"You're thinking too much," he said.
I'm making up for the people who don't.
I kid. There are far more important things to think about.
Nearing 30, and a crossroad appeared. Echoing the people who had been in my shoes, this could both be liberating and scary. You're there with the road open wide... with a dwindling number on your bank account. And time.
A strike off my bucket list, intended as a sojourn between careers, has gone a little deeper. Cautiousness and threading gingerly seems to be my mind now. How will it turn out? Time is not something that could be returned, and the longer I stay, the larger the risk in my career. And often, hearing the unspoken thoughts in the minds of others annoy me. Well, it heavily depends on how it ends, doesn't it? If the revolution in the Hunger Games failed terribly, Katniss would be a pariah instead of a revolutionary figure.
Driving to my part time work today, every single traffic light turned red, just as I'm about to pass it... thwarting my aim to be punctual.
I sighed hard, leaned back and tried to enjoy what's on the radio. And this crossed my mind; is this a sign?
Is it? Some people say that sometimes you need to listen. Maybe all the hardships, setbacks and faux pas that has happened is a little call of, hey, this isn't for you. At that time, it did feel that way, due to several happenings.
But there's a danger into reading unnecessarily into things. What if life meant it as, I will put you through all these shit. Let's see how you get past all these challenges thrown at you, and only then your labour are worthy of the fruit.
How could you tell?
I'm bored with this. Not too long ago it had been a road gleaming with potential, but as with everything, the rabbit hole goes deeper... Digging into something reveals a much much longer tunnel. And that my self-imposed foray leash is almost reaching its end...
Crossing Over As A Curious Customer to the Other Side of the Bar
... is more loaded than I thought it was. I'm struggling with the change in how I would be perceived, and that care must be put in how I am in cafes in the future.
As a customer, I enjoy talking to baristas (who are open to it), especially to learn more about coffee and brewing it. Recently, during a cafe hopping session, I brought a former colleague to a cafe I really like (and really wanted to work in, but alas, I think they didn't want me)... and it happened that they were working an espresso machine that I was curious about.
And without any qualms, I asked the barista if he could show me how that machine works.
Just to preface, the thing that drew me there was the dynamic aura of the place, and how passionate and inviting the people there are about coffee. There is also something that is intensely attractive in the way they approach this beverage.
So, he was cool with it and one of them will run me through the machine when they are free. Which they did, and more.
To cut the long story short, it was after, when it struck me - it might had put him in a position, as he knew after that I was part timing in another cafe. That's consideration on his side, not yet on the side of my employer. Very much hope it didn't... I'd feel awful if it did.
When I asked, I had asked as a coffee drinker who is curious about espresso machines, who hasn't internalised that she's somewhat in the industry too (well, a mere month). But one's intention is not advertised on my forehead, so who knows what went through their minds in this situation.
I went into this to learn more about coffee... but not very sure if I may had, as an analogy, coffee-cockblocked myself.
In this, I really hope that it's overthinking.