Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Well-trodden depths

(Written weeks back)
 
How do you handle a place, a task that is familiar and yet unfamiliar?

The same rules do not apply. The rules that I've learnt so diligently in the past has been pulled out from under me. From the ground my eyes sweeps my situation and realised that everything from the ceiling, walls and furnitures had turned against me, by undulating furiously before my eyes... rendering confusion. I could barely make out the patterns and swirls of the new carpet. Again, am reduced to fumbling, stumbling and the general feeling of ineptness as a person.

Honestly, I don't think I'm handling it well. Patience, I've been told, when one day the uncertainty, tiredness, hunger and loneliness came to a full stop with me in the blues. Stop beating yourself up. It's not only bad, but also masochist-like. It's funny that only a month ago I told this very same thing to a friend, to not beat herself up. Yet here I am, down in my personal well-trodden depths. -waves -
 

As I type all of these, I'm still watching, behind the glass. It's thinning slowly and my heart still stops whenever I think I made a blooper.

As I type all of these, I can't help but be thinking... dude, I'm supposed to be cooler when I'm working wtf!!

Dammit.

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