Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Ramblings @ 2am-ish

..... for absolutely no reason at all, here's me starring as a camharlot;



that's pants, not underwear okay.

and for fun, this is me after a 40 minutes jog:


... i wasn't called tomato in high school for nothing wtf

the end of camharlotness.
==========================

fuckage.

i'm sick again.

my nose is currently crying buckets. of mucus. wtf. (speaking of crying buckets, one time i had eyeliner on when i cried. i was emptying my woes to my cousin, and then i glanced at the mirror and burst out laughing because i look so damn ugly okay wtf, i don't know how my cousin could stand looking at me like that wtf)

left work at 5pm sharp, reached home at nearly 6pm and promptly did a superman thing of getting outta my workclothes and into my comfy wear, then crashing onto my bed; occasionally waking up to talk to my cousin (sleepy ramblings) or to check the time (only to decide, "screw it. i'm gonna sleep more." -ZZzzzzzz-)

so, here am I awake at the lovely hour of 2.40am, fresh after a cold shower, eating my porridge, and still debating as to whether I should take the drowsy flu pill or not. to take or not to take; that's the very-used hamlet quote of recent centuries (i bet shakespeare is somewhere out there, vomiting every time someone utters, "to... or not to...." as he laments, why oh why i created such a phrase!).

the risk is waking up very late for work or actually waking up on time and looking very drugged when i go for my morning class.

actually i could had gone home earlier from work. if i weren't such a dumbass ;______;, after visiting the clinic and not getting an mc, i was still hanging around my office when my superior bumped into me and say, "eh? why are you not going home?"

me: i didn't get an mc.
him: why aren't you at home?

much much later, the same scenario repeats itself... only THIS time he added, "when i said that, i'm giving you permission to go home la."

.............. celaka!!!

i fail. massively.

;_____;

(think i'll take the pill anyway. and sleep. omg druggie at work in 4 hours!)

Sunday, April 13, 2008

People who matter

You know what I do when I have cloudy rumbling thoughts and someone to forget?

Let's just say that there's nothing like a good run to bounce them away into the dust.

Felix tells me that the whole idea of running to feel better sounds like eating... only more strenuous and less fun. So why the sweat galore, the aching muscles and a face red enough to explode (and scare random people on the road...)? Simple. My logic is this; sure, eating makes you feel good... but then, after, you'd start feeling guilty and fat because it's sort of like punishing yourself to the realms of gemukness. It's like taking one step forward, then falling backwards.

Now, RUNNING, especially when you're not stuck in a gym but right out there, I get this feeling that there's more to life than whatever problems I'm facing.... and that sometimes I get too stuffed up in the my little problem cloud, choking, and that all I need is many many dosage of fresh air. Be myself again... and not be clouded by one's desire to be liked.

Plus, you'd feel fit and healthy and shit.

Small talk: While jogging, I was thinking about God; how I believe in their existence and yet I pledge my allegiance to none. How some people needed God and how some doesn't. How some people needed God to watch over them in order to do good deeds... well, in an idealistic world, everyone would do good, regardless of who is watching (God, Ceiling Cat etc), but it doesn't work that way because not everyone is born good and these bunch has to AIM to be good, so religion isn't all that bad. Like Christianity, they have a part of Jesus in their spirit, and they try to be good and noble like him in moments of conflict and distress... WWJD.


One thing good out of having an emo week is that you find out that your friends are more amazing than they already are. I have people in my life who tells me that I'm not feminine enough, not mature enough, not normal enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not worthy enough... then there's my friends who tells me that they are precisely my friends because I'm me. Because of my virtues and because of my flaws. Chris saw me at my workplace the other day and he noticed me all made up and shit, and all he told me this:

"What's up with the make-up wtf?"
"The hell? I thought I looked nice. My colleagues think it looks nice."
"It's not you la... just be you."

At the end of the day, the ones who do matter are my friends. The ones who will still love me with or without make-up (literal and metaphorical). As for the people who keeps reminding me that I'm not up to their standards? Here's a personal loving message to you;

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES


----------------------
Was talking to hobbit yesterday; it sort of sucks when you really admire someone? And precisely because of that, you act like a total doofus in front of them. And the cure? ML said the best thing ever; don't ever be afraid of them; whatever it is, to lose them, to fail in their favour... because the moment you feel that fear, things tend to screw up more?

That's pure truth right there, people. So far, it feels fucking good.

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My colleague, CS, was telling me one day that his teaching schedule is really packed and I pointed out that his Wednesday and Thursday mornings are free. Then he goes;

CS: Oh, those days are taken up by cross-stitching.

Okay, his dude is totally like a guy-guy; watches football, business-like and all that, so it's pretty hard to imagine him cross-stitching happily. And the thing is, I didn't want to react in a discriminatory way because maybe it's his secret hobby wtf and he confided in me. So, even though I was taken back, I didn't show it, I mean, I accept your secret hobby la wtf, and I go;

Me: Oh okay... why not knitting?
CS: Huh?
Me: You do cross-stitching, but not knitting? Prejudice ga?
CS: I meant, cross-TEACHING.
Me: Huh? Ohhhhhh! -start laughing-
CS: -head desk-

What can I say; I'm a very accepting person wtf...