Sunday, July 17, 2011

old friend

She has a way with words and said it so much better than I could ever have. (From 'The Compulsive Confessor'.)

Hello, old friend.

You and I don't exist in the same world anymore. The most we get is colliding our boundaries on a social networking site, and even then, your life is so distant, so far removed from mine that it's hard to believe that once we were in the same book, on the same page, even. You and I were last five calls on each others phones, and now for whatever reasons, I don't even think I have your number anymore.

Even though you have fallen to the wayside, in the television show of my life, you are no longer "featured guest", but you might pop up on imdb as one of the extras, I still have occasion to look at what you're doing and where you're going. Sometimes, I marvel at the smallness and insularity of our worlds, how someone I just met, like completely randomly, is also on your friends list. Someone might mention your name to me, in passing, and I pause for a second, just to think about life the way it used to be. We give a lot of thought to lovers—ex and present—but we don't think that much about friends, especially the ones that used to be.

For the most part, the death of our friendship seemed inevitable. Perhaps it was the wrong choices, perhaps it was just geography, but you, who used to be part of the fibre of my everyday life, have been patched over. Sometimes when I hear a song you used to love, or tell a story that you were a part of, I feel a pang of longing. Not longing for who you are now, in much the same way that I don't think you give a thought to who I am now, but for who we were then. It's hard to exist for 28 years without making an equal share of friends and enemies, and while I do think I am blessed in my friendships, having had some for over ten years, I know that it's not possible to be friends with everyone, all the time.

Sometimes, you might have wronged me, at least in my head. That's when I feel an absurd sense of proving to you how much better off I am. Look, look at me, look at my photos, look at my cheery status updates, look at my life, I don't miss you, not one teeny tiny bit.

But the fact of the matter is, we're getting older, old friend. I'm edging towards my thirties (and sometimes, so are you). Did you ever imagine that we could be thirty? Did you ever imagine that we'd be here and not with each other? And so I realise, that like most things in life, I have to let you go. It's a small, small world, and we might bump into each other someday—either at your local coffee shop or at mine. But let's not play the nothing happened charade. Let's acknowledge each other, either with a nod or a smile, and let's live our lives, knowing that the other person existed, and that we were, at one point, richer for it.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


The problem with having a stand is that sometimes, you believe in it so much that you see yours through rose tinted glasses and then demonised the 'other'. Basically you cut off trying to understand your 'opponent' and choke off possible productive cooperation, preferring to instead have mud sling fights of "I'm right, you're wrong. I'm bigger, and you're smaller." I mean, that's probably the easiest thing to do, but it's not helpful in the long run at all.

While it warms my heart to see people united over a cause, over something that would be a better memory of Malaysia than May 13... watching the pats on the back going around, one could also notice the negative part; how news take on an arrogant, dismissive tone to the 'other'. People's page filled with blind vitriol to the 'other'.  And what I thought was; Staring at the monster long enough, and the next thing you know, it will stare back at the same thing.

Understand each other. Agree to disagree. Agree on the objective good, even if it comes from someone you oppose. Take a deep breath. Open your eyes. And judge to what your conscience tells you, and because he or she said so. And I'm not trying to be bossy and tell you what you should do. This is a reminder to myself too... because God knows, how I could get swept away by what I feel and not what is real. I feel as though I have to be cautious and to question, always.

Understand that peaceful quiet moments will not get much hits on youtube. It's the nature of moving pictures; violence commands your attention greatly. The quiet and subtle has no place in it, save for old school film aficionados perhaps.

Sunday, July 03, 2011


i was up since 6.50am on a sunday. hiked a hill with a friend for 3 hours. we had our breakfast over a warm cup of cocoa after, at my place. dropped her off and went grocery shopping with my mom. showered as i probably stink loads. cooked lunch for the family (fried rice!) and it turned out pretty decent. bathed my 3 pet dogs with my brother. showered. prepared dinner with my mom and bro. finish up two visual drafts for an NGO's wall that my friends and i volunteered for (loyarburok). completed some animated banner for my dad.

i'm about to sleep now; a few hours earlier than i usually do.

and after all that, i realised how sweeter rest is.