Here's the thing; I never skipped breakfast, unless if I:
1) am held at gunpoint wtf, or,
2) had no choice.
I sleep late, but never to the point of not wanting to sleep at all. It's odd... This feeling of detachment from my body. I can't explain it; it's like I know it has to eat. I know chocolate bars are no substitute for a decent lunch/dinner. I know it has to get some decent sleep, less I'd be a walking zombie. And I'm just not fulfulling that.
Shit happens. I may be a pretty happy person, but there's always the other side, right? Like this sadness inside that I tried to unseat and fail. Maybe Sadness only had 1/4 of its buttocks on it initially, and it has sneakily inched Happiness off the chair. Happiness says, "Oi...Get off my seat," and Sadness goes, "Make me, bitch."
Eject button just failed on me too, so that sucks.
I'm floating away even more. When I reach out to to grab hold on something, for something firmly stuck on the ground so I could feel safe... I capture little wisps in my palms but when I open them, it has evaporated or it's different. I'm chasing little ever changing wisps of other people, and they are flying all over and I'm... bewildered. It's not even my problem in the first place, but it's the cobweb effect and I'm stuck on its sticky strings.
And then I call out for my friends, because for all the doubts I have, they are the ones where I don't. There's me trying to point out who, what, how, why on the intangible uncertainty; in some ways, hoping they could piece everything together for me. Obviously, they can't do that accurately, but I still get annoyed when that happened... I apologise for all the random callings/text messages. You know who you are.
The interesting thing about being tossed like a salad in problem sauce is that you realise how vulnerable you are. You'd think you'd handle it differently, or at least, more heroic-like, but then you get disappointed with yourself. You discover how similar you are with the rest of the world.
And with that, oh man, I'm SO typical. Like, I'm going through the textbook reactions of a depressed (?) female.
Ate expensive good food? Check.
New different hairstyle? Check.
Dyed hair? Check.
Indulging in retail therapy? Check.
Courtesy of Charl's aunt, Irene, who did an amazing job that made someone like ME look good wtf.
I know it's hopeless, whatever wound there is not necessarily healed, but I sure as heck feel happier. What I didn't know though, was that my mom would be sending me on a massive guilt trip about how I'm spending my money. It's like taking a step forward, and then being tossed through the air a thousand steps back. Power of mom's words. orz..
I just feel like there's an swish-swashing ocean in me, and it's the kind of ocean that you can't piss it out wan wtf.
Here's to wishing that things are certain. It's like traveling on public transport in Singapore; you just know that the trains arrive every 6 minutes. You can go through your daily life without worrying about little details.
Life is like a plate of rojak; I've just bitten down on a very sour fruit where the taste lingers like the lingering smell of a D24 durian wtf.