A peaceful pond waiting for something; a fallen leaf, a stray pebble, a dehydrated frog... anything to disturb the stillness.
Fresh oxygen into the water. Maybe these bubbles could revive a dead person from the bottom of the pond. Maybe she'll float to the surface and regain life again.
It does cross my mind; questions of where did that spunky free-spirited girl disappeared to... and whether am I still passionately in love with life. Where is the girl who could come up with witty replies and garner a round of laughs? The easily excited one. Why am I so cautious now? Weren't you ever in a situation that makes you feel like you're walking on a mine field?
My friend tells me to get rid of my underlying anger. What anger, I ask. I don't have any. But even he could see past my sugar coated words. Is it really anger, or is it fear? Is it a defense of something I could not really comprehend?
Does life experience really change you? I'm only 21; I've only had a thin slice of that cake. Why do I feel as though I'm already half-full with sadness?
Part of me want to restore that spirit. Part of me tells me that it's the process of growing up. Repair yourself or don't look back. How torn can I be?
Now I'm more quiet. I look at people and think. I laugh at my colleague's hilarious antics but I do not join in.
Despite the forlorn-like words above, I didn't feel sad on the eve of my birthday. Which is so rare. Such is that strange calmness and contentment of the big 21. Maybe I'm just accepting the fact that I can never reach the level I want to... that I should be content with being ordinary. A simple girl who is just trying to be be more than what she can be.
And that is okay.