Tuesday, February 28, 2006


Because your personal sky is raining madly, turning the volume on your headphones up becomes strangely satisfying; a refuge.

Last drops from the once-heavy clouds milked and squeezed.

I hope you mind not the flood.

Can I fix it new again, or will it forever be broken?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Oy smurf!

I like my webcam.

And contorting my face. Eh, isn't that why we have facial muscles??
(oh man, the first is sooo blackmail material hahah)

Oh, notice me hair?

[captured in the morning light more than a week ago!]

[in college lab, Kez's camera; ignore my panda bags]

While couples were whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears on Valentine's Day... I 'burnt' my hair and dyed it blue. Well, partially since I don't want to be locked outta me house by me ma.

I've ALWAYS wanted to do my hair in blue... since I was 15! *does the hamster dance*

The bleaching process is a bit smelly, and I bet my hair is cursing me for the third degree burn I'm causing it XD. Initially when the hairdressers washed the excess dye off my hair, the expression on my face is like, WTF, there's no colour? I tried to suppress it, but my expression don't lie, mate! The girl noticed it and said oh, you can't see it when it's wet now, wait until dry first... it'll look really nice in the sun. Actually, it was a little dark for my taste (what's the point of highlighting your hair blue if ye can't see it!) but you can totally see it in the sunlight. And not to mention, it WILL fade. In fact the first day I was sweating blue... thank god I'm at home le! They did warn me though... some people will fade to light blue, some to green... and mine?

Purple and pink!! It's pretty enough for me! *goes preen* =P. I didn't expect that, really. I was quite looking forward for green hair, haha!

Next time, if I have the money, I want to do my whole head in pink. And I'll bring my house keys along in case my mom tried to lock me out hahah, tak guna punya anak ini!!!

I've also gotten a new haircut, but it was the day before, and I'm supposed to style it with hard wax. Did that for the first two days, but IT WOULDN'T STAY UP~~!!! GRAHHHH!!! *gives up* It makes my head look oily too =(. maybe I should had really gotten that spray.

Man, I'm becoming so vain... dya suppose materialistic?

Dreams that shake me

My toilet's light is broken. Actually for a few days now, so it has be a very 'romantic' shower with candles.
Yes yes, i know i should bathe in the morning, but I like bathing very late at night or in the wee hours of the morning (wee hours meaning, 4 am, because I'm not asleep yet. Like now.). And YES I know, doctors are already scheduling my future appointments for rheumatism. Ouh, aching bones.

Okay, it's not that romantic, it's on borderline creepy because my imagination would start whispering scary shit, and it doesn't help that one time in my room, there was no one around and I heard a sigh, and then just the other day my bro tells me that he heard someone breathing heavily in my room. Bloody! I do NOT, I repeat, do NOT need to hear that!!
Ya, it blinks, my toilet light does if you turn it on.

Weirdly though, my 'shaking' dreams stopped. I kinda miss it even though it's seriously scary in its silent way. Until today I do not know whether it means something or not; whether it's just my imagination, past life, someone on the other side trying to tell me something... All I have in my hands now are afterimages... no more collective toddlers crying, no more screaming, and even the singing lady-voice who appeared once and never heard of again. No more blond lady pointing and her cabin. How I couldn't wake up from it unless i forcefully move my body. . I guess the scariest one was when I was moving upwards in a pitch black place to a doorway of light; I couldn't stop and I keep saying it's not my time yet, it's not my time yet, and the worst thing was the first time in my 'shaking' dreams history, I couldn't wake myself up. Until i was a few metres away from the door, something, no not a voice, nor a sign, I don't what it is, but it says, it's not her time. Then I wake.

Once in a while, I'd feel guilty that I wasn't brave enough to explore the cabin the blond lady was pointing to, even though I had that dream for 4 years. Maybe there IS something inside, a fact needed be told, but I'm too chicken. It'll take some long explanation about what it is, and what I've dreamt, so I won't bore you with it (if I haven't bored you yet that is =P)

I guess it's because of my 'shaking' dreams, I got interested in parapsychology, the paranormal, spirits... basically what a human is capable of, unconsciously. Being connected to an untangible force. And lucid dreams; dreaming of being in the rain and actually feeling the raindrops on your face, running your palm on the corduroy couch and your fingers feel the ridges...

I do not believe in a Sumerian death; where after death, you could only look forward to a dark place with nothing but dusts as your companions. I believe in roads, long ones, with its own adventures and it's really a big U-turn back to Earth.

Another option is maybe I should just stay here and haunt people for fun or something.

Or something.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

College starts and a pin tai dog

And so college started again, semester 4, another one and a half year to go before I'll be kicked out into a new world with no schedules for me to follow and where it'll be me and only me who does the scheduling... Why time passed ever so slowly when I'm young, but now time is like a bullet train in a hurry?

Hmmm... this semester's timetable isn't too generous on the day offs... last sem we had two days off, and now, it's a MAYBE one day off =\. First day, Digital Animation 2 and Complimentary Studies 2. By Mr Loo and Mr Foo.


Eh, read the previous sentence la.

As always, first day you'll always feel lethargic and sleepy, especially after lunch... So went into a bloody cold class, where the lect, Eugene Foo, told us about what we're expected to do, that we'll basically be doing motion graphics and showed us some samples of what he means. Of course at our level he won't expect something as if taken out from a Nokia advertisement... maybe later. Anyway, eyelids heavy like lead, then he showed us his own work.

Wahlau eh, terus bangun! Friggin' nice! Pavements morphing into a huge snake, buildings tumbling down forming wings, traffic lights extended necks turning into a three-headed giraffe... simply, wow wow WOW! I love the atmosphere; it's a bit old, rustic and the way he played with the colours... I was so awake. Then I remembered his name in newspapers, winning awards and such. And now I can see why =P

Now the next day! For the last sem, TJ gave me and Kez a ride to coll, while Seiji would drop us at the Bukit Jalil LRT... But this time Kez's driving, hoho, and this licenseless hippo happily tumpang a ride XD. Good god, I need to stop depending on people.

Speaking of Seiji, Seiji's 21st bday was on that day. We had an afternoon class on Tuesday, a Mr Ike. And the funniest thing was when he went, "Okay, class, this whole class we're going to study about flash!! As in Macromedia flash, and if you want to learn about the OTHER flashing, learn it outside the class please~~!"
Me and Kez glanced at each other and tried not to laugh (you'll see why). The lect was pretty open-minded I guess... the samples he showed us has some... 18sx elements XD but not too much, no worries. And he seems to like blindless violence in flash movies... I found it amusing initially, but it gets kinda boring.

Once class was over, we got Seiji into an empty class to open his pressie.

Well. I gotta warn you, it's not work safe =D.

And it is?

Seiji unwrapping his present.... (born in the year of a cow, hence the cow pressie paper and milk carton style wrapping)

(good god, how many dots it takes for a surprise revealing???)


First, you clap. then.... it barks! It flashes! It yodels!

(and it's rather vulgar because the... *ahem* actually throbs)

We were hoping that he hasn't seen it before, unfortunately he had, but he's still surprised because he'd never think he'd own it someday =D. We still had good fun, all of us laughed like mad!

Me and Kez risked our good innocent little girls reputation (haha) to buy it, and some guy who saw us buying it said loudly within Kez's earshot, "These two girls pin tai wan..." TT.TT *pretend to have really thick skin* Yaya, then why are you here, since this is a pin tai shop XD (No, it wasn't those condom shops, really!! Just a really really cool store)

Kez brought her camera to 'capture the moment', ahaks. There's even a video .... hahha, rele nothing better to do!

Meh. Lazy to type. Here's the pics.

Pose, Seiji, pose!

Oh ya, the thing about our college's comp labs is that the people passing by outside could see inside the class, via a huge glass window....

and this was the part a girl passed by outside
& saw Seiji beaming holding a flashing dog. XDXDXD
Seiji: *glance* OMG SHE SAW!!!

Siapa lebih panjang.. JK! Seiji examining the dog =P

Eeek! Flasher! - from left: me, Seiji, William
(See see!!! That's the window!
This time we're smarter... pose AWAY from the window XD)

gianne: the Loscar goes to... Seiji-san! Here, have a pin tai dog!!
seiji : *sob sob* thank you, thank you, I would like to thank my mother, my father etc etc
william: ... WHAT??? I lost to Seiji?!? =(((

Expression: priceless. Kez's going OMG, can't believe we bought this

Fine, fine, I'll pose with the dog

Okay. Then do you see those pictures on the wall? Well, let's just say the dog had two photoshoots with two pics and let's leave it at that =P. Anyway, Seiji's blog link is on the right, so if you ever want to wish him a belated, go ahead =D.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

the sweetest things in life

waking up and finding all your dogs sleeping peacefully near you, one with her head on your lap

running through a huge field with no telephone wires, houses or any technology nearby; skipping, turning, dancing and finally collapsing to the ground, running your fingers through the grass, like hair that breathes.

watching the clouds move languidly through the blue sky, sometimes forming something familiar; a teddy bear, hamburger, dragon, cat...

upset & crying on the bench and you didn't have the words so you sat with your back against mine, and we didn't say anything. the warmness made me want to cry even more

being hugged tightly

standing under the shower for a long long time, pretending you're training under a waterfall; zen and all that, and after a while, someone's knocking the door saying hurry up, they need to bloody pee

what's yours?

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Lu lala lu lala lu la lu la le (girl scout song XD)

I've got some backlog blog entries saved in my trusty notepad because I have a tendency to do stupid things like closing the window when I'm halfway typing it 'live' on mah blog... But one glance at the pent-up writings, I went, "BLAH" and deleted the whole lot.

Why am I so long winded, bleurgh. OH short summary next time, but am prolly lying big time on the 'short' part =D!

There's chocolate ice cream cones downstairs and i'm so tempted. Ate too many sweet + jelly (YUM~!), and I fear diabetes.

And, now I bring you... mah JOHARI WINDOW! Seriously what do you think of me anyway?

*cross fingers, hope you'll tell*

And of course, we must strike the balance between good and evil *nods head*! Therefore, introducing... NOHARI WINDOW! (dont worry, just fill this out, i swear i won't bite you)

[note to self: this is mah 152th blog entry, 15.6K hits since 02 April '03 (wah, my 3rd year blogging weh!). sorry for this, just wanted to reset my hits counter]

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Innie Meenie...

Fickleness, indecisiveness... the jumping from boat to boat, and sometimes with feet in different boats. a balance hard to maintain, and it's something i can't blame on my ear.

the inability to stay still on a single spot. i do not know how to devote my life to one or two passions, because they sizzle out time to time.spending a lot of time on a painting but then gets distracted and the stray brush in her hands ruins the whole painting.

must i concentrate on just one interest? because i'm just so in love with a lot of things, things that want to taste at least once in my life, and if it's really good, i'd stay until 3/4 of the full meal course, then something else, a tantilizing smell wafts by, and i'd follow it immediately, with a fork in my hand still holding a piece of my current meal.

often i look at the things i've achieved in life. not really 'achieved' because i've never truly complete any of them. whatever effort i put in its growth is then stunted by my own fickleness. the way i present myself, the way my work turns out, there's a sense of uncompleteness to it; an undone seam.

that string dangles behind the back of my shirt, and remains unnoticed until the day i reflect myself in the mirror, and i see it in dismay, what others noticed and i had not.

i feel so helpless at times like these, because no matter how i try, i don't think i'm ever good enough for myself,

Friday, February 03, 2006

Skating on thick ice?

I'm having a good download week... Seeders, I love jooOOooOoOo!!! YESH! Oh yes, my darling pc, you good too hehehe

Oh oh, went to Sunway Pyramid with me cousin, Karene for ice skating because we were bloody bored; me rotting at home and she, boiling in cyberjaya. There's only that many of anime and series-watching on pc that we can take before going cuckoo. Or at least sometimes being stuck at one place makes me feel like hurling.

Hurl contents will be beef or lamb chop. Because me ma had this meat-carnivore spree and bought loads of beef, lamb chops and foot long sausages. Beef fat is yummy. Gianne fat is horrible. Bleaurgh. I'm starting to get sick of it really, but recently we had to toss a lot of frozen food out as it's giving off funny smells. So yea.... don't waste right? I'll starve in the future, so I better repent.

Hmmm, I'm trying to remember which sadistic person who told me when I was a wee kid to finish all your food... think of all the starving children in Africa! If I don't finish every single damn rice, I've somehow sinned to these poor children? I mean, come on, why think of starving children? Here I am stuffing myself silly till my plate is sparkling clean while they're suffering from malnutrition and what-not. Am I supposed to feel superior? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to give me smaller portions and encourage me to help these children in the future?

They never did.

Right. The ice skating thing. That night I didn't sleep at all... Tossed and turned for a few hours, and frankly I don't see the point So, might as well get up, go dilly dally and fry myself a couple of eggs for breakfast.

I was too early to meet me cuzzie at Plaza Rakyat, so I stopped at an interchange station and went the other way to waste time XD. Felt dizzy and sleepy at some point, but I amused myself by watching other passengers (if you're one of them, I'm that girl who keep stealing glances at you, then promptly looking away, forming really stupid stories in her head, and your co-stars are the others in the same tram.)

So anyway, me and Kilik (yes, I call her Kilik because... Kilik has a nice sound to it =D. Besides, it irritates the hell out of her XD) finally met up at Plaza Rakyat and onto the bus.

I'm trying to figure out why 3/4 times that I took a bus to Sunway the bus is SLOW. You could see all the packciks and makciks and grandmas and grandpas, and even a beaten up Toyoto Corolla, passing the bus leisurely. Slow and steady, yes I know, but I kinda miss the hell drivers of Metrobus... although I do recall in secondary that this driver took a REAL sharp turn (practically 90 degrees! And it's only the first of the many future turns TT.TT), and I'm one of the standing sardines (barely grasping the high bar's rubber-handles) and we'd get hurled towards random stinking armpits (which by the force of my school shoes I manage to avoid touching; thank you BATA!!!)

Again, I swerved my brain cells to a stop in one of the many rooms of mah thinking noodles. So we arrived at Sunway and we stood upstairs watching the pro skaters twirling like tops in the center of the ring and ... only ONE amateur there. No prize for guessing who ain't in the ice-skating class, they are the ones clinging to the side as if their lives depend on it. Now, I've graduated from that, and I can skate quite fast (98% without falling) but have yet to learn to brake without suffering from the law of physics (inersia) and fly-land on my face.

Falling on ice really hurts, and I was watching the wannabe-pro skaters in their nice skimpy outfit, and I winced at the thought of them falling and scrapping their bare legs and arms. OUCH. Oh oh, there was this really cute guy at the ring, one of the good skaters. Kilik dragged me off before I start drooling salive onto the rink (rink-cleaning wasn't until an hour later), and so we started skating.

As usual, the rented skates felt ill-fitted, but I got used to it without spraining my ankle.

Towards lunchtime, more people came in, but it's not that many... Weekday la!

Cute guy helped this huge Arab-looking fella, first timer, by holding his arm and guided him. Around the rink. At least 3 times!!! Kilik said Damn, you should had faked it from the beginning. Why don't you start now? Dotdotdotdotdot.... that's like 2 hours of racing with her, and then suddenly I don't know how to skate??? And I go Siau ah?? That's what he's gonna think of me, I have my dignity you know *huff huff puff* and promptly almost fell over a nick in the ice. ALMOST!

Things like these always happen to me. I must have been bad in my past life, and receiving the spankings now =/.

There was this Japanese family who came in, although only the father and son skated. There's another little boy as well, who stayed outside with his mom, snapping pictures of his bro. It's frigging adorable. I mean, the kid is only like 2 years old and he's clutching a camera, following his dad and bro's progress, snapping away happily!

Later, another family came in, consists of parents and son (around 5-ish years old?). At first step into the rink, the kid fell.

Since she was nearby, Karene hoisted him up, as his mom was looking rather wobbly as well (though visibly less wobbly than her offspring). Within 5 seconds,
*KE-DE-BAP!*!! Stars and dizzy birds circling his head! (<< imagined) He got up again. And again and again and again. The poor kid was helping fellow skaters, as in he dried the skating rink with his clothes, and if that's not clear enough, it means he's drenched.

Lucky it's pretty empty that day, or else he'd be a hockey puck.

We'd help him up if we happen to pass by when he falls, but he's pretty much learning to stand up on his own. He's adamant to learn to skate. Give take two hours later, he's skating normally. I mean, he just started falling lesser as time passed, like from 15fpm to 2fpm (fall per minute).

Now here's a different story: After the boy, we encountered two girls at the entrance of the rink... with their laces loose. I mean, it's meant to be tight la, which we pointed out to them.

Girl 1 : Er... Can help us tie our laces ah?
Me & Kilik: No prob!


It's pretty hard to squat down with my skates one though, but I managed. They needed help to skate too, so we did. Kilik's better at this though, for her years in volleyball training (proper coach!) and training up the juniors.

Girl 1, Kilik's 'student', in the end she managed to walk in them skates. Girl 2 which I helped basically went out five meters from the entrance, a large number of minutes where she was stagnant, and then return back out. She only NEARLY fell in the beginning, which it's pretty normal, but after that she got absolutely terrified of falling. I felt kinda bad because I thought my help her made it worse, so I told her (who was clutching the rink-sides) that try to balance on her feet first, and she told me to go on first while she try. When I got back she barely moved and on forth, refused help, from me or my cousin, even though she wanted to get the hell out of the rink. So Kilik and me went on normally, and stopping once in a while to ask if she's alright.

As for helping, I'm a bit of a split. Is a helping hand needed? Some people would feel bad if you're helping them... or do they even WANT you to help them? Or if you keep helping a person everytime they fall, wouldn't it hinder their progress? I'm not only talking in ice skating context, but in life as well. And of course, this post is as long as it is, so that's another blog entry =).

Like in the case of the little boy, when he falls, I hang around a bit. If he can't get up, I'll help. But if he gets up on his own, off skating I go. Like in the case of the 'stranded' girl, after two declines from her, I didn't offer any help but instead just drop by just to chit chat with her (of all the things, I forgot the name part) and off I go again. If I keep offering help and she keep refusing, it'll get uncomfortable for both of us, won't it? And I'm not exactly the smoothest talker around, and uncomfortable situations in my hand ends quite disastrously. =(

Reminds me of kind aunties who used to offer me biscuits and snacks when visiting them, and I used to always decline politely... but as years passed, I realised that it's politer to accept what they offer. Truth be told, many things that normal people know, I do not.

I'm a slow learner, cannot ah? It's not as though I like having that trait, it's just harder to fix than physical features where there's plastic surgery and what not.

And another thing to think about... Pride. Yes, one of the seven deadly sins. Take a look at the little boy and the girl in her late teens. The kid didn't give a flying poo of the people watching, and wasn't allergic to embarassing himself. The payoff? Something new that he could do. Another check on your life's resume! Of course, fearlessness has something to do with it too. I often connect Pride to Fear though. That's what it leads to, doesn't it? In the past few years, I've taken some steps out of my comfort zone, and past the initial awkwardness, I'm so friggin' glad I did. I'm not truthful if I were to claim I don't have pride. In fact, I missed out on many chocolates of life just because I was afraid of what people would think of me if I were to do this or that. Afraid to embarass myself.(<< although I do this often without realising it... embarassing myself that is XD). Now, approaching twenty, this knowledge hits me like a swinging boulder. Because of pride, I was afraid to fail, forever circling a limited radius. And looking up to find vultures waiting for me to die so they could pick me right down to my boring bones.

Hey kid, you enlightened me, you know that? Despite being soaked to the bone. And really short XD