Friday, December 30, 2005

Ode to Gemukness

This new hobby of mine is tagged "Kacau gemuk saya."
Hehe, I wonder if I'm like, Super Thin, will it change to "Oi, Jangan kacau tulangku~~~!" *goes off to elbow people with cheekbones and jump into unsuspecting laps* eh, the latter hurts weh! No joke!!!

But like I'll ever be reduced to bones anyway. Softness is nice. Uh, in moderation? Hmm, should be cushion-y.

It's just so wobb-able. Like Jell-O in mock drama suspension. Mmm... Matrix?!? "Hello Mr Smith... *wobble*" Somewhat disgusting but highly fascinating at the same time. I think I can calculate the getaran and speed by using forgotten Physics knowledge. Eeee, fatness!

I've been surfing the net a lot lately, since mid Sem 3, because the lessons were sleep-inducing and I had a PC with internet in front of me, so... kaching!! Am pretty familiar with Photoshop anyway (cover those pimples, YESH!!!). Perhaps I sound arrogant, but shit, this is gonna catch up to me soon; my classmates will soon be better than me in the term of photoshop skills (TT.TT). My almost-forgotten assignments flailed under obvious neglection, until the final weeks where I rushed so many things and encountered problems that nearly made me cry.

Again, I digress.
As the net exposes me little random projects by, I grow smaller.
Then I realise, despite what I think, assume or pretend... I am just a stupid little girl.
Mentally. If only I could be little in size... *smashes weighing machine*

I ponder about this before, and I'm still in awe of the largeness out there. The feeling of a single dust in a packed room. How am I to make a difference?

Like when I finished reading The God Of Small Things by Arundhati Roy (courtesy of Mun Ling). My verdict? Excellent. In fact, more than Excellent. It's Better-Beyond-Words. I haven't cried so much over a book in my life. I cried towards the end. I reread a few parts in the beginning, and with the knowledge of what happened, I cried again. I filled buckets with my tears alone! Scattered jigsaw pieces that come together in the end; a big bang! A build up of circumstances. This book is a heartjerker, be warned.
(Spoiler: Baby Kochamma is a fucking bitch! I want to kick her big fat selfish brown ass! GRAHHHHH!)

I'm not a writer of books nor a composer of songs, as much as I'd like to be. All I am capable of doing is to read them, and laugh, cry, rage. I had stopped writing fiction ages ago andmy skill is rusted beyond belief. Oh, I've also just finished White Oleander by Janet Fitch. While I was reading on my bed, my new pup Mocha was sleeping next to me and kept farting silent bombs. I'm like *swt* - move self and doggie to the floor-. Now the word 'Oleander' will forever be associated with the memory of Mocha's fart. The book's very good by the way... I'm somehow inclined to writings about mother and daughter relationship. Also it's in Oprah Book Club! Right. Digressed again.

Or for songs, I allow them to seep into my heart, the words the melodies, the subtle undertones of the bass. The wailing of the versatile electric guitar. Appreciate them. Sing praises about them. Some songs can just knock the blood out of my head; blood pooling in my heart and the pumping gets more intense. Then I'd feel goosebumps trickle up my arms, itching it. That's all I'm capable of doing. An itch that never produces something worthwhile.

It's kind of depressing in a way, because I want to be on that other side. The one behind the camera. The one wielding the pen. Sometimes I wish I could see things the way they do; that my perspective is but a dulled knife.

Oh what the heck, not everyone comes out from the same mold right? What is yours is yours; mine is my own.

I'll just go back to wobbling my thighs.

Gianne's Gemuk: Hoi!!!

{Random Brain Wave: I like reinventing my outer look, but it always fails. I mean, I have people who haven't seen me in YEARS (eg: 11 years) and the first thing they'd say is, "Omigod, Gianne... You look the same!!! Still chubby~~" *squeeze squeeze* (<<--- UH!!! my cheeks okay, not elsewhere... Eee, hentainess! XD)}

1 comment:

gianne said...

from blog-city:

1. Jean left...
Friday, 30 December 2005 3:00 pm :: http://defyshadows.blogspo.com

yeah, i just finished the God of Small Things a few months ago. It's a good book.


2. GenieOnTheLoose left...
Monday, 2 January 2006 9:44 pm

a few of my friends who read it don't like it at first... because it keeps jumping from past to present and those who aren't Indian may have a little trouble at first with understanding some parts of it.

But I presevered and it paid off... a gem of a book!