Sunday, December 04, 2011

Writer's block

Someone from my office told me that I should write. Saying that I had a way with explaining things.

The old reaction would be to puff up my chest and give myself a inward pat on the back, but the current me thinks instead, "He doesn't know me. He sees me as someone I'm not." I seem to disappoint people because I wasn't what they thought I was, and I don't like it.

So I told him that I'm just passing stuff I've read, which is true. And then wondered if it's rude to deny someone's perception/judgment of me, even if I feel it is perceived.

I didn't tell him that I do have a blog because it is barely updated of the me now. Somehow the incident got me thinking about a couple of things... While I did find it hard to write before, somehow I feel like the topics that I choose to want to write now has me stuck. It's as though I have in my hand a grain of sand, which I know that it's part of a beach.

How could one adequately explain the grain as a standalone? How could I do this piece justice, without seeing where it came from and its role? It could be from judging a teenage mother harshly by just seeing her pregnant, when perhaps in truth, she had been raped and decided to keep the child, or supporting a invasion without properly looking at the history and the true intentions (I refuse to be a pawn in a game that is made for people to fall for!). So much understanding and richness of events are lost in the process.

Another is, what I knew is in shambles. And as a student of life, I hesitate when answering. I doubt, I question. Erase my essay and open a book. Or most likely, abandoning it.

The sombre, serious feeling will balance up soon. I mean, put a jokey person to learn tightrope walking, she'd be concentrating like crazy and be super tensed. Give it time; her shoulders will relax and her smile will appear again. So will the playfulness and the jokes (albeit lame). The latter, to the horror of her friends =P.

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