Saturday, February 18, 2006

Innie Meenie...

Fickleness, indecisiveness... the jumping from boat to boat, and sometimes with feet in different boats. a balance hard to maintain, and it's something i can't blame on my ear.

the inability to stay still on a single spot. i do not know how to devote my life to one or two passions, because they sizzle out time to time.spending a lot of time on a painting but then gets distracted and the stray brush in her hands ruins the whole painting.

must i concentrate on just one interest? because i'm just so in love with a lot of things, things that want to taste at least once in my life, and if it's really good, i'd stay until 3/4 of the full meal course, then something else, a tantilizing smell wafts by, and i'd follow it immediately, with a fork in my hand still holding a piece of my current meal.

often i look at the things i've achieved in life. not really 'achieved' because i've never truly complete any of them. whatever effort i put in its growth is then stunted by my own fickleness. the way i present myself, the way my work turns out, there's a sense of uncompleteness to it; an undone seam.

that string dangles behind the back of my shirt, and remains unnoticed until the day i reflect myself in the mirror, and i see it in dismay, what others noticed and i had not.

i feel so helpless at times like these, because no matter how i try, i don't think i'm ever good enough for myself,

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