photoshop rules.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Darkness of Night + Beauty of Tragedies

There once lived a girl who keeps screwing up her snooze time, encouraging further development of panda eyes and the blasted arrival of pimples. It's 2am now and hello =). Had unintentially fell asleep and woke up right smack at midnight. So, can't become brain-dead at the moment. Hmm, actually not really brain-dead, there's REM you know?

Feel like learning guitar again. Or take up photography again. Been looking through photography in DeviantArt, and it's simply mouth-watering, awesome-o-licious. Spotted angel
wings for sale at Times Square, as in, for props? However, RM43 and if me do get that, might get whalloped verbally from me ma who'd wisely say I can get feather dusters for like chirp*

The air outside is nicely chilled. The few stars in my area twinkles once in a while. Yea, very dismal number, unlike in Port Dickson. To borrow a quote from "Three Seasons", the 'carriage-pullers' are poor people, and they live in a stark contrast to the rich visitors who live in hotels and eat 3 full meals a day etc. So while waiting for tourists to come out of the hotel and request their service, one of the carriage-pullers was telling his buddy, "All these 4-star, 5-star hotels... they should come to live at my house, it's 1000-stars! Because my house has no roof."

I wish nights are longer than mornings. To do that I could go to South or North Pole, if I recall my form 3 geography, there's a period of time where it's either morning or night for 24 hours.

Because in the darkness of night, it becomes the time I feel most alive. Of course, I will not be able to compare the fresh air at the break of dawn to it, but I love its stillness. The peacefulness. The danger that may await behind the shadows. You can do anything you want outside, when only the stars are your only witness (perhaps some peepin' Toms) and it'll be too dark for judgemental eyes. Once in a while, if you live near a forest, you'd hear some cricket orchestra, of whom in the past, their ancestors has met my brother's fishing hook. It's time for rest (well, apparently for the rest of the world, harrumph =}) and where it's quiet enough to hear sounds made by nature. Even in war torn countries, night time is when all activites cease, a break from violence. And now, an interuption from my logical mind, hey, rapes happen around that time, creepy crawlies sneak out at night, murders happen at night... Thanks a lot for breaking me from my reverie, O Logical Mind of mine.


We often ask for tragedy to not befall us; these tragedies infinite to list down. Its effects ranges from pure sorrow to petty everyday mistakes. We cry, we moan, complain about these rocks thrown to us unexpectedly. But I appreciate sadness. It's not that I'm trying to be optimistic, I too wail when the rocks hit me, albeit inwardly. Because without, I know not the value of happiness. Over the years, after adolescence years shrouded me in the blues and self-despair, I came to appreciate happiness more. This seemingly elusive thing, this burst of fresh air after being shut in a container breathing in carbon dioxide, that I, and countless of others, are trying to gain. As humans, we live on contrast. Even as an artist, after applying a highlight, we would also add a darker colour near it to emphasize its strength. Like, when I sleep, the air conditioner runs and I cuddle a pillow under a comforting blanket. I did pondered before that I might as well turn it off and sleep without a blanket. Heck, I even tried it. But soon after, it reverts back to wrapping self up like a popiah (with head poked out =P) and enjoying the warmness when it's cold out there.

A hug when the air is warm but my soul is cold.

A gentle smile when all around you are frowning; an extended hand when shoes are thrown at you.


Hate to sound like the Pope or Oprah or similiar, but

Bless this World.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Joseph Gordon-Levitt...

yummy

... looks disturbingly handsome in 'Mysterious Skin'.

A long way since "Third Rock from the Sun" & "10 Things I Hate About You".
*nods head*


A long way since "Third Rock from the Sun" & "10 Things I Hate About You".
*nods head*

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Mixture

A tiring day yesterday.

The day of which, without adequate self control, half the hair on my head will be somewhere at a bottom of a dustbin.

First, after waiting for a late bus for 40 minutes, in rather hazy conditions, and then approximately an hour of stuffy ride, I step into LUCT and a friend immediately tells me that class is cancelled. The time, 9.23am. The next class, 4pm. 7 hours to kill. Kill time I mean, not the lecturer, although I did comtemplate the latter idea for the first 30 minutes.

Second, after typing a longggggg email to a friend of mine and nearly till the end, out of the blue, although I think you may have guessed by now, the browser suddenly hangs, and it reverts to the page before.

A nerve in my brain almost went *pop!*

But it doesn't matter now. If I were as I was a few years back, I would had kept this anger and this *missing* in my heart. But soon I came to a realisation that it doesn't help at all. Besides adding unsatisfaction and dismay, it does nothing else. What else is there to do, but to take a deep breath, release and start over. For the letter I can either practice my rotting memory skills or exercise some creativity skills. I did both, and did the latter first at the beginning by diversifying some #$%#^$#^ words.

I really wanted to throw a fit actually. Note the word, wanted. I hate Monday mornings.

====================

Currently resting from avid blog surfing today.

Instead, was digging out old movies to watch. The amount of dust on it is incredible. By the end of the seacrh and collect, my shirt and hands are covered in white. So far have watched 5 movies. It's for one of me class and am classifying it as homework. And now am suffering from movies overload (if there are such things).

Somehow along the way, I ended up surfing for gothic stuff. Started from Victorian house actually. Anyway, some Goth dresses seem grafity-defying. Some platform-stilletos are so high, that by just looking at them, I get dizzy.

Feeling slightly guilty for not doing housework today. Me mam's a bit miffed that I didn't wash nor iron clothes. On must-do list when I wake then. Never was in my veins, things like this. Some girls are just born with neat and motherly instincts, with qualities that society deems feminine. Maybe the Creator of souls mixed me up with some male genes then.

Just for the record, am heterosexual. Even though I appreciate female figures, where most of my drawings are girls/women, still prefer the opposite sex, because I like, as Sandra Bullock puts it, what they come equipped with.

Reminds me of MataSepet somehow. Whatever you might be thinking, it isn't it. The last I heard of him is him working in some club or smthg. And that he's gotten chubbier. Good luck, man.



The days of blue pinafores, white canvas shoes, bags with lovely number of compartments and the raindrops apparent on these uniforms. I remember running into it, just for a sliver of sight. The sky slowly polka-dotted my pinafore. Everyone clad similiarly, and it's up to yourself on how to be to remembered.
Depressed days. Lonely days. Mischief days.
I'm glad I had someone to make these days memorable, and be fondly looked back upon. However oblivious you are, thank you, for the bittersweet days.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Hitchhiker's Guide to Titiwangsa Station XD

Yesterday, had gone to watch Rakugo, a traditional Japanese sit-down comedy but in English, at the KL Performing Art Centre (KLPAC). Kezia tells me it's her first time going for a theatre performance like this, and I think, Heh, got friend to drag along the next time there's a play =D.

But that day, with the help of a trusty thumb, we hitchhiked, first time for both of us.

I meant it as a joke really. After the show ended, we were walking the long stretch from KLPAC to the main road (to flag down a cab) and many cars passed us so happily. It was hot and was getting bothered and we haven't even covered 1/10 of the walk to the main road. Then I heard a car rumbling behind us, and I jokingly stuck out my thumb, the universal hitchhiking sign, grinning to the unseen driver. Then passing us, the car. actually. Halted. I was like, !!!omigod!!!

Kezia was in front of me and so she didn't see me and she was quite blur (she later told me she thought that I flagged them down like a taxi, hahaha!). We half jogged to the car and saw two ladies in there, and one of them asked, "need a ride to the main road?" Hell yes! They didn't drop us at the main road either, they dropped us off at the Titiwangsa station. I kept stammering thank you soooo much. We shook hands, said nice to meet you etc.

Some small talk exchanged. They had watched Macbeth (a very powerful play by Shakespeare btw), and I stumbled across my words that I know that, did it for English Literature in high school but we watched Rakugo instead. They asked and Kez told them we are from LimKokWing and they said, "Creative ya!" and like a bumbling fool, I said, "Uh, Tak Nak campaign failed" (Good God! Can't I stop myself?), but at least they laughed. I think I said a lot of nonsense, but I can't recall. They are students of UIA, which am not familiar with. We didn't talk much because they are trying to figure out how to get me and Kez to the nearest LRT station. How sweeter can they get? Any more and I'll be injecting insulin in my veins. Anyway I hope they managed to find their way out after dropping us off. They had furry pink dices bouncing around the windows. We don't even know their names. That's all we managed to know about them.

What lead us to this predicament? Damn you taxi drivers who don't know where KLPAC is; even though it's deep in Sentul West, we gave you the full add and there are signboards and one operator cut off the line! We even pondered on acting like desperados by asking people streaming outta the theatre for a ride to the main road where taxi supplies are a'plenty. But with reputation at stake (and that we just don't enjoy watching people run like a cheetah injected with sprinter's-drug or smthg), we ended up walking.

But I guess, should thank 'em taxi drivers as we ended in meeting kind souls and a new experience of course.

The area around KLPAC is sp pwetty. It's serene. Nearby there's a quite completed Japanese styled house. They also had benches made out of wires, basically looks like wireframes, it's so sugoi! They even have docks over the lake. As for Rakugo, I highly recommend the it! It's really really entertaining. Haven't laughed so much lately until this show. However, they've done their last show here already, so p'raps they will be back next year.

Actually I've typed out a lot about how the show went, nearly a blow-by-blow account, but I think it'll just spoil the fun if you ever go and watch it. Pity though... finger-exercised so much, all gone down to the drain. (Gomen gomen, just realised this paragraph sounds a bit hentai)

BTW, found out about Rakugo from the Japanese Foundation website, Malaysia punya, so if you're interested in Japanese culture, it's a good place to start =). Also, here's the Rakugo in English website.

======

Currently, methinks me family is barking mad. Because my dad is barking at the dog. On other news, the pups have stolen my childhood nicknames.

Me mam comes home and yells, "GIRL!!!" and I rush downstairs and she says,
"Eh, hahaha, sorry, I was calling the dog."

My dad opens the door and he says, 'Baby!' and both me and my dogs look up and he says,
"Haha, sorry, I was calling Madie."

So today my dad was smoking a ciggie outside, I said,
"Old Man!!!"
and he looks up and sees me scratching Fido's ears (age: 11 human years).

Mwah.ha.ha.ha.ha.

Loving a Country

July 09, 2005 22:11 PM Johor Umno Says Meritocracy A Form Of Discrimination

JOHOR BAHARU, July 9 (Bernama) -- The Johor Umno Liaison Committee Saturday criticised the meritocracy system introduced by the government, saying that it resulted in a fall in the achievement of Malay students and is a form of discrimination and oppression.

Its chairman, Datuk Abdul Ghani Othman, who is also the Johor Menteri Besar, said it had adversly affected tens of thousands of Bumiputera students in the rural areas who had been denied quality education in view of the "uneven competitive field". (more...)

July 10, 2005 21:05 PM Abdullah Says Problems With Meritocracy System Can Be Discussed

JOHOR BAHARU, July 10 (Bernama) -- Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said anyone who felt the meritocracy system implemented for student entry into public universities created problems could forward their views to the minister concerned for discussion.

He said the government would consider the views and take the necessary measures because whatever system implemented was meant to benefit the students.

"There is no intention to oppress or discriminate against anyone," he told reporters after closing the Umno Johor Convention here Sunday.(more...)

============================

The following opinion applies to only bigots who'd I'd love to bitchslap if it weren't for anti-violence laws. Great example: the Johor UMNO guy, aka narrow-minded little politician.

Since when is meritocrary a DISCRIMINATION??? How friggin' big is the tempurung that you been living under and have you realised how bloody warped your righteousness is?

When you love your country, you do NOT do things like this. Instead you should question, do not fall into this comfortable hole where people around you are building houses, apartments, and sky scrapers. Or you could argue from your little comfy hole that it's your right to expect to do so. This is your loved country and we're just dust particles in your eyes! From the way I see it, you have no love for your country and only for yourself.

I've said before in this forum, there are people who preach on going forward when they themslves are declining into the Middle Ages. Stupids.

Learn more. See more. Don't just get revved up to protect your political right. To protect that, protect yourself first with shields of independence, wisdom and knowledge so no one can doubt or spite you.

AND this also applies to those who does not have the 'special treatment', when they feel so 'wronged' that they do not do anything. They do not work because they question why? For what? I'm not gonna get anything what. Then they'd blame everyone for their 'dire state' but themselves. From the government to their school and even extend this blame to their parents. Yep, keep doing that and you're really nothing but a discontented brat. Firstly, get off your butt and stop complaining. Stop whining, because it's bloody irritating. Such a turn off.

I'm still at the top of the 9-inch dust that covers the truth and I've only cleared about 1 inch or less. 8 inches more to go. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not learned in this subject. I've only started, a tiptoe into this undiscovered land. I used to accept political parties by their manifesto, and never really delving deep into it. Tun Mahathir as well, I respect him as a quick and a very intelligent man who also have the abilities and charisma to lead Malaysia, but now I have learnt things about him that I had never known. I still respect him, but now I can understand why some people are so against him.

I want to know more about my country. Any recommended reads? Before I get sucked in by opinions that may be biased.

Even as I type this, there's a nudge of uneasiness in my heart. Because my intentions may get misunderstood.

Passing thought: Why on the East Coast, there are still so many Bumis in poverty? Based on special rights, help these people more than capable well-earning people. Org Aslis and people of the Borneo... should they be kept as they are to 'preserve' culture? In Borneo, there are still some children who have to do some jungle trekking or river travelling to get some education.


The Clod and the Pebble

Love seeketh not Itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care;
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair.

So sang a little Clod of Clay,
Trodden with the cattle's feet:
But a pebble of the brook,
Warbled out these metres meet.

Love seeketh only Self to please,
To bind another to Its delight:
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite.

-- William Blake

Friday, September 09, 2005

Just a little swipe in the peanut butter jar

On me college's IMac (bloody annoying as can't adjust font, insert images nor links... lousiness). Waiting for lecturer's grand entrance (just kidding, she's quite nice). Surfing around and stumbled across this. Find it highly entertaining. Read on!

==========

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, andyour face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort tobaggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)[Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

=============

Snitched this from Simple Scribbles from a Simple Life @ http://nuttyscribbler.blogspot.com/ Will link it up when I get home. Slept for more than three hours. *congratulates self*

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Muddy Story

I think I may be repeating myself, but I love rain. Especially when you've just snuck comfyly under the covers, a time just for you, and suddenly you hear the small hesitant sounds of *pit! pat!*, and it begins to rise, a crescendo, like a conductor guiding his Nature orchestra, until the loud humming of my air-con is drowned by the somehow comforting repetition 'pitpats' of falling droplets.

Even when I woke, the sky has stopped wailing, but more to sobbing. Usually when I catch the morning bus, at the end of the one-hour ride, my clothes stick to my body; irritatingly clingy. But this morning, it wasn't.

Whoever said a good cry won't bring any good?

I miss running through the 'sky shower' during secondary school; when me and my friends dash to Petronas. Or whenever my school has an annual run thing, the field is like a padi field, with the 'takungan air' and muddy squishy ground. And about 12 times around the field? We also joke that the school gets us as free labour for bajak-ing. After the run, we'd compare our baju sukan, 'arguing' who has created the best design, mostly spots, worthy to walk down the runway (less glamourous name: corridor XD)

Now it's impossible to love something wholly. There are time when I detest it, when I'm carrying my art works and it pours like cats and dogs.

=====

Currently reigning supreme as a Blog-dict (with a T thankyouverymuch). Blog Addict if you still haven't made the connection. Initially wanted to put as Blo-dict but it sounds a wee bit too, well, erm... *scratch that*. Yep, self-declaration. How shameful. Shameful!

When one link leads to another. And another. It's an endless trail of falling dominos. Opinions that bloom over the net really opened my eyes -also cause a slight shift of me eyes' focus point- and introduces a whole bunch of interesting peeps. But cause a lil damage to social life though, haha.

I bet that there are other people out there whose eyes are just glued to the computer screen. Millions (?) of pixels working together to show us words, images, awww, semangat berganding bahu.

...

I'm even giving them personalities.

Next topic.

On LRT today, the train kept braking suddenly and sending the many innocent, sleepy-eyed passengers lurching forward (or backward, depending on where they stand) and a torrent of "Oh, Sorry! Ah, Maaf!" followed. All the way to Plaza Rakyat. Despite slightly bruised elbows, I'm quite amused that after every poorly applied brakes, at least 4 or 5 passengers glared so hard at the driver's door (driver protected behind this door, lol) that I'm quite surprised a burning hole hasn't started sizzling there. The driver should be sent back to train in tricycles. Pun unintended.

=====

Sometimes I get too impulsive. It's like a nerve that never went through the neutrons in my brain to get a chopped and signed permission to proceed, but just do whatever the hell it wants her to do just then. I COULD justify that it's me. Take it or leave it. If you wanted me as someone else, go back in time and alter my DNA, genetics, and perhaps, just perhaps, I'll be perfect for you. But it rarely is. Yet it's within my knowledge that this impulsive decisions may harm. Me or you. But then again many well thought out decisions had failed. I have my fair share of good and bad turnouts.

Funny, I mellowed over the years. Mellow Yellow. *go listen to Oldies*

Just a passing thought: Parents dread the day when their children realizes that they are not perfect.

Laugh if you may. It could be you. Soon.



Truly,
willowhippo

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Simple Things

Been staring at the screen for the whole friggin' day. *vomit* But that's just over-radiated brain, nudged at my vomit neutrons. Still not bored of pc. Don't know how I do it. But I did. Hah.

As a naive young human, had vowed to not to get jaded, to not grow, to be carefree. Keep that child-like heart. Things should be kept simple. Look how simple that promise is. Fast forward a few years, that promise is half-dead and now it's discovered. Nothing seems simple. Like Shrek said, onions. Layers. Layers, before the core.

I still have not say goodbye. Still want her back.

Maybe knowing isn't too good for one's wellbeing.

One step forward, two steps back.

Still am naive. Only it's in a different chapter.

A few more flips to the next, if am unlucky.


Perhaps in the future, this moment will be sorely missed and be blogged about.

This upward curve of the lips isn't the same like before.


Weirdest dream yesterday. Heart keep racing. Dreamt that I was in a room, 2nd storey, with some other teens. Apparently, a massive earthquake struck every single corner of the globe and things weren't looking too rosy. figuratively. literally it is, the streets were decorated with blood. My whole family is dead, and we get letters from other countries with people offering to adopt us. Internet was still available but all blogs I visited have a goodbye-world-kind-of-post, or 'Page Currently Unavailable'. Asking a guy there, he tells that England got a 'direct hit'. I kept crying because my best mate is over there, and there's no way to reach her. Then running downstair, whole family was watching the telly. They turned and said hi! robot-ically. Like a scene from "The Brady's". Then the ceiling. Woke up. Realise my friend is not even in UK yet. Calmed down.

Didn't get up from bed. Dreamed a bit more (own invention this time). madie scratches door. air con drips water. then got lazy sleepy self off bed, turned pc on and then brushed teeth.

'Get a life' store anyone? *holds discount coupon*

Cashier at GL store: (taking coupon) That sad, huh?
Me (through Paper-Bag-With-2Holes): Shhhhhhhh! Not so loud!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

dancing in the moonlight

Hmm. Another post. How unlike my title, aka Ms Procrastination. Actually it still is, because I have loads of assignments now, but end up doing things like blogging, surfing forums and reading books. Wondering why when I'm busy, I start getting little ideas and get more active in other things.

Me mam went off to a Buddhist meet. Not really a meet, but a dancing practice for some meet this weekend. She wanted me to go as well, but as usual, I declined. I felt quite guilty. Wait. My mom dancing? Shit! Should had gone, lol. Anyway, they will be dancing to the song 'Footloose', which is a VERY nice oldies song:

I been working so hard
Keep punching my card
Eight hours, for what?
Oh, tell me what I got
I get this feeling
That time's just holding me down
I'll hit the ceiling
Or else I'll tear up this town
Tonight I gotta cut
(Chorus)
Loose, footloose
Kick off your Sunday shoes
Please, Louise
Pull me offa my knees
Jack, get back
C'mon before we crack
Lose your blues
Everybody cut footloose
You're playing so cool
Obeying every rule
Dig way down in your heart
You're yearning, burning for some
Somebody to tell you
That life ain't passing you by
I'm trying to tell you
It will if you don't even try
You can fly if you'd only cut
(Chorus)
Loose, footloose


Footloose, kick off your Sunday shoes!! Haha, ok, ok. There's something really nice about oldies, I cannot put my finger on it. My heart feels lighter listening to it. In some ways, I could relate to it. Bread (bukan roti ya...), the Eagles, Joni Mitchell, Elvis, the Everly Brothers are among the many that I listen to. There's a whole bunch of oldies in my CD stash, that certain happening friends may choke at.

But I digress.

When I went to PD beach, and felt its serenity, I was thinking that it would be a great place to dance around a campfire, taking in the air and sounds around us and worship Mother Nature. Or the Goddess. A few years back, I got very interested in Pagan paths, more to Wicca, but I'm pretty much eclectic. I still am interested actually. There are several paths down the Pagan road. I forgot the guy's name, but practitioners who follow his path cast their magick in nude.

The idea of casting spells in the outdoors, prefereably in the forest when one is surrounded by the beauty and freshness of nature, when the sun has hidden itself and the full moon in the nude is quite appealing. There's a forest near my area, with hills and all. But then again, the moon might just hurl at the sight of my naked body. And there are packs of wild dogs there that might just die from laughing.

Harhar. Call SPCA then you know.

But not for me, really. I prefer to be fully clothed, thankyouverymuch.

Bide The Wiccan Law Ye Must,
In Perfect Love, In Perfect Trust.
Eight Words The Wiccan Rede Fulfill:
An Ye Harm None, Do As Ye Will.
And Ever Mind The Rule Of Three:
What Ye Send Out, Comes Back To Thee.
Follow This With Mind And Heart,
And Merry Ye Meet, And Merry Ye Part.

Among my life's philosophy. =)

I studied for about a year. Bought Scott Cunningham's 'A Guide for the Solitary Practioner' from Kinokuniya. (Actually my parents paid for it... they seriously had nooooo idea what Wicca is, they saw 'solitary' and thought it's another of my weirdness to be alone) The Wiccan Rede I used to write on my palm because I felt very close to it. Even memorised it (not the full complete one though, which is really long). Got to know other Malaysian Pagans, but not close. Met one though, but lost contact. Not many knew about this. Maybe two. Because I'm a coward. I daren't stand up for what I believed in, because there are shallow minded people out there who think paganism is a cult, something evil. That Pagans sacrifices living beings and have weekly orgies. Go to hell, man. You WISHED! Sometimes it really pisses me off. It's tiring to make people like that to understand, because they are so set in their mind, it's like trying to tell a colour-blind person the difference between yellow and green.

And then there's also this Buddhism that I have followed since I was 8. Its chant had calmed my heart, like meditation, and their activities cheer me up. My mom is quite fervent in it. Because it truly helped her. And I feel like it's betraying a bit, to walk down another path. As well as my mother. I like Buddhism, especially the one I'm in. But I don't really feel a connection to it.

Funnily though, the line of Buddhism I follow, Lotus Sutra / Soka Gakkai, some people regard it as a cult. Also another bullshit statement. I'm in it, I can confirm that there's no brainwashing, no sacrifice, and there's no forced donations. And since it's from Japan, many insult it. One time, I was in the company of these people I visited at their home, who kept insulting Soka Gakkai, because they hate the Japanese, how we are betraying the Chinese by supporting Japanese yada yada bla bla... They went on and on, and I nearly cracked a rib from trying not to laugh, because their kid is wearing Pokemon shirt, their air-cond is Toshiba and their car is Mitsubishi.

Something like that, can't recall whether it was Pokemon or Hello Kitty.

Digressed yet again.

And if I do turn to Paganism, I'll come under fire by my relatives who have already tagged me as some weirdo, black sheep. Who will in turn scold my mother for not teaching me well, although I happen to think my mom's method of raising children is wayyy better than theirs.

Eventually, I stopped. Reading about it, hoping that I could convert. I have forgotten where I had placed my Grimoire, aka Book of Shadows. I still use my tarot decks and incense.

An if ye harm none, do what ye will.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Malaysian... Am I really?

[disclaimer: long, boring and serious post ahead. always have trouble making the posts short and sweet, but my fingers wouldn't stop. post may also offend some people but hopefully not...sorry in advance if I did]

Malaysia is one of the most racist country I know.

Yes, people discriminate, some silently, and some openly. But that's not what I'm talking about. Our political parties are generally divided by race. Read any new housing area advertisements, there's always '*Bumiputra price' or '11% discount for Bumiputras!'. And these are in the newspapers, billboard down the highway, in brochures, you get the idea.

How obvious is that? Foreigners who notice this and understand what it is are already tsk-tsk-ing, but I'm so used to it, I don't consider it unusual.

There's still some things I daren't write, because after 48 years from its setting, it is still a sensitive issue, an issue nearly everyone know about but keeps mum.

I'll admit, even though I dislike hearing people for dissing other races, even though I disagree with blatant categorization without knowing someone truly, I have a little discrimination myself. [Everyone does, one way or another. But that's another blog post.] Especially sometimes there are 'official/legal' unfairness just because the skin colour is different and because of believing in another God or path. May 13th 1969 is over, we mix and talk with other races, we laugh and have fun. But within a group of our own race, the sinister threads are seen.

But to split it in major groups, it's between bumiputras and non-bumiputras.

It's a bit weird bringing this up suddenly, considering Merdeka was just a week ago. What triggered this post? A forum post in Recom.org. The question is 'Will Malaysia reach its 2020 goal?". I disagreed.

Because we are not united. We fulfil our roles but without the whole heart in it.

I am proud to be Malaysian. I'm proud of its peacefulness, that I was fortunate to learn cultures other than my own. I'm happy that I'm allowed to mix with the opposite sex without getting stoned to death. BBQ-ing on a Malaysian beach is damn fun too =P. I'm glad that despite many censorships, Malaysians are generally an open lot. But I can tell you I am not truly a Malaysian and so are many others. They preach, Sini adalah tanah air mu; anda dilahir di sini, dibesarkan di sini. Kamu adalah anak Malaysia! But the thing is, kita tidak dilayan sebagai anak Malaysia sepenuhnya. Yang sepatut. Beritahu saya, patutkah saya benar-benar mencintai tanah air ini, yang dari masa saya dilahirkan, mempunyai polisi 'pilih kasih' dari segi pendidikan dan peluang di kerja?

This is the reason why a lot of talents are leaving the country. At least the professionals, and the government is trying to get them back. Because overseas, even though they are not citizens there, their talent is recognized AND rewarded. Sometimes I wish the government can make up their minds. Make their objective definite. Go through what they promised. Like the whole Malay -> English thing, educational-wise. Changing science subjects into English I mean. It was a half-assed job imho. They have the right dreams, but rarely see it through and well. Right, anyway, back to topic.

I do not have anything against bumiputras. When I talk with them, my first thought isn't 'Bumiputra! Enemy!'. No. A friend is a friend.

Actually this policy, to me, it's not really totally felt. I barely feel the effect, although have experienced it before, however it's not such a biggie to me, but it's most evident in my parents' generation where most of them experienced this policy first hand that really affects them. Even now, the situation is better and opportunities are opened more to non-bumis as well. We live normally. Those who needs help are given help, no matter the colour, etc. In this post, I may have exaggerated a little about the policy. Like said, we accept each other, only occasionally we get that 'tak suka' feeling, lol.

Besides, I don't think the policy is that good. Maybe when it was starting out, yes, because 'immigrants' were monopolizing the economy, and Malays were falling behind. But now it's more stabilized. And too much help isn't good is it? It snuffs out their potential because everything is too easy.

As my friend, who is a Malay, said, "This whole thing somehow lowers our credibility. The things we do with our own effort, and finally reaching the top and people who don't know us think we got there on by shaking our leg, working slow and with silver spoons stuffed in our mouth. Memang frus, you know?" Actually she said that in BM, but it's quite a long time ago, and I can't remember the exact words. But that's the gist.

Someone in that post mentioned that "the 'tongkats' have to be removed from the Bumiputra slowly, but with certain conditions". If the policy had worked, would there be someone declaring that there is a need for 'Towering Malays'? It's definitely achievable. I find many Malays intelligent, they just need that little push. And hands off that tongkat.

Non-Bumis also have 'tongkats'. Here, somehow there's a need to protect our own 'kind'. Welcome to Malaysia.

Why only 'Towering Malays'? People has brought this up before, 'Towering Malaysians'! Maybe one day, 'Towering Humans'? This may sounds like a whimsical thing, but when will the day come when we let down all this differences, accept that we're actually citizens of the World?

When aliens arrive I suppose.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

naked chefs and first world disaster

Sprayed me room about an hour ago. Because the bloody mozzies were making a wedding feast on my limbs (the worse I've gotten is the bottom of toe), and so murder weapon was summoned! Unfortunately sprayed too much, so have to evacuate room. Madie, my silly dog, came into my room while some dozens of mozzies were being murdered, and sat there. Her presence was not known until she started wheezing.

Oh by the way, didn't know if I blogged about this before, but she doesn't sleep with me anymore. I took care of her since she's a month old till 4 months old, but when my college started I put her to my parents' bed to sleep because I didn't want to wake her up so early in the morn when I have to leave for college. I feel a bit jealous because now she's closer to my dad. Milo's the same, but she's my mom's baby. I took care of them during their critical young age, milk feeding, paw washing because she stepped on her own poo (madie - uh she sometimes roll in them too. Eat oso.), training milo to sit/shake hands/beg, and had my share of training them to wee on the newspaper. Also suffered some bumps from tripping over them because they followed me too close. Oh well. Still sayang them. Including Fido, Mr Old Man outside (Old Man inside is my dad i suppose, lol), aka Beautiful Brown Eyes. Fact: All my dogs are brown, since Betsy and Keanny has left us. I still miss them sometimes... Betsy with her Soh-Poh attitude and calm Keanny with her penetrating eyes.
(*Soh-Poh: Stupid woman - Cantonese)

After hauling Madie out of my room and shutting the door to make an aerosol-sauna for the little bloodsuckers, I had to do something not-pc relate while the smell dies down. So I went downstairs and find me mam watching Jamie Oliver, a cook with the claim,stripping cooking down to the basics or smthg. He's quite good and whips up scrumptious-looking & seemingly easy to do dishes. I was aware of him about a year ago, when my colleague in JDH received an attached Microsoft Word file in her mail, titled 'Jamie Oliver : The Naked Chef'. She said it's a cookbook, want it? I said no prob, send it to my mail. Upon opening to my file at home, there's no naked cook in there,
much to my chagrin. Haha, just kidding la. I don't use it... Give to my mam to use. I don't cook, I burn. On the other hand, my mom is an excellent cook and baker. I'm an excellent tester for her food. Now why is his cookbook circulating the net? Because apparently, his publisher sent it to someone when it was still in editting, and that fella forwarded it.
I hope the publisher was only sauté-d and not deep-fried.

I just discovered that on Merdeka Day, all Malaysian blogged in Bahasa Malaysia. Damn, missed it... but then again, it's a blessing in red and white stripes disguise... my BM is absolutely atrocious. If it is exposed here in B/W, I might have my citizenship revoked or something. In high school my BM teacher thought I was from a Chinese school. I nearly failed every karangan exercises. It's still an X-files mystery on how the heck did I get A1 for SPM. I didn't even understand the karangan questions, but I guessed and I hit it. Nearly fainted with joy when Nazatul confirmed it was right. Mwahhahaha, see! Psychic powers are useful after all! (yea yea, psychic powers my ass rite? lol)
But when speaking Malay, er, can say it's better than my Cantonese la.

Currently, am editting some black and white pic on Adobe Photoshop. My Digital Imaging assignment. We're supposed to colour the whole pic, using selection. And my dear lecturer gave us a pic that has those palm tree leaves... so many crooks and crannies. I've done things like this when I was 15 and it is still a bloody tedious job. Very simple. Just really time-consuming.

Whoohoo! My 100th post! I'll celebrate by eating a whollleee pack of Oreos (fat: 30g, XD) all on my own. Yum.

Other than that, my condolences to the Katrina victims in New Orleans. When I first heard of the news, I didn't think much of it, since after all, USA, first world country, they can handle disasters. 4 days laters, I'm comparing it to the tsunami last year. Sufficient help haven't arrived. People are looting everywhere. Babies sleeping on cardboard boxes. Bodies decomposing on the streets. What the heck went wrong? We're talking about the 'Big Brother' country here! They always seem to be butting in one country after another, but this time, why has this internal problem has gotten out of hand? PY told me that it has to do with the poor and some racial issues. The rich managed to evacuate the area, but the poor didn't have the means to do so. And apparently, there are more blacks in that area; and on the news, when they show a black person, "he's looting", when they show white, "he's looking for food". And just found out it's actually photographs; two different photographs and from different photographers though (got this information from Wikipedia). Now they are getting their butts of the ground. And help will arrive... one thing I respect America for is their humane efforts (uh, is it called that?) like homeless shelter, giving free food for the needy, protecting children and so on. I'm sure the people there will do something about it. Hope I'm right.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

beachin' time!

am feeling quite tired these days. usually do not take afternoon naps but lately have resorted to them. it's not my intention really; i'd just get this magical power to doze off with no knowledge and waking up a couple of hours later, singing something like, 'where have all my hours gone? long time sleeping... where have all the hours gone... long long time ago...'(<-- non-oldies enthusiasts will think i woke up after heavy injected sedation in a nuthouse). nah, just kidding... D'OH! who the hell wakes up singing, unless if the person is Mary Poppins or Julie Andrews in 'The Sound of Music'. besides, your breath shalt wilt plants and poison small animals. Well, first thought popping into me mind: "crap. am the last one to eat dinner, have to wash the dishes, damnation..."

but then again, ought to be blamed for my odd sleeping hours. can't help it. i try to sleep early and ends up tossing and turning in my bed for hours, the poor wood supporting my mattress has already been broken once.

the 48th Merdeka day hath passed! on the eve, while people stimulated the pressure faced by sardine fishes in either KLCC, or Bkt Bintang etc, me and my friends went to port dickson beach for a nice little BBQ (i know it adds to the haze prob... gomen nasai!!!). vishul, lean chiew, wai kit, yin san, poh yoke, irene, hui ming, maygala and yen lian. i'm closer to the first two, the rest, they are my high school seniors actually, and they're quite fun as well. at times they are really hilarious.

the beach was pretty much empty and has about less than 20 people on it. but it's a rather big area, and the sand is so smooth for our bare feet and it was the first time i saw a sky dotted with so many pretty stars. think i saw the 'Senduk' but can't be sure. the sound of the waves was just so... uh, zen?

a lot of motorcyclists on the road though. it's a bit freaky actually. have never seen such a huge single group of motorcylists. ah, and many flying our 'Jalur Gemilang'. Quite a number tied the flags around their necks... Keluang man? kidding =P. and kudos to this motorcyclist... my first time seeing this:



i shit you not. a real pity i haven't a camera at that moment. pardon my illus., don't know muchly about motorcycles.

hate to sound unpatriotic, but when the clock struck midnight, and people were yelling 'MERDEKA!' and zooming around on their motorcycles like mad, i was... prodding a chicken drumstick. there was only one display of fireworks.

later on, poh yoke, hui ming and me strolled along a beach, letting the waves wash over our feet. was told that PD beach was horrible and dirty, but the beach wasn't and i suspect maybe they meant the water. but it's dark, and i can't see, so if you don't know, it won't hurt ya. we came across many crab holes, and we saw a floating coconut that freakishly resembles a human head and someone yelled, 'BOO!' behind us. vishul! he crept up behind us and we couldnt see him in the dark! LOL. of course we jumped! i think we screamed too, lol. he ran away laughing like mad, and poh yoke vowed to get some water on him.

we played pepsi-cola. a childhood game of which it's main purpose is to try and step on the person's feet next to you, and that person can try to avoid being stepped on, but each can jump only once. if you miss, the victim turns into prey, aiming for the next person's feet. or if you manage to step on your 'victim's' feet, he/she/it will be eliminated and u get another jump. and on it goes until one person is left. now, lean chiew, aka hobbit, may seem small, but he jumps like a rabbit with flubber on his paws. he took one after another out with no mercy. lol.

another group of teens arrived shortly after we did. also bbq but they also set up two tents and brought a guitar. in the darkness of the night, they lighted up colourful tanglungs. beautiful.

my first time doing something like this... had a great time. however, was in the van from 7.30-11.30pm and then 2.00-5.00am. since that day, i can't sit in one place for too long or my butt hurts. ouch.